In the film, Ben Affleck led Bishop Hayes High School and was completely abused when he played against the strong team Memorial High School for the first time. During this period Ben called a timeout, and he yelled at the players: Have a little fucking pride! I don't give a shit if we lose every fucking game this year. I will not coach a team that has benn out-toughed!
Seeing this passage, I cried.
I hope someone said this to me when I was growing up. I hope someone has taught me that it doesn't matter to lose. But you have to fight as hard as you can.
But since I was a kid, I didn't dare to lose. I am the only pride in my mother's life, and she has never concealed that I am sensible, smart, and outstanding in front of everyone. But for a child, this kind of praise has no pleasure but pressure. I can't tell if she loves me because she loves me or because of my good grades. I only know that I have to take the top three exams every time, otherwise I may not be good enough in her heart, and I will make her ashamed in front of relatives and friends.
My parents will also express to me that they will do their best. No matter what the result is, they will support me. But I went to Shanghai Middle School in junior high school and Qibao Middle School in high school, but I got one point short of the university entrance examination. My mother finally couldn't help but said one thing: I said at the time that I shouldn't be so resolute in applying to the National Chiao Tung University. If I volunteer to apply for Tongji or Shanghai Foreign Affairs University, I can go in easily.
Although they did not blame me, sometimes the transmission of pressure does not require blame. I didn't feel that my mother really supported me unconditionally.
Actually I am not eager to win. All the tests and consultations I have done tell me that I am a low-targeted person. This is determined by my genes and my family's growth environment. All the achievements of my life so far have been achieved by "I think I should do it + I am indeed capable of doing it", and none of them are "I want to do it". This also means that I don't feel the sense of accomplishment. Every time I get outstanding achievements, awards, and recognition, the joy I bring lasts at most for half a day. This kind of pleasure is far less comfortable than staying at home alone and reading a book.
So I have always believed that there are both masculine (creative) values and feminine (existence) values in this world. Since I agree with feminine values, it seems that I don’t really need the experience of fighting with all my strength.
Until two years ago, I began to experience a trough. I just discovered that maybe you don't need to fight in the game, maybe you don't need to fight in the career, maybe you can always use clever methods to achieve your most comfortable state. But you can't dodge the battle of life.
I suddenly discovered that no one has taught me how to deal with these dilemmas since I was little. My parents, like most people, have a lifeless life, gritted their teeth when encountering difficulties. They never gave me any guidance in terms of mentality, strategy, resources, or experience. So, like many people, I chose to escape.
What's interesting is that I didn't give up and escape easily subjectively, and I knew rationally that I couldn't escape. But since I had no idea what to do, the emotional defense mechanism jumped out to gain control at this time. In the film, when Ben’s sister mentioned that he himself saw Ye Ye drunk in a bar, Ben immediately attacked her defensively. I am so familiar with this kind of scene. How many times have my wife raised her worry and helplessness, but I have used this method to escape her time and time again. I failed her without knowing it.
The long road to self-help started when I accepted that I lost. I told myself one day that I am a loser, and I will tattoo this word on my body, always reminding myself that I have failed people who care about me and hurt them. I made a deal with myself and it doesn't matter if I lose. If no one loves me because of this, I can accept myself. But the condition is that I can't be a loser forever. I can accept that I will still lose at some point in the future, but I will not always lose.
I really hope someone can say these things to me and yell at me: "If you lose, it’s a fucking big deal. But your mother is forced to face yourself honestly. You really did your best to fight. If you do your best, Lao Tzu will accompany you to the end!"
But no one said this to me. The road to self-rescue is dark, and I have to touch it step by step, not knowing when there will be light. I want to burn my past self to death, but I don't know if I can Nirvana. I really like what Ben said to the players when Bishop Hayes High School played against Memorial High School for the second time: We're not gonna make it all back in one possession. You gotta just keep chipping away, and chipping away at it. Little things add up. Let's do all the little things right. Put all that shit together, all of a sudden we're pretty fucking tough to beat!
If an unintentionally sensational movie can hit your tears time and time again, it is mostly because you have walked those roads.
Ben is undoubtedly an excellent coach. For an arrogant person like Marcus, Ben used a strong hand to suppress; for an unconfident person like Brandon, Ben used a heavy task to force him to inspire fighting spirit. You can't force the output, but teach students in accordance with their aptitude. What moved me most was that Ben, at the most critical moment, dared to withstand the huge responsibility and risk on his shoulders, gave up all tactics, and gave Brandon the last shot. If this shot fails, it may have a major impact on Brandon's life; but if it succeeds, it will also make Brandon completely reborn. That kind of courage, wisdom and trust, I have never seen it in my life. I hope that one day, I can become such a person and stop letting the person I care about, like me, to fight alone.
I am grateful for all the difficulties I encountered and the fight I tried my best. Maybe I don't care about the achievements of outsiders, but my combat experience will be a valuable asset for my children. If one day she needs someone to hold her hand to lead the way in the dark, I will be by her side, I will tell her the general direction, and teach her some methods.
Then walk forward with her.
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