N=Natalie Portman
"I used to be too demanding of myself"
J: Natalie, in order to play the ballerina in "Black Swan", what are the necessary preparations you have made?
P: I started training (ballet) a year ago, and six months before the filming started, I even carried out "devil training". I had five hours of cross-training for ballet and swimming every day. It was indeed a very exhausting period, but to a certain extent, I also enjoyed the life of hard cultivation. But until I heard that the director was going to postpone the filming due to financial problems, I couldn’t wait to say to him: "Are you going to let me eat carrots and almonds for another month?" (laughs)
J: This film has tested some extremes in the spiritual realm. Boundaries, how do you do it?
P: I like how this movie pushes people to the extreme. The director Darren first told me his thoughts about this film eight years ago, and I was still in college (Harvard). This concept has always made me feel anxious and panic. It is very extreme, the spirit in the movie is in a state of psychedelic tension, concentration and obsession. Being able to finally play such a role that has been in my mind for a long time makes me feel that I am rewarded. I am also very happy that Darren finally got enough money to start shooting.
J: Do you feel that these works of yours in recent years indicate that you are trying to improve your artistic achievements?
P: This is not a deliberate idea, because you always hope to keep finding better roles. However, I am very satisfied with the decision I have made now. I am not as cautious as before. I am more open and more willing to try different ideas.
J: Is this a way to make yourself more confident?
P: I think so. I used to be too demanding of myself, and it took a long time to get rid of this state of self-restraint. As a creative worker, every job you do will be accompanied by fear. Every time, you will put yourself in a position to be judged and discarded. I try hard not to think about it, so I am more prepared than before, willing to try different things, and do my best to be creative.
J: Are there other movies that have affected you like this?
P: "Stealing the Wire" is also a very difficult movie for me. I was only 14 years old at the time, and I was going to play a girl who slashed my wrists. (Filming) A year later, I had a fight with my mother and cut myself. I have never done anything like this before, and never since. I think the bloodshed scene in the movie must have an impact on my spirit... So, just as your feelings in reality will affect your performance, your performance will definitely affect your real life.
J: Are there other movies that have a major impact on you?
P: It's probably Alice in "Stealing Heart". The fragility and indifference of this woman frightened me. Alice is a very complicated character. She was hurt in some ways. When I entered this character, I felt intense sadness and fear from it. But this is also the reason why I took over this role. I feel that I have been psychologically carefully protecting myself before, not allowing myself to enter those dark worlds. But at the time, I wanted to stimulate myself and prove that I can play that role well. In this example, my fear of the role brought me to the next level as an actor, and it not only gave me a lot of self-confidence in my work.
"Beauty can sometimes become a cumbersome"
J: Do you feel that growing up surrounded by the media and being known as one of the most beautiful women in the world makes it harder for you to believe in your talents?
P: This is a psychological trap that women called "beauties" are very easy to fall into. You will think that all the attention you get is because of your appearance, not your personality, intelligence, or achievement. This will make you question yourself all day long. This is why entering Harvard is so important to me. When I am among a group of talented companions, I feel that I can touch my true self.
J: Do you think beauty can sometimes become a burden?
P: Yes, especially when others think that appearance is all about you, but it is not. At the same time, I also realize that attractive appearance is a very important factor in my career.
But beauty can sometimes be boring, especially when you are with someone who only pays attention to you or his own appearance all day long. I know that many actors are completely indulged in shaping their own appearance, whether it is delicate or rough. But I don't mind a man's appearance at all. The men I admire are those who have masculine self-confidence and do not need to exercise their muscles every day, nor do they play with their looks every day or worry about a few pounds of weight. I like men who have a clear goal in life.
J: You also mentioned your ambivalence when acting naked in some movies?
P: This topic is actually very boring. I shouldn't provoke this topic. I don't have any stereotypes about naked bodies.
I don’t regret being naked in certain movies. On an artistic level, I don’t mind being naked. I just don't like those shots being turned around on certain pornographic websites. I don't want to walk down the street and feel that other people remember you because they have seen your breasts. (Laughs)
J: Have you ever thought about starting your own family?
P: I thought about having some children, but that will be a long time later. First of all, you need to start a long-term and stable relationship, so that you feel safe and can build the future together. Only then can you really start thinking about children. This is not something you can plan. You can only wait for such an opportunity in your life to come.
J: The Star Wars movie series you starred in has been criticized. Have you suffered from it?
P: (laughs) I know that my performances in those movies are not highly rated. Maybe I was over-influenced by those science fiction adventure plots. It is difficult for me to connect with them. I don't know, at least I am not disappointed in myself. I am the kind of person who regards criticism as a driving force.
J: If a person doesn't know the real you, but only gets your impression from your movies or reports, is there any surprise when he comes into contact with the real you?
P: (laughs) It's probably because I'm actually not that serious, but I often play serious people in movies. I have a very serious and serious side, but I also like to make jokes. I like concerts and dance parties. I really like to go to parties with friends outside the showbiz. We often gather in everyone’s residence or in places where there is no paparazzi. This is why I rarely hang out with other actors, and I rarely go to nightclubs that will make me appear on the tabloid headlines tomorrow. In general, I now rarely worry about what others think of me, so I am more interesting to get along with now-at least I hope so! (Laughs)
"I always wander between self-confidence and insecurity"
J: You have received a lot of attention from a very young age, so you are too premature to succeed (starred in Luc Besson's "Killer Leon" at the age of 12), isn't it? What caused you to be very introspective and sensitive now?
P: I think this really makes the situation worse. My personality tends to be introspective, passive and abide by the rules, because I grew up in this environment. When your work has brought you so much attention, you will be very concerned about your image in public. You will learn to control the impression you leave on others. This state will make you what you are trying to show, rather than simply being yourself.
Fortunately, many of my outrageous and indulgent behaviors were not caught by the media, so I avoided many embarrassing scenes. I went to nightclubs and drank for a while. Fortunately, the media at the time was not too harsh on me. I am very pleased with this, because during the recent period, many young actors have been exposed to the media because of their private lives and have been under great pressure.
J: Are you a girl like this: When you were a teenager, in full view, you wanted to hide in the crowd to avoid sight?
P: I have always been the type who wants to please others, and I want to get along with others without leaving them the impression that I often digest all the confusion and madness in my work alone.
When I was studying at Harvard University, I largely lost the side of self-defense and self-protection, although this is still part of my character. I am still learning how to be myself and wear less masks. Of course, you can't forget that I am an actor in my heart. (laugh)
J: Does acting work make you more focused on discovering your feelings and mental state?
P: Yes, in many ways. Imagining the life of another person allows me to see the depths of my heart and understand myself better. You will see many things and face your inner contradictions and secret desires.
When I look back at the way I acted in front of people in the past, I am very happy to be able to abandon that illusion now. At that time, I did what others wanted me to do—my parents, my friends, and society as a whole. I want to make everyone happy and not let anyone down. Now I am not like that anymore.
J: You said that you have been troubled by self-doubt. Does this feeling of insecurity still affect your current mental state?
P: Yes...I always wander between self-confidence and insecurity. I will think that I cannot accomplish one thing, but I will still do it, because I will feel that failure is not that bad. Especially for my work, failure will not hurt anyone. If I fail, it may just be "Well, someone is about to lose a small amount of money". This may be a big deal for some people, but at least no one will die because of it.
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