The most unbearable thing for her is her own body
Last year's award-winning work "Girl" at the Cannes Golden Camera Awards, just the posters and stills are beautiful enough to attract people ▽
If you tell you that the "girl" in the picture is actually a cute boy, you'll see why fans expect it so much.
This is the story of a 15-year-old boy with gender identity disorder who, with the support of his father, undergoes hormonal therapy to prepare for sex-change surgery.
The film is director Lucas DeHoot's debut. For such a very contemporary transgender topic, the curious experience in the eyes of ordinary people, after watching the whole film, there is no opportunistic or exaggerated sensationalism.
On the contrary, it is a very mature interpretation of a girl's forbearance and beauty, and the word "pain" is left in the end.
Living with her father and younger brother, Lara is now 15 years old and enrolled in the best dance school in the country to study ballet.
Other children put on dancing shoes when they were very young. Lara was starting from scratch. Fortunately, she was talented and entered the school smoothly.
But on the one hand, she needs to work harder to catch up with the progress of her classmates. On the other hand, she has to find a way to integrate into the new small group while trying to hide her secrets.
Lara's secrets are huge, and if you look closely at her, you'll find her strange.
On the first day of school, the students took turns introducing themselves. When it was Lara's turn, the teacher asked her to close her eyes after her brief introduction, and then asked a question:
Raise your hand if any of the female students mind using the same bathroom as Lara.
The female students looked at each other and smiled, but no one raised their hands.
Lara opened her eyes and blushed with embarrassment, and the embarrassed smile gradually disappeared.
She never left to take a shower after dance class, and when asked by classmates, she lied that she didn't sweat.
Until Lara undresses, her secrets are well kept.
She has long soft golden hair, deep green eyes, and a beautiful slender neck. She is like a natural ballet dancer and a natural girl.
The way Lara is now, maybe even her family is occasionally in a trance. She used to be a boy named Victor.
In front of the doctor, she took off her clothes, still the body of a young teenager.
Lara and her father sat opposite the doctor, all three of them were calm. This was a boy who was about to become a girl.
It can be seen that both the doctor and Lara are more excited than worried.
Doctors hope that the latest technology can more reliably replicate the female body, and Lara is completely impatient to become her real self.
But successfully changing gender is a long process.
The first step is to take hormonal medication.
Hormonal medication can cause initial changes in Lara's body.
Lara wants to have fuller breasts sooner, but she doesn't notice any welcome changes in her daily observations.
For a 15-year-old girl in bloom, under the influence of hormones, she began to develop sexual consciousness.
But because of the gender ambiguity, she doesn't even know if she likes boys or girls.
She struggled with low self-esteem and anxiety.
The most unbearable thing for her was her own body, so that she used very cruel means to hide her "defects".
Every morning, she completely seals her male genitals with white tape, and secretly rips them off in the bathroom after dance training.
The skin between the lower abdomen and the thighs was torn by the adhesive tape, causing allergic infection.
After this incident was broken by her father, her father told her to stop immediately. Although Lara agreed verbally, she continued.
Wearing tight ballet clothes on her body, if Lara doesn't do it, you can imagine her embarrassing situation.
But everything was discovered by those girls.
At a girl's birthday party, Lara was forced to take off her pants and show her body on the spot.
In other girls' logic, if you want to be considered a girl, you shouldn't be afraid to show them your body.
Lara had no choice but to obey.
On the other hand, she kept forcing herself to improve in her dance training, but in many cases she still got the phrase "I don't meet the standard, I still need to continue to work hard".
In the dance classroom, the teacher's voice kept repeating and urging: keep going, don't stop, keep up with the team, don't fall behind.
Lara stabilized her broken body and her emotions on the verge of collapse during the spins.
Her toes were deformed and bleeding from training, and under the pressure, her body was deteriorating and her weight was getting lower and lower, and it was no longer suitable for surgery.
The second step in changing gender is surgery.
What kind of surgery is this?
Doctors will completely remove the penis, remove all the corpus cavernosum, create a new uterus, transform the glans into a new clitoris, and determine the depth of the vagina based on the gut tissue.
Complications that may arise are:
Heavy bleeding, wounds that are difficult to heal, and, in severe cases, damage to the vaginal atrophy tube and perforation of the rectal wall.
But luckily all this is rare.
But Lara's body was no longer able to support her on the operating table.
This made her even more anxious and helpless, her eyes were full of confusion, and her breath was full of unease.
Going to the back, Lara, who did her best in every dance training, seemed to let us see Nina in "Black Swan" again.
Depression, pain, the pain of torn tape and broken toes are shown again and again under the scrutiny of the camera, making people gasp for breath, as if the pain is piercing the skin.
Lara's sensitive heart was suffering. Just when she thought everything would turn around, she suddenly faced the most desperate situation.
Lara collapsed directly in the lounge after a high-intensity training session, which also caused her to miss the big show the next day.
She sat in the audience watching the performance of her classmates and burst into tears.
Lara, who was recuperating at home, finally had some peace. Her father invited friends over to add some lively atmosphere to the home, but when no one was paying attention, Lara's face was always full of loneliness.
The eve of a storm is always calm, and Lara can't bear to be like this anymore. She holds back a big move that only she knows.
If you want to get a new life, it seems that you can only be more cruel to yourself.
Just like Nina in "Black Swan", under various complex emotions and repression, she has become her own paranoid demon, and she can only kill it with her own hands to finally reach "perfection".
And Lara, on a certain afternoon when she was alone at home, took out a lot of ice cubes, a towel, and a pair of scissors from the refrigerator, made an emergency call, went into the bedroom, bit the towel, and "solved" her own problem by herself. genitals.
During the whole process, Lara was unusually calm.
Let the part that doesn't belong to you completely disappear, and Lara has reached her perfection.
All this while, Lara hardly shed a single tear, even when the blood flowed, the pain was unbearable, or she was humiliated by her classmates.
Even though the tears were swirling in her eyes many times, she always held her head up and returned to the bottom of her eyes.
Like every girl with low self-esteem in adolescence, she often observes other people's reactions. When her eyes meet, she always maintains the most cautious smile. She looks beautiful, but she is fragile and perishable.
But girl, you smile so beautifully, why do I want to cry.
The story of Lara in the film is not entirely fictional, it is based on the Belgian professional ballet dancer Nora Monsecour.
The left is Lara in the film, the right is the prototype of the film, Belgian transgender dancer Nora
She wanted to change sex since she was a child and used tape to cover her sexual characteristics. It was her personal experience.
Nora identified her gender at age 4, started taking hormone medication at 11 and completed surgery at 18.
At the same time, the film is also very reminiscent of the domestic dancer Jin Xing, who is also a dancer and who chose to become a woman. The hardships in real life must be presented more than the movie.
Jin Xing became a classical ballerina at the age of 9, but at the age of 6, it was already clear that she wanted to become a woman in the future.
It was not until the age of 27 that she had surgery, and because of the doctor's mistake, she almost became disabled during the operation. Fortunately, in the end, she became herself.
Some people may ask, why do you have to be transgender? Now that society is tolerant, the boundaries between men and women are becoming more and more blurred.
But the completely different suffering of the self in the body and the self in the mirror must not only be the daily life of Venus and Lara in the past, but most ordinary people experience this magical feeling every day.
In this cruel society, if you want to live true and self, you have to bear some painful costs.
Those transgender people who are willing to go on the operating table and dedicate their lives to their dreams, in our opinion, are the real heroes of this era, but for them, it is just to become a "girl".
-FIN - Public account: Xiaoxianmovie (xiaoxianmovie)
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