He was afraid that he might pretend to be indifferent, but he would be touched in an instant. He was wounded, laughed and cried. Even if only for one night.
Or, they have become unique voices in your heart, messy codes of your memories that cannot be translated to anyone. Heavy, unable to lift.
It's just that you don't have to be in your early forties to sue back then. The time that has turned to ashes, everyone has it. In fact, how easy it is to pretend to forget a person calmly. I have a jar of wine called "Drunken Life and Dream Death".
I can't remember how many times I've watched this movie, and I can't remember, every time I followed Leslie Cheung to read Bai's mood, it must be very different. The only thing I know is that at more than 1 hour and 30 minutes into the film, Ouyang Feng said:
"I knew that Huang Yaoshi would not come again, but I continued to wait. I sat at the door for two days and two nights, watching the sky change constantly. I just found out that although I have been here for a long time, I have never seen this desert clearly. I used to see a mountain and I wanted to know what was behind it, but now I don't want to know anymore. I am a lonely For people who are born with stars, their parents died very early, and there is only one elder brother to depend on. Maybe because I was an orphan, I knew how to protect myself from a very young age. I know that if you don’t want to be rejected, the best way is to reject it first. Others." The film goes here, no matter how many times, no matter how many times, no matter the season, I will not stop crying.
The first time I watched it with my dad. During the whole play, we didn't say a word to each other until the subtitles were typed, and the two father and daughter let out a sigh of relief. Dad sighed, turned and entered the room, I was still staring at the TV in a daze. At that time, there was a little boyfriend who was a young man in literature and art. I called and said excitedly, Wong Kar Wai is awesome. Yes, "Evil in the East" was the first Wong Kar-wai work I watched. After that, I watched it one after another, from "Mong Kok Carmen" and "The True Story of A Fei" to "Chongqing Forest" and "Fallen Angels". Become Wong's Fan. But I never asked my father how he felt about watching a movie. His silence was rare, but I didn't have time to appreciate it.
Junior year, spring. I went to Beidaihe alone, went out to watch the sea in the morning and evening, and spent the rest of the time watching movies in the hotel. Seeing He Baorong's enchanting cynicism, he said infinitely weakly, "It's better for me to start from scratch"; seeing Ouyang Fengcha Facing the sky with a jug, in the evening when the tired bird was startled, he said, "'Drunken life and dreaming of death' is just a joke she made to me, the more you wonder if you don't remember it, the more you remember it clearly. .I once heard others say that when you can no longer have it, the only thing you can do is to not forget it yourself."——As if seeing his own despair, he felt sympathy. I believe that He Baorong is Ouyang Feng's afterlife. He was cut down because of his wounds. The loneliness of a cynic is the deepest and most intense.
Before that trip, my buddy and I were chatting at Yonghe King at the East Gate until three in the morning; I said it was cold and borrowed his coat to wear, with the word Malboro engraved on the zipper; The end point is Qinhuangdao. I have been standing in the smoking area without smoking, just looking out the window; there are two boys from Qinhuangdao University in the aisle, discussing the future. 4 hours later, I got off the car in Beidaihe and asked the taxi driver to take me to a hotel.
Hanging herringbone, wearing a short skirt and walking to the beach, it was actually a bit cold, and many people on the street looked at me puzzled. Facing the sea, gray-blue, as naked as reality, the earrings were tinkled and hit me in the face.
At that time, in the eyes of friends, in the eyes of the train attendant who asked me to sit there again and again, and in the eyes of the owner of the seafood restaurant downstairs, maybe I could see my loneliness at a glance.
Before graduating from the fourth grade, he watched a movie in his home in Tianjin, and once again found the story of Ouyang Feng, a native of Bai Tuoshan. Murong Yan said: "I wanted to kill her, but I didn't do it in the end. Because I didn't want to prove that she is the one you love the most. If one day I can't help asking you, you must lie to me, no matter how much. If you don't want to, don't tell me that you don't love me the most." I found out that most of us are just begging for defeat alone, love or not is not important anymore, the pain can't go away for a long time, just because self-esteem trumps emotion , love yourself too much.
That desert is the love that comes and goes. I've always loved this Wong Kar-wai metaphor. Affectionately drowned people are like quicksand. People see mirages in them, but they don't know that the oasis is just a reflection of yourself and me. We are still lonely like an island dune, thinking that we are one, but where is the wind and the tide forbidden?
It's just that everyone escapes in a different way. Dugu Qiufeng is completely addicted to narcissism; Huang Yaoshi forces himself to forget and find a substitute; Hong Qi keeps trying, even if he keeps failing, hoping to be "behind the mountain"; Ouyang Feng's sister-in-law is revenge; Blind warrior is abandonment and exile. Then Ouyang Feng used refusal to protect himself. Betrayal and grief, if it is the fate of love, the stories of the mundane world are just a circle formed by our inner fragility and mutual influence, just like Ouyang Feng's rejection, which created Maggie Cheung's revenge; When they met in spring, Huang Yaoshi could only remember his favorite peach blossoms and search for a woman who was also her stand-in. Because of this, the teasing hurt Dugu's self-pity for defeat. The hurt and the hurt, the love and the loved, seem to be the reincarnation of the causal cycle.
Although Ashes of time, it is Wang Jiawei who borrowed the shell of the characters in Jin Yong's story to write about love and sorrow, and to write about love. But if it is regarded as the previous life of the vulture, it will only add to the sadness. Young and mad, all just for love, Ouyang Feng finally returned to the White Camel Mountain, and the feelings and pain have all turned to ashes with time. You think that you are moving towards reality, and you are also moving towards calmness, breaking through the world and achieving a legend of Western poison. The imprint and fate left by the relationship, but you still can't escape - the fate of seven counts, fighting with Hong Qi on the snow, embracing and dying - you think that you have long forgotten, in fact, it is because of some things and some people, you are tight remember.
I have always seen myself in Xidu, a different me. If Western poison is the decision of love, then Hong Qi is undoubtedly the decision of reality and life. Ouyang Feng returned to the White Camel Mountain and walked into reality because he died for love; while Hong Qi cut off his finger for a woman and walked against the wind, because he was born for love. In fact, the two people who are opposite to the West and the Beggar are on the same path to the WTO. The former is caused by the despair of the pessimists, and the latter is caused by the self-paralysis of the optimists. But in the end, life is just one mountain after another. In fact, I am more afraid of Hong Qi's certainty and simplicity. This kind of "love" in the eyes of the public is not what you and I desire. So you and I are just western poison Ouyang Feng, stop in front of the desert, or abandon everything, return to White Camel Mountain, and be a mortal.
When a fire was thrown behind you, the fire forced Jinxing, and you had to go on the road. Only then did you and I truly embark on the journey of the sword and blood in the world.
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