Goodbye.
May 18th of this year is a day I will never forget.
On this day, a physician from the Department of Cardiology at Musashino Red Cross Hospital made the following announcement:
"You are in the terminal stage of splenic cancer. The cancer cells have spread to bones throughout the body. You can only live for another half a year at most."
I heard this with my wife . talk. Fate is too abrupt, too does not make sense, so we were almost unable
alone to bear.
I usually think in my heart:
"It is possible to die at any time. There is no way."
But it was too sudden.
However, it may really be said that there are warning signs. 2 to 3 months ago, I was back around the whole piece, and my heels and other
parts are severe pain, so do not force right foot, walking more that there are great difficulties. I have talked to acupuncturists and
chiropractors, but the situation has not improved. After MRI (magnetic resonance) and PET-CT (PET scans), and so precise
result checking instruments, is just that part, "only six months to live," the announcement.
It's almost like a comeback, and the god of death is standing behind him, and I am really helpless.
After the announcement, I worked with my wife to find a way to survive. It's really an old life.
We have received reliable friends and extremely strong support. I refuse to anticancer agents, and the world want to believe universal concept
slightly different view of the world to live. It feels like I refuse to be "normal". Anyway, the majority
of them have no place for me, even health care, too. At the same time this also made me realize that modern medicine
behind the mainstream, what mechanisms actually has.
"Just live in the worldview of your choice!"
It's a pity that it's useless to rely on a single force, it's the same as when making works.
The condition did worsen day by day.
At the same time, I am considered a social person, so I usually accept about half of the universal world view. After all, I
will obediently pay taxes. Even if I am not proud of myself, I am qualified to be a member of Japanese society.
So while preparing for my world view of "living", I also intend to start
"preparing for my death."
Although it is not ready at all.
One of preparation, is recruited two trusted friends to assist, set up a company to manage Kon trivial
copyright.
Another preparation is to write a good will so that my small property can be successfully inherited by my wife. Of course, my
death should not happen estate battle, but I also want to make live alone in the world as far as possible to remove the disturbed wife, this
kind I can leave a little peace of mind.
Various procedures, my wife and I are very transaction headache, prior investigations and so on, due to the fabulous friends to help them carry out
very rapidly.
Among the critical situation when I later complicated by pneumonia, hazy consciousness to the last name on the sign will, my heart finally
feel: this dead should also be all right.
"Oh...I can finally die."
After all, he was taken to the Musashino Red Cross by ambulance two days ago, and was taken to the same hospital by ambulance a day later. Also
hospitalized detailed examination. The examination result was complicated by pneumonia and severe water accumulation in the lungs. I asked a physician with
what he answered it very bureaucratic. In some ways, I am very grateful to him.
"It can only last for a day or two at most... Even if it passes, it won't work at the end of the month."
Listening, I thought to myself, "How to tell it like the weather forecast..." But the situation is indeed getting more and more urgent.
That was July 7th. Qixi Festival this year is too cruel.
So I quickly decided:
I am going to die at home.
Maybe for the people around me, the last still add them to a lot of trouble, managed to make me out to find
a method hospital back home.
Everything is thanks to my wife's efforts, it looks like a hospital to give up but to really help my actual assistance outside the hospital
a great support, and often it is only considered a "godsend" by chance, so I can not even I believe reality of
chance and necessity, even such a coincidence can be linked together. After all, this is not the "Godfather of Tokyo".
When I managed to leave my wife for running the hospital, the doctor told me it was "even for one day, half-day or, as long as
I stay at home and will certainly still have a way!" After saying I was alone in the dark ward Waiting to die.
It was lonely at the time, but what I thought in my heart was:
"Death may not be bad."
This idea was not for any special reason, maybe because I couldn't make it if I didn't think about it, but in short,
at that time My mood is that even myself is very surprised and stable.
Only one day let me say nothing.
"I said I don't want to die in this kind of place..."
At this moment, the monthly calendar hanging on the wall in front of me began to shake, and the room looked bigger and bigger.
"Troublesome...how come I came out of the calendar to pick me up. My hallucinations are really not full of personality."
At this time, my professional consciousness is still working, and I can't help but want to laugh. But this time I probably closest to a "death" of the
moment now. I really feel the approach of death.
Under the package "death" and linens, plus best effort of many people, I miraculously escaped Musashino Shi Hong
word to return to their homes.
Death is also very painful.
Let me first declare that I am not criticizing or disgusting Musashino Red Cross Hospital. Please don't get me wrong.
I just want to go back to my own home.
Go back to the place where I live.
One thing surprised me a bit. It is that when I was sent home in the living room, actually dying experience also comes with the most commonly heard
of the experience: "standing height was moved watching their appearance in the room."
Probably standing a few meters above the ground, I used a wide-angle lens to look down at the scenery that contained myself. Room in
the central square of the bed, gave me a particularly big impression. I was wrapped in the bed sheet and placed it on the square.
It doesn't feel very cautious, but there is nothing to complain about.
I should have been waiting for death at home.
did not expect.
I seem to have overcome the difficulty of pneumonia easily.
Oops?
I actually thought this way:
" I didn't die (laughs)"
Later, I was full of "death" in my head, and I felt that there was only one real death.
Deep in the dim consciousness, the word "reborn" flickered several times.
Unbelievably, my strength started again the next day.
I think all this is
the credit of my wife, the people who came to visit my illness and share my vitality, the friends who came to cheer for me, doctors, nurses, caregivers, and so on. I think so from the bottom of my heart.
Now that the strength to survive is activated again, I can't continue to vaguely go on.
I keep in mind that this is an extra life span, so I have to make good use of it.
At the same time, I also want to pay at least one more favor.
In fact, I only told a few people around me about my cancer, not even my parents. In particular this will
create a lot of trouble for my job, so I said that would not come.
I would also like to announce the Internet I had cancer, daily reports with you the rest of my life, but because I worry that this sensitivity that is
the death That is very small, but it can also cause a lot of influence, and therefore very sorry friends and family around . Really
very sorry.
Before I die, I want to see many people again and say a few words to them.
This life, when I have family, relatives, from small countries States started dating friends, high school, college know
people companions, meet and exchange many stimuli in the comic world which are working together in the world of animation in together
drinking, using the same technique works to stimulate each other, through thick and thin numerous companion, served as animation director due to be recognized
knowledge of countless people around the world and many are willing to claim to be honored my fans. As well as through the Internet friends know
friends.
If possible, I would like to meet a lot of people (of course there are also people I don’t want to see). But after met, my brain feels
the yard, "I never see this man! 'Ideas will accumulate more and more, so I have no way simply to die.
At the same time, even if I recover slightly, I don't have much strength left. It takes great determination to meet others. I want to meet
people, to see the face myself are painful, really ironic.
In addition, because the cancer cells transferred to the bones, my lower body became paralyzed, and I could hardly get out of bed. I do not want people
to see my skin and bone looks like. I hope that many of my friends can remember that Jin Min who is still full of vitality.
I don’t know my condition, all my friends, all the people I know, I want to take this occasion to apologize to you. But i really
I hope you can understand Jin Min's waywardness.
Because Jinmin was originally "such a guy".
Thinking of your faces, there are many beautiful memories and smiles in my mind.
Thank you so much for giving me such great memories.
I love the world I live in.
Such an idea is a kind of happiness in itself.
Not a few people in my life know them, whether the impact is positive or negative, which is composed of "Kon"
essential components individually, I want to thank all encounter. Although the results of my forties to early death, but I also think that
this is no substitute for my destiny. At the same time, I have had a lot of wonderful experiences.
Now I only have this idea about death:
"I can only say regret." It
is true.
Although I can think of so many owed is helpless and give up, or let me say one thing all had
intended to go.
These are my parents and Mr. Maruyama MAD HOUSE.
One is Jin Min's biological parents, and the other is the recreating parents of the animation director.
Although it is a bit late, apart from frankly telling me, I have no other options.
I really wanted to be forgiven at the time.
When I saw Mr. Maruyama come to visit me at home, I couldn't control my tears, nor could I control the shameful thoughts.
"Sorry, I turned out to be like this..."
Mr. Maruyama said nothing, just shook his head and held my hands.
Filled my heart with gratitude.
The gratitude for being able to work with this gentleman turned into joy that could not be spoken, and swept like waves.
This may sound exaggerated, but I really can only describe it like that.
Maybe it's just my own delusion, but I really feel that there is a feeling of forgiveness.
The thing I can't let go of is the movie "Dream Machine".
This is true of the movie itself, and all the staff involved also make me very concerned. Because they might, along the way with Xin
Ru bitter painted out of the picture, it is very likely no longer be anyone to see.
Because the original script, role and view of the world setting, storyboard, music ...... impression and so all ideas are in this sensitive
a person's heart.
Of course, there are also many parts supervising animator, art supervision and so many of the staff common, but basically it
works only in what is now engaged in sensitive knows, only Kon out to do. If all this will become so sensitive
responsibility, then I have nothing to say; but I confess I also pay a lot of effort, hope u guys grouped together
to enjoy the view of the world. Up to now, my mistake is really painful to my heart.
I really feel sorry to the staff.
But I hope you understand a little bit.
Because Jin Min is "such a person," he can make an animation that condenses many different components from other people.
This may be very arrogant, but please forgive me in the face of cancer.
I'm not waiting for death in a daze, I'm also racking my brains desperately so that the works of Jin Min can continue to survive after his death. But this
idea is too simplistic.
I mentioned to Mr. Maruyama my "dream machine" to miss,
he only said:
"Rest assured, I'll do something for you, do not worry."
I cried,
I really cried a.
In the past when making a movie, at the time of the budget, all we owe him a lot of favors, and finally Mr. Maruyama is always for me to clean up in
the aftermath.
It's the same this time, I haven't improved at all.
Mr. Maruyama and I have a lot of time for long altar. As a result, I was a little practical experience to, Satoshi Kon's talents and technology in the current
in the animation industry which is very precious.
I feel sorry for these talents. I want to stay for everything.
But now that Mr. Maruyama from The MADHOUSE said so, I can finally leave with a little confidence and peace of mind.
Indeed, do not people say I simply think that this strange idea and detail description of the technology simply disappeared really
a pity, but there is no way.
I sincerely thank Mr. Maruyama who gave me a chance to stand in front of the world. I really appreciate you.
As an animation director, Jin Min is also happy enough.
It was really painful when I told my parents.
I also want to take advantage of freedom of movement but also when he went to Sapporo, with parents reporting it I had cancer, but the disease
situation deterioration speed is too fast hateful, and finally I can only ward in the closest of death, playing through the extremely abrupt electrical
and speak to them.
"I have spleen cancer. I am in the terminal stage and will die soon. I am really happy to be a child of a mom and dad. Thank you.
" What I said
suddenly did not last long. After all, I was given a premonition of dying. Surrounded.
Until I got home and finally got through the pneumonia crisis.
I made a lot of determination before I decided to meet my parents.
My parents want to see me too.
It was painful to meet, and I didn't have the strength to meet...but I wanted to see their faces for everything. I would like to personally tell them
that I am grateful that they gave birth to me.
I am really happy.
Although my life goes a little faster than others... This makes me treat my wife, my parents, and the people I like.
Very sorry.
They quickly responded to my waywardness. The next day, my parents rushed to my house from Sapporo.
The words my mother blurted out when I saw me lying on the bed I will never forget.
"Sorry! I didn't make you a healthy child!"
I couldn't say a second word.
Life with my parents is not long, but it is enough.
I think they can understand everything when they see my face, and in fact it is the same.
Thank you, father and mother.
Being able to be born in this world as the children of both of you is extremely happy.
Countless memories and gratitude filled my chest.
Happiness itself is also very valuable, but what I am more grateful for is that they have allowed me to develop the ability to feel happiness.
Thank you so much.
As early as parents very filial go first step, but the last ten years among my capacity as director of animation to fully display their present
collar, reached my goal has also been considerable evaluation. The only regret is not very grossing, but I think it has been
enough to repay them.
Especially in the past ten years, my life density has been several times that of others. I believe both my parents and I must know this.
Being able to talk directly with my parents and Mr. Maruyama relieved me of the burden on my shoulders.
In the end, it was me who missed me more than anyone else, but I tried my best to support my wife until the end.
After accepting the doctor's announcement, the two of us cried together several times. During this period, every day is torment for our body and mind. Even
to not use words to describe.
However, I was able to get through the pain and frustration of the day, all because of the doctor's announcement,妳說that
Fan powerful words:
"I will accompany you in the end."
There is nothing wrong with what you said. As if to get rid of my worries, in the face of those raging demands and
requests that came from everywhere , you organized them in an orderly manner, and at the same time you learned how to take care of your husband all at once. U shrewd
look, I was very moved.
"My wife is so amazing!"
Don't talk about it at this point? No, no, because I fully appreciate, u have been better than I thought
was even more severe.
I believe that after I die, you will be able to send Jin Min away smoothly.
In retrospect, after marriage I was busy working every day to work, now that I think the only leisurely day at home, that is
after with cancer, is really too much.
However, you who are next to me understand very well that people who are busy with work are talented people. I am really happy, really.
Whether it's the day of living or the day of welcoming death, I can't express my gratitude to you. Thank you.
There are still many things that worry me, but I will never finish counting them down. Everything needs an end.
Finally, I think it should be difficult to accept now... The attending physician H,
and his wife, nurse Ms. K, who promised me to receive terminal cancer care at home , I want to express my deep gratitude to you.
Although health care at home is very inconvenient, but you still stubbornly for me to come up with ways to ease cancer caused
pain, when you approach death also strongly I had managed to get a little more comfortable, which really helped I am a lot.
Not only that, but facing this patient who is not only troublesome, but also very arrogant, you have crossed the limits of work and
helped us in a more humane way. I really don’t know if you should say that you supported our couple or saved us.
At the same time, the character of the doctors and his wife has encouraged us from time to time.
Thank you very very much.
This article is also at the end. 5 Halfmoon know when my life is running out on, regardless of public and private gave us extraordinary
in every possible assistance and spiritual support of two friends, members of the Corporation KON'STONE, but also high school I
played good friend T Sir, and producer H, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you so much. From my poor vocabulary library which is difficult to find the appropriate words to thank, but we are husband and wife are deeply
you care.
If it were not for the two of you, my death would have been even more painful. At the same time, taking care of my wife by the side would have been devoured by me.
Really everything is under your care.
Although I have been taken care of, I am sorry to ask you to help my wife until I go to the funeral after my death?
In this way, I can also "get on the plane" with peace of mind.
I sincerely ask you.
Finally, thank you readers who read this long article along the way, thank you.
With gratitude for all the good things in the world, I want to put down my pen.
I'll go one step ahead.
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