Jupiter Ascends-the cosmic version of the ancient European court ethics drama

Easton 2021-12-31 08:01:20

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was not beautiful. She was a little cleaning girl. Her daily task was to clean the toilet, clean the toilet, and clean the toilet. Our cute little girl was exhausted by the torture of the toilet, but because she was so poor. It can only be swept down day after day. But this is such an ordinary little girl, but she has a tragic life experience, which must start from the fact that she has not been born.
Her father is a technical house who likes to watch the stars, and her mother is a man who hooks up with a technical house who looks at the stars in the middle of the night, so she has her. What? Isn't this bizarre enough? Isn't it enough to pave the way for the later plot? Okay, so suddenly one day, a group of robbers broke into her house, such terrible robbers, and the door that didn't fall. They were holding gold. AK, a large number of people, robbed the home of such a seemingly not wealthy technical house. The technical house died heroically in order to protect his real wife, the local tyrant, Golden Telescope. So her mother embarked on a sailing journey. I believe this There must be some twists and turns, ups and downs in the story, but in order to give the audience space to imagine, the film did not explain why her mother got on the boat for some reason, so our heroine was born, in the endless, floating. On the sea, on this beautiful broken ship under this beautiful moonlight, I told myself that this was real, this was not a dream, and everything in this seemed to imply that she was destined to be a one-piece woman.
Our heroine has grown up as soon as the camera changes! Let's see what she is doing? Ah, I turned out to be a professional cleaning lady who cleans the toilet. It seems that our heroine is really a person who is both internal and external, literary, and martial arts. Her face is destined to be domineering and ambitious. , Extraordinary women, this kind of contrast is used in modern film and television works, it can be said to be a trend! So one day passed, and the next day! The heroine is still cleaning the toilet! On the third day, the heroine was still cleaning the toilet! On the fourth day, clean the toilet, and on the fifth day, clean the toilet. . . . . The heroine finally got sick of cleaning the toilet and said, I don’t want to live like this! Deep and straightforward, it speaks the most sincere aspirations of the working people at the bottom. But what does cleaning the toilet have to do with Jupiter? Just when we were wondering, ah, the camera switched to a blue soil planet map. Here is a pair of dog men and women who are talking a bunch of cold jokes that the audience can’t understand. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, this time there came another empty man, he appeared so suddenly, very high-tech, this is stealth eavesdropping or instant transmission technology we don’t know yet, but he came and told us A message, oh, it turns out that they are brothers and sisters, but their relationship is not friendly. They made a few sneer jokes with the disabled voice of Zuo Xiaozu curse. After 2 minutes, B ran away again, showing off his high technology.
At this time, it was finally our turn for the male pig's feet to appear on the stage. As soon as he appeared, he was completely naked and soaked in the water. Then he came to the earth inexplicably and sneakily, and found the heroine left behind inexplicably. Smell, the inexplicable lens was aimed at a woman with double ponytail plasma perm and blue hair killing Matt, just like Jinx who failed the perm. She was standing on a tall building, looking at male pig's feet. This woman who kills Matt is terrible, because she has an out-of-print double-mount rocket launcher that World of Warcraft recruits a 60-level partner to give away, as well as two small partners. Unfortunately, they have too few scenes, and one is painted with blue paint. There is a black wandering mage who can hide his race, and there is also a Merlin gunner. Oh, it turns out that it’s even an alien. If you accept this setting, you can see how many animal hats you see in the following movies and claim to be It's not strange to be an alien. They seemed to have some pubic hair on the top of the building, said a few words that everyone didn't understand, and left again. Okay, I actually ate out of my popcorn here.
The next plot is to cut back and forth between the daily shots of the heroine sweeping the toilet and several alien planets. Let me introduce separately. There seems to be only one family in the entire universe, because they say "in the universe..." "In this universe..." "I want to rule the universe..." and other domineering words. In this family, a strict hereditary system is implemented. There is a queen who is very rich and powerful. , She has three children, namely the sister of white bones, the erotic little white face, and the empty son. They have their own power.
Sister White Bone, lives in a Disney castle. What she does every day seems to be to find a fresh body to inhale Yang Qi to stay young, wear beautiful clothes, and talk to herself ignoring each other's expressions (all caused by loneliness). Her younger brothers are the Prime Minister Monkey King and the Spider-Spirit servant girl.
Erotic little white face, with a high-tech spaceship RV, a bad life style, like group P, as well as guessing, acting, and inferior acting skills that turn face instantly after acting. Her little brother is the secretary of the beautiful sheep, and a bunch of bald people. intelligent.
The empty-eyed son, seems to be the most powerful of these three white-eyed wolves, living in. . . In a big empty house, I like to pretend, pretend, and pretend. His younger brother is the Prime Minister of White Monkey, and the soldier of Lei Zhenzi.
After the queen was killed by the emptiness, the whole magic fairy castle, oh no, the whole universe seemed to be in chaos, the three white-eyed wolves coveted her property and status, but before her death, the queen said that the future of this world A person with the same genetic sequence as her will be born, and that is her reincarnation, and her reincarnation can inherit her property.
So what does it have to do with our heroine? No matter how she washes the toilet, she can't be pushed into the universe as a model worker representing all mankind. So our director started to use his skills, duang, it turns out that the heroine is a person with the same gene as the Queen of Magic Castle, which is one in tens of millions of times. So shocked, the audience's IQ was suddenly raised by a notch. But why they don't clone a queen directly, they have to wait tens of thousands of years. When our sister White Bones heard the heroine ask this question, she scorned her. You humans are really stupid, and there is no plasticity in cloning human genes.
Oh, that's the way it is, I seem to understand
It may be that the director can't think of other alien shapes in the universe except for humans, humans kill Matt, humans add beast ears, and humans paint paint, so ET, which everyone loves, comes out! The prototype appeared in the hospital to kill the heroine, at this critical moment, our little wolf dog appeared! His skateboard shoes are fashionable and fashionable, his shield is thick and bright, and his black eyeliner is so coquettish, and the heroine who is about to be raped and then killed is saved by Pili Bara. The heroine fainted inexplicably with an expression that you are handsome, you are coming soon.
I woke up and changed clothes. I was secretly flirting with the little wolfdog when ET came to hit the scene again. A dazzling skateboard shoe vs. spaceship stunt battle began. The beeping spaceship bullets looked like Eastern Gensokyo , But why is this scene so familiar? I remember playing a game called Little Bee when I was young. . . The heroine is all kinds of playing, falling, being rescued by the stout hero, falling, being dumped, she closes her eyes, the people in the building are blind and can't see, are you intoxicated. The first stunt scene ends here, and all the scenes are successfully completed after the human being seen is erased from the memory.
The little wolf dog brought the heroine to his boyfriend, the old boy’s house, because the old boy was responsible for introducing the story background of the movie to the heroine. Once they met, they ignored the heroine and began to fight fiercely. Only let in when it's cool. After entering the door, the little wolf dog started to undress without saying a word. It turned out that he was an angel with broken wings in his previous life! The heroine was shocked. We don’t care if she really knows the angel with the broken wings in her previous life, or if she sees the little wolf dog’s muscles, the next step is the old boy and little wolf dog taking turns to approach science, and the audience understands it. That's what the fucking movie was playing for half an hour.
Then the director started to publish his magic skills again, and the movie instantly crossed to Huanzhuge. Our heroine not only looks ugly, but also attracts bees! Not only the queen of the magic fairy castle, but also the princess of Xiangxiang! The bees danced around the heroine involuntarily, and the old boy said nonsense seriously because you were forcing it! It's a yellow diamond nobleman! Still the deluxe version! Well, our heroine is worthy of being a heroine. She accepted this setting ahead of the audience. Not only was she forced to be inexplicably forced, she also gained three children, one on the earth and several planets.
What should be said is almost finished, and what should be forced is almost finished. You can’t just do it like that. So the three killers, Matt and ET, came out again for the lunch box lunch and added eggs. , Rolling in the cornfield looking for force. There was a disagreement between the three killers. Jinx and the Wandering Mage seemed to have been instigated and abandoned the Mailin Gunner to take refuge in the new owner, the Bone Essence Sister. But poor, they are supporting roles. They can only grab the shots on their incomparable beauty. The love and hatred between them is not shown, but the heroine is captured by the bones sister. By the way, the director also popularizes science. What is it? The crop circle has greatly benefited the children watching movies.
Disney Castle is more luxurious and beautiful than Magic Fairy Castle, making our heroine feel very unbalanced, and she was taken by the bone spirit sister to run away, watching an old woman out of the bath, listened to it. In a sentimental speech by Lao Ganma, the little wolf dog ran to the rescue in a timely manner, and introduced the fourth largest force in this dimension of the universe to the audience-SHIELD. NMB’s S.H.I.E.L.D., I don’t even bother to vomit when I hear this name.
This S.H.I.E.L.D. Bureau is the interstellar police in the vast universe. Although they seem to have fewer than 10 people, and even though they seem to have only one spacecraft, they cannot hide their enthusiasm for the peace of the universe. The black aunt is the leader, and her role is Just to bring out that the heroine is not so ugly, and there is even uglier behind. The elephant man is the driver and is responsible for selling cuteness (very weirdly cute), the little wolf dog and the old boy are the main combatants, and the rest of the people seem to have never given a face, and are enthusiastic about making this aegis with soy sauce. The small spaceship does not look so empty. The heroine always forgets to tease the little wolfdog. The two people discussed the race to no avail, making the heroine doubt whether she likes a dog or not.
With romance, with science fiction, with pubic hair, with exposed flesh, with tearing, the old boy was responsible for the plot of "rebellion", and sold the heroine to the pornographic little white face for the little wolfdog's face. Entering the small age 4, the end of the soul, gorgeous clothes, slide-like pictures, western food and wine, boring and cold conversation, Huangmei opera headdress and painted necklace at the wedding. . The audience is about to enter the end of the soul, the hour hand, minute hand, second hand, the audience's urinary glands are constantly being moved. The director triumphantly showed off the pubic hair part of this play, we are not always so superficial! You see, the rulers are so cruel and ruthless. In order to keep their youth forever, they use the lower civilized races as pigs and dogs! Think about it if you are also scared! I'm afraid of being overwhelmed. The original civilization will evolve to a certain extent and it will regress to the feudal era. The original civilization has been ahead of tens of thousands of years and even the four dimensions can't be controlled. Humans who have lived for tens of thousands of years still care about their appearance! !
The pornographic little white face was afraid that the audience with trisomy syndrome could not understand his true face, so after deceiving the heroine, he turned his face on the little wolf dog in an instant, instead of killing the little wolf dog directly, he exiled him to the so-called " Endless Space (I forgot the name)" also comes with an oxygen mask (so caring they must be true love) and such an idiot director who dares to shoot it, I am really convinced. So at the very moment! The little wolf dog rescued the heroine again.
Okay, the three-point tour of the universe is still near the empty son, so why do you force the plot to let the heroine go there? So the director finally! I got it! The heroine also has an inexplicable aunt! They are still eating shit at home! The movie is over if it doesn't show up again! The emptiness son arranged for Lei Zhenzi to get rid of the heroine's three aunts and eight aunts, and find the heroine to force the marriage.
At this time, the female protagonist's halo began to pierce the eyes of the audience, no, don't stop me, I'm going to save them, they are my family! When persuading, always close-up the face of the black aunt made me ignore the lines.
Ah ah ah, the final battle started so vigorously. S.H.I.E.L.D. did not accidentally lose the heroine, lack of maternal love, mental distortion, mental disorder, inferiority, and poor emptiness, talking to the heroine. The existence of S.H.I.E.L.D., a bang and a roar to wake up the asleep viewers and friends to seek dignity, a slap in the face of the heroine to show her identity as a villain, and a woof, tearful eyes watching The hostess is like an idiot. She bought enough time for the rescue operation of the little wolf dog and the old boy. She really praised his professionalism. The bad guy died of talking too much, died of low EQ, died of low IQ, died of sudden slowness, and died of not being able to use a gun. At the end when the ship exploded, he still slapped the heroine with an iron stick and laughed and pissed. Don’t play melee if you don’t have enough physical strength, don’t you? Not surprisingly, at the end of the film, the heroine fell again and was dumped. With her eyes closed, the audience was blinded and invisible. Are you intoxicated?
After complaining, watching this movie, it can be said that most of the reasons are for the name of The Matrix. As a result, a dog-blood sci-fi family ethics drama made people dumbfounding.
Can only say one word, bad.

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Extended Reading
  • Reginald 2022-03-24 09:01:32

    I haven't read it, can anyone tell me how Sean Bean died this time?

  • Lacy 2022-03-23 09:01:35

    There are countless points of Ray, Kunis is ugly, and it proves that the little freckles can't act at all. The best ones are my uncle Sean Bean and Tatum, and the rest will quickly die.

Jupiter Ascending quotes

  • Jupiter Jones: Where's my family?

    Chicanery Night: Well, we can all only hope that they remain unharmed.

    [chuckles with an evil grin; Jupiter throws her weight into a punch to his face]

    Chicanery Night: I see you have the standard issue Abrasax temper.

  • [last lines]

    Caine Wise: You ready?

    Jupiter Jones: Watch this.

    [jumps off the Willis Tower wearing hover boots]