love dialogue

Therapist: Relationships are best measured by farting.

Peter Simon: Excuse me?

Therapist: The stages of a relationship can be defined by farting. Stage one is the conspiracy of silence. This is a fantasy period where both parties pretend that they have no bodily waste. This illusion is very quickly shattered by that first shy, "Ooh, did you fart," followed by the sheepish admission of truth. This heralds a period of deeper intimacy. A period I like to call the "Fart Honeymoon", where both parties find each other's gas just the cutest thing in the world. But, of course, no honeymoon can last forever. And so we reach the critical fork in the fart. Either the fart loses its power to amuse and embarrass thereby signifying true love, or else it begins to annoy and disgust, thereby symbolizing all that is blocked and rancid in the formerly beloved. Do you see what I'm getting at?

Talullah Riggs-Wentworth: So what's going on?

Peter Simon: Finlay thinks I should see his therapist.

Talullah Riggs-Wentworth: Finlay sees a therapist?

Peter Simon: Yeah. Some woman he says is really good with relationships.

Talullah Riggs-Wentworth: Maybe I should see her. I think I need to get in touch with my inner child.

Peter Simon: Talullah, if you get in touch with your inner child, you're going to need an inner nanny.

Talullah Riggs-Wentworth: I don't trust nannies. They're all whores.

Peter Simon: What about Mary Poppins?

Talullah Riggs-Wentworth: Slut.

Peter Simon: What are you talking abut?

Talullah Riggs-Wentworth: She left the convent, married Christopher Plummer, and then took all his children up the Alps.

Peter Simon: Speaking of 'The Sound of Music', where's Jacks?