Early in the morning sixteen years later, I was a little dazed by the news of his death. It is said that he will be fifty-one in two months.
Until I heard his singing again that afternoon, an uncontrollable sadness made me instantly cold. For an hour, I sat alone in front of the computer and kept sending the same text messages to my friends, as if someone who was too sad was emotionally out of control and nervously needs to confirm this fact again.
My sadness seems lonely and weird among friends. It may even be a bit "excessive".
How should this be said? This is really a strange thing.
A man with a bandit look like me is really sad for a pop idol.
For many years, I stopped listening to his songs. He was also unusually quiet in public view, as if he was already dead.
I admire him in such a silent state in his later years, even with blessings.
For more than ten years, whenever someone talks about his skin, his nose, and his child molestation cases, people will suddenly raise their voices, and people who don’t know each other will also sing and reconcile, and their faces will always have abandonment and disgust. It is full of self-confidence in every detail.
The atmosphere is always uniform and tidy, unshakable for many years.
Whenever this happens, I am silent. Sometimes I wanted to justify him a few words, but he lost his courage in that atmosphere; occasionally they had the courage to speak, but they grabbed a handful of melon seeds and started another lively topic.
Watching Jackson’s special program "Wen Tao Shooting Case" on Phoenix TV, there are several scenes of Jackson being interviewed. When he opened his mouth to speak, I secretly took a breath: such a shy and slender voice! This is his voice!
I suddenly realized that this was the first time I listened to Jackson. For a long time, he was a god in that halo, unshakable; and when I saw him in the reporter's interrogation, he was embarrassed and clumsy like a country boy. When answering every question seriously, I think he is too pitiful.
Especially when he was asked "Are you still a virgin?" This obviously insulting question, a man who is almost fifty years old is still alive so unobstructed that he doesn't know how to protect himself. What is this? The sadness?
This situation is familiar to me. I have experienced similar moments in my childhood and adolescence, and I have been as sincere and awkward as Jackson in a vortex of danger. But as people grow older, a "normal" person will gradually build up a hard shell for himself, and he can draw out a mask or even several masks from behind to block his fragile reality.
But he, Jackson, a middle-aged man, actually lives like this? !
I can't imagine how these shining eyes survived in this awkward world. I can't imagine the loneliness and despair that such sincerity faces every moment. But when it was reported that he was 1.8 meters tall and weighed only 40 kilograms when he died, I have to believe it.
Malena in "The Beautiful Legend of Sicily" is a recognized slut in that closed town. All her appeals and struggles fell into the bottomless statement between the red lips and white teeth of the "good people".
The director deliberately placed Marais in a place where she was far away and by the sidelines. All her true sadness and beauty were only revealed through the child's inseparable eyes.
I agree with a paragraph from a friend's film review of "The Beautiful Legend of Sicily":
"The people said: If there is a god, there will be a God; if there is a slut, there will be a slut—the people need a slut to show their morality and loyalty, to show that they are the majority and the majority of society. Leaders. The essence of social people is fear and anxiety, and the entire content of human existence is fear and anxiety: we are alone, we are weak, we are short-lived; so smart humans quickly found a way to eliminate fear and anxiety The reason for creating a symbol. This symbol can be a country, nation, ism, morality, belief, or even a certain hobby, a certain popular way of behavior. The essence of the symbol is to distinguish the enemy from ourselves, and it creates the enemy and me— —In fact, the meaning of creating “enemy” lies in dividing “I”. “I” is numerous, powerful, and immortal — so our fear and anxiety are relieved, and our hostility due to stress is released. In fact, whether she is a slut or not, and for what reason is she licentious and depraved, it doesn’t matter. The people don’t need the truth.”
Jackson is such a slut of the people.
When we need an object of entertainment, we leave him, admire his splendor from a far enough distance, lust for his splendor, and point to his privacy; when he dies, all the prosperity is gone, and everything is silent. Only then can we hear his childish whisper to himself.
Jackson became a world-class star at the age of four, thanks to his father. It is said that this great and strong father often grabbed a little Jack's foot like a chicken, and hung upside down in the air to beat him. This is how little Jack walked step by step towards the starry but empty world stage with scars all over his body.
As an adult, when Jackson mentioned his father in an interview, his timidity can still be seen in his words and demeanor-this is a distressing detail.
For me, a person who is almost 30 years old, a question often appears quietly: I will also be a father, how will my child live in this world in the future?
Occasionally, I will see some talent shows on TV screens similar to "Star Thieves" or "Fantasy Girls" style. The children and teenagers who appear there are articulate, possess special skills, or are like well-trained monkeys. Surprised, or as charming and charming as a familiar little San'er. Such children are becoming more common in real life, but I can't love such an old-fashioned child anyway. In the words of a friend who has already become a mother, "If my child becomes like this, I will choke to death." The fierce words actually revealed aversion to the world and the persistence derived from true love.
Like this friend's attitude, I must never let my child become like this. I hope her eyes will be permanently clear and bright, frank and fearless. But in this increasingly powerful and dangerous world, will my child be as lonely and sad as Jack?
I have passed the age to blindly shout and parade for a large and vague subject, but I am willing to cry for him, for such a child of true temperament.
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