destiny

Rupert 2022-10-06 00:13:21

I watched a homeless movie on the festive day of January 1st...

[A typical suicide attempt comes from an unbearable sense of anger and decadence...]

【Sometimes you wait so long for the call that you forget what to say】

[It's my brother's death day, I want to burn out the devil in me]

[I always have those great money-making ideas, but people always say my ideas suck, and no one ever encourages me, not at all]

[I think maybe that's when I realized that I messed everything up... I'm ashamed to tell the truth now...]

[I thought middle-class people had problems with their brains, but they were just ordinary people]

[More people will freeze to death this winter because homeless people love their dogs to death, but shelters can accommodate up to two or three dogs. If there are two more litters of paparazzi, more homeless people will start raising them Dogs, they'll be forced to sleep outside, so more will freeze to death. On the street, a little thing can kill people]

【What you don't know won't hurt you】

[He started sleeping in the street when he was 12 years old. We cannot understand him. People say I should cut ties with him. But he is my bone, I just want to do more for him]

[I found that I had no way to justify his actions, to write clearly what killed his innocence, and that innocence was too far away to describe it. I can only record. 】

[His biological father was a very bad gypsy. This guy beat my daughter so hard one day, and his brother beat his father on the head. His brother was five years old at the time. His father moved away. Three days later his father committed suicide. I know why his temperament has changed so much, he came to tell me on purpose. 】

[I was in a disabled school before, and they said that I had muscle atrophy and would always be disabled in the future. This is to prevent me from being able to accept it in the future. The two boys in my former school chased the school bus and smashed eggs every day, calling me trash and hitting me. This was their after-school entertainment. My brother would comfort me and then abuse me. 】

[I was only nine years old at the time, my brother raped me for three years, and later he had friends. I couldn't take it that night, they did everything to me. They shoved the mouth of the glass bottle behind me]

[Mom felt guilty about what my brother did, so she kept pampering him until now, but my brother did the same to me. I'm about the same as him. It was docile one second and exploded the next. I am very happy, my brother was in pain before he died]

[My brother didn't change me, very much to the children who had the same bad childhood as me, but they all slowly learned to accept all this and live a normal and meaningful life. I understand this]

[If I can change one thing in my life, there are really many options: muscle atrophy, rape, my brother, and honestly it’s easier to change myself. The day I used violence for the first time, my stepfather told me he would beat me if I didn't fix my shit myself. It's so cool to use violence, knowing what people fear about it, knowing that this madness will scare people off. I used to deliberately irritate myself, and then I found that I couldn't control my emotions. I don't understand myself, my madness, I sometimes feel like the son of Satan, I let the devil in but can't get him out. I tried it, I don't care if I cut him with fire and knife, why would he care, the devil doesn't want to be homeless]

【I live a very controversial, unhappy life】

[News from this point, the identity of the man who died in a train accident near Cambridge this morning has been confirmed...]

[Hey, Alexander, I'm Stewart. I drink a lot but I still keep thinking about what my brother did. And his friends. My family didn't believe me, they didn't care that I was being abused. Let me do things that no child can do. I have been resisting and resisting, resisting and resisting. The more you talk, the less they believe you. No one believed what I said. I sit here when I'm drunk, talking crazy to myself about how to abuse myself, kill myself, and get revenge on those responsible. I really want to lie down here and die. It's too bad I feel dirty, hate and attack those around me. I just want to even just once. To be free from irritability. 】

based on real story

They always have two dice in the car, which I like very much, the randomness of life...the mood after becoming a sociopath is really bad...but sometimes you don't know how to get out of the whirlpool...

I can't forget that when I was walking on the edge of the rooftop, my friend was afraid that if I fell, it would become his responsibility, and then looked at me in fear from about tens of meters away from me... From that time, I deeply realized that I was probably Not quite.

When I was young, my mother was always away from home, and I was beaten by my father almost every day, and chased after him. He didn't make any sense, and I often didn't know why I was beaten. I told everyone that I was beaten, but no one helped me. I begged my mother for a divorce, she was unhappy but not willing to be separated. After finishing university, they suddenly got divorced, as the name goes, it doesn't affect me anymore. When I went back one day, my father also said that he had no children and no wife. I also became violent at the time, always bullying others at school. My father beat me until high school. But when I was in junior high school, I kept restricting and prohibiting myself from hitting people. The best way is to not talk to people and isolate myself from others. But two years after I got married, I made the same mistake again. Drank a lot and pretended to be a homeless person and fell on the side of the road. It made me miserable and guilty, and I didn't know how to stop. I am well aware of this feeling of a devil living in my heart. I'm not myself...but I'm finally starting to understand my dad...he's also involuntarily...I also realize I've gone from homeless to no longer needed. I was picky about life and became a control freak. After I was completely under control and had contact with all my family members, I finally calmed down.

I'm obsessed with Britain...

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Extended Reading

Stuart: A Life Backwards quotes

  • Stuart Shorter: Alexander, do you want to stay for tea? My favorite: Convict Currey. We used to make in jail.

  • [last lines]

    Alexander Masters: The book was finally published in April 2005. I think Stuart would have liked it.