First movie I watched in 2019.
Throughout the film, I have the same feeling of gender inversion and self-identification, but whenever the protagonist stares at his own sexual organs in the mirror, I always think of myself in fifth and sixth grade. At that time, my menarche came a little earlier than the female classmates around me, and my body also changed inadvertently that I felt unfamiliar. Whenever I see the girls around me still have flat breasts, I feel an unprecedented sense of self-loathing, complaining about my gradually changing body. I don't even know where I heard the absurd statement, covering the chest with ice water, thinking that this will inhibit its growth. When I think about those days now, I find it ridiculous, but the pain and daze at that time remain firmly in a certain corner of my heart, and will continue to be presented with new carriers as the years progress.
I have always believed that in adolescence, when the external experience is lackluster, the changes in the body will always affect the sensitive nerves of boys and girls first. "Exploration of the body" is also the eternal motif of various youth films at home and abroad. This film is no exception, although it has the lgbt label, the first thing that attracts people is the issue of gender identity. Perhaps because of the transgender of the protagonist, and the primary difference between men and women is their physical characteristics, the film echoes the motif on this level.
I think that the protagonist may gradually become accustomed to the new self after successfully becoming a woman, drifting away from the time presented in the film, and the memory cannot bear the rust of the years and is no longer complete. But I believe that even when it comes to the day when she has sex with her grandson, she will not forget that mottled time: hunched over in the women's bathroom to prevent others from staring at her chest, and having to be distracted when kissing the boy she likes. To cover the secrets of the body, the bleeding toes after dancing, and the pain and overwhelming redness before finally fainting.
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