01------------------- Summer (to Morty): Aren't you worried that I'll be Grandpa Rick's new favorite? Rick: It's as bullshit as a guy who can maintain a pure friendship with a beautiful female colleague. Rick (to Morty, Summer): Whatever you're asking, the answer is--because I'm pretty cool. Rick (to Morty, Summer): In my grandpa's eyes, neither of you are farts. Beth (to veterinarian): The difference between a deer and a horse is no greater than the difference between you and a doctor. (Micheal hits a deer and Beth tries to save it) Micheal (to Beth): I just hope your medical skills are as bad as my hunting skills. Rick (to Morty, Summer): A lot of the time I can't tell the difference between the two of you. Because I don't distinguish people by their height and age, but only by how annoying they are. Beth (to the deer on the operating table): The old lady will go to heaven and bring back your screaming soul! (timeline splits) Summer: You just wanted to kill yourself! Rick: I was just defending myself because I wanted to kill me first. Rick (to Morty): You're a walking sack full of shit. Fourth-dimensional person (to Rick): If you are in time, how can you move time? Morty: I'm 100% unsure about all of this. 02------------------- Rick: Those with less than eight legs are considered disabled here. Morty: What business are you talking about in the garage? As if invisible. Rick: Do you think there is nothing to hide in a palatial office? Morty: What's the difference between selling weapons to killers and killing yourself? Rick: It's like doing nothing. Rick (to Morty): Your grandfather and I don't get along with the government. Rick (says Fart): Incredible, this shit can pull gold! Fart (to Morty): Carbon-based creatures are a threat to all higher creatures, just like disease. 03------------------- Rick: The first rule of navigating the universe - be sure to look at the wreck beacon, because 9 times out of 10, it's a boat of aliens with pigtails People and a bunch of free stuff, and one more deadly trap. Unity (to Rick): You're the only one I've met with a long-term vision independent mind creatures. Summer (to Unity): I naively thought that freedom was just being able to choose your phone's carrier. Jerry (to Beth): I once saw him (Rick) forget the word "human". Summer (to Rick): You and Unity are like leggings and mid-boots. You think you're a good match, but you're actually a bad match. Blim Blam (to Jerry, Beth): It's ridiculous that you hate yourself and each other and blame Rick for it all! Unity (to Rick): What drew me to you was exactly why I couldn't be with you. Unity (to Rick): I know I'll assimilate race after race, but never reach true perfection. Rick (to Beta Seven): You come and go when you are called! 04------------------- Rick: To live is to learn to compromise. Jerry: Friends make me stronger. Rick: Is it true that I'm the only one left on earth? Morty (to Summer): I fuck everywhere. Rick (to Morty et al.): Remember to wash your hands every time you come back from space. (Beth nearly shoots Poopybutthole) Rick (to Beth): I've done that too, but on a planetary scale. 05------------------- Rick: The Crusaders survive by the talents of low-level creatures. Rick: Only really relaxed people can write good music. Parblesnop: To love music is to love freedom. THE PRESIDENT (to Nathan): Our planet is trapped in a live draft and your solution is to fire missiles at the audience? Morty: Do you fly a Black Hawk helicopter? THE PRESIDENT: Can the Pope's dick fit through the doughnut hole? Morty: Uh... that's not certain. THE PRESIDENT: That's what I meant too. 06------------------- Flying Saucer (to Summer): I'm only responsible for your safety, I don't care if you're happy or not. Morty (mixed into the primitive tribe): We have no leader, we just follow the will of the woods. Rick (to Morty): I implanted you a long time ago with a subcutaneous chip that evokes nanorobots dormant in your veins, reconfigures your body, and turns you into a car. 07------------------- Morty: The universe is huge, full of wonders. Rick: Counseling on Earth is like having a horse fix a merry-go-round. Beth (to Jerry): Thanks to my dad's (Rick) genes, our kid (Morty) is only half-dumb instead of full-dumb. Rick: The boy's heart is his own worst enemy. Rick: Old Rick, ruin everything! 08------------------- Doctor (to Jerry): We can save Shrimply Pibbles, just replace his heart with your human penis. Jerry (to the doctor): On earth, love is above all else. Beth (to Jerry): If I stop you in everything, can I still be your wife? Summer: Do all interdimensional TV shows rely on this childish violence? Jerry: Only a fool sees everyone like a fool. Beth (to Jerry): You can't make everyone like you. You can only wait for those who hate you to hate you. 09------------------- Rick (to Millennia): You keep the world at peace by robbing and killing people one night a year with no consequences? Rick: It seems that my stomach is still not as strong as my eyes. Rick (to Morty): In the universe, there's something called the "non-interference principle." Jerry: I'm the punching bag for the whole family. Jerry (to Summer): Was "hating my dad" part of growing up? Morty (to Rick): I've been wanting to kill you old jerk! I'm going to dig your guts out and put it on your stupid face! 10------------------- Jerry: A good breakfast cereal is 70% of the cereal floating on the milk. Rick: To put it bluntly, weddings are just funerals with cakes. Birdperson (to Tammy): I am yours until death. Rick: I'm not the sweetest person in the universe because I'm the smartest one. Rick: I can't keep my marriage going, even if I can turn a black hole back into a star. Rick: How many other planets in the Milky Way are more than 90% similar to Earth? Computer: 765 known. Rick: How many of them are outside the jurisdiction of the Galactic Federation? Computers: 3. Rick: Look at this baby, you can't tell that this isn't Earth, right? Morty: Of course you can see that there is no Africa on this planet. Rick: Hey, Caucasians are a lot of things! Summer (to Jerry): Loving someone is not about getting something in return, love is unconditional! Can wait for those who hate you to hate you and hate you. 09------------------- Rick (to Millennia): You keep the world at peace by robbing and killing people one night a year with no consequences? Rick: It seems that my stomach is still not as strong as my eyes. Rick (to Morty): In the universe, there's something called the "non-interference principle." Jerry: I'm the punching bag for the whole family. Jerry (to Summer): Was "hating my dad" part of growing up? Morty (to Rick): I've been wanting to kill you old jerk! I'm going to dig your guts out and put it on your stupid face! 10------------------- Jerry: A good breakfast cereal is 70% of the cereal floating on the milk. Rick: To put it bluntly, weddings are just funerals with cakes. Birdperson (to Tammy): I am yours until death. Rick: I'm not the sweetest person in the universe because I'm the smartest one. Rick: I can't keep my marriage going, even if I can turn a black hole back into a star. Rick: How many other planets in the Milky Way are more than 90% similar to Earth? Computer: 765 known. Rick: How many of them are outside the jurisdiction of the Galactic Federation? Computers: 3. Rick: Look at this baby, you can't tell that this isn't Earth, right? Morty: Of course you can see that there is no Africa on this planet. Rick: Hey, Caucasians are a lot of things! Summer (to Jerry): Loving someone is not about getting something in return, love is unconditional! Can wait for those who hate you to hate you and hate you. 09------------------- Rick (to Millennia): You keep the world at peace by robbing and killing people one night a year with no consequences? Rick: It seems that my stomach is still not as strong as my eyes. Rick (to Morty): In the universe, there's something called the "non-interference principle." Jerry: I'm the punching bag for the whole family. Jerry (to Summer): Was "hating my dad" part of growing up? Morty (to Rick): I've been wanting to kill you old jerk! I'm going to dig your guts out and put it on your stupid face! 10------------------- Jerry: A good breakfast cereal is 70% of the cereal floating on the milk. Rick: To put it bluntly, weddings are just funerals with cakes. Birdperson (to Tammy): I am yours until death. Rick: I'm not the sweetest person in the universe because I'm the smartest one. Rick: I can't keep my marriage going, even if I can turn a black hole back into a star. Rick: How many other planets in the Milky Way are more than 90% similar to Earth? Computer: 765 known. Rick: How many of them are outside the jurisdiction of the Galactic Federation? Computers: 3. Rick: Look at this baby, you can't tell that this isn't Earth, right? Morty: Of course you can see that there is no Africa on this planet. Rick: Hey, Caucasians are a lot of things! Summer (to Jerry): Loving someone is not about getting something in return, love is unconditional! ------------------- Jerry: A good breakfast cereal is 70% floating on milk. Rick: To put it bluntly, weddings are just funerals with cakes. Birdperson (to Tammy): I am yours until death. Rick: I'm not the sweetest person in the universe because I'm the smartest one. Rick: I can't keep my marriage going, even if I can turn a black hole back into a star. Rick: How many other planets in the Milky Way are more than 90% similar to Earth? Computer: 765 known. Rick: How many of them are outside the jurisdiction of the Galactic Federation? Computers: 3. Rick: Look at this baby, you can't tell that this isn't Earth, right? Morty: Of course you can see that there is no Africa on this planet. Rick: Hey, Caucasians are a lot of things! Summer (to Jerry): Loving someone is not about getting something in return, love is unconditional! ------------------- Jerry: A good breakfast cereal is 70% floating on milk. Rick: To put it bluntly, weddings are just funerals with cakes. Birdperson (to Tammy): I am yours until death. Rick: I'm not the sweetest person in the universe because I'm the smartest one. Rick: I can't keep my marriage going, even if I can turn a black hole back into a star. Rick: How many other planets in the Milky Way are more than 90% similar to Earth? Computer: 765 known. Rick: How many of them are outside the jurisdiction of the Galactic Federation? Computers: 3. Rick: Look at this baby, you can't tell that this isn't Earth, right? Morty: Of course you can see that there is no Africa on this planet. Rick: Hey, Caucasians are a lot of things! Summer (to Jerry): Loving someone is not about getting something in return, love is unconditional!
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