I probably couldn't read this movie a year ago. I might think this is one of those abnormal marriages. I don't know if it's too superficial and superficial to watch this movie after entering the marriage after a lapse of many years.
Now I also talk about love and marriage is not the same. If you plan to marry a person, don't impose your love expectations and aspirations on that person. If there is an average for a happy life, then the expectation of happiness is not necessarily higher than the average. I do not deny the vigorous and fiery love, and I also believe that the two little ones will grow old together forever. But uncontrolled love is like wanton pulling a rubber band. Our confidence in love has already exceeded its own bottom line. When the rubber band is pulled, it is too late to understand its tolerance.
The film begins Marianne and Johan as the perfect couple in an interview, their lives are like the exquisitely packaged gifts of a high-end store, and the ribbons and bows in the packaging are not asymmetrical. They treat each other with courtesy, respect, understanding, and tolerance. Small frictions in life can be completely silent, and disputes about sex life can also be passed by calmly. The conversation is filled with the words please, thank you, can you, okay, and the eyes are full of kindness. I see harmony but not love.
There is a passage that says:
A young woman always looks forward to meeting a gentle man, imagining the two of them talking in a rainy night, and he can often add fragrance to her. The young man always hopes that there is a kind woman behind him, hoping that in the twilight, the light and cold will gradually become heavier, and she can quietly add tea to him. Years have been grinding to the end, but the man who holds the hand is always the man who adds clothes to her, the woman who swears and adds food for him. Time is not cruel, but between beauty and truth, if there is only one choice, it always leaves truth.
Presumably a woman can love that carefree man, and a man can tolerate that cursing woman is a good marriage, from the real beauty to the real. And Marianne and Johan's perfect marriage is an undercurrent of disgust. Like Peter said is there anything scarier than a couple who hate each other, there are scenes like that in Marriage Story. How many people have maintained their marriage relationship no longer because of love, but because of responsibility, fear, interest, possession.
I just thought it was cruel when Johan told Marianne that he was in love with Paula and that he was going to be up in Paris in the morning, and Marianne's reaction was suffocating. Anger, fear, unease, and hatred are all buried under the helplessness and pleading of the most controlled. Looking back at life, even if every moment will become the past, the present moment is undoubtedly the most powerless to resist. Pleading is to suspend the pain, but the most painful thing is to be pushed down without buffering betrayal, the deep valley of deception and then face the destroyed self alone.
Johan and Marianne are living in the precarious building of their marriage, they avoid facing the cracked brick and tile, and carefully maintain the integrity and beauty of the façade. When the divorce was agreed, Johan and Marianne's anger and dissatisfaction with each other broke out, and the dangerous building of the marriage finally collapsed into a war of words and fists. It was not until the end that Johan and Marianne let each other see their true selves. Marriage is not destroyed by nagging and broken thoughts, it is destroyed by ignoring it and letting it go.
Marriage not only satisfies each other's need for love, but also means that the two become the closest community of interests. Marriage has its rules, loyalty, communication, trust, unity, but often the rules are not binding. Marriage not only satisfies our sense of security, belonging, happiness, and growing old, but also destroys our belief in love, our longing for happiness, and our expectations of humanity. Johan and Marianne later understand what love is, and they begin discussing each other's imperfections and expressing their feelings, compared to what they see as the perfect lover in the interview at the beginning of the film.
Being able to live in your true self is the best state of love and marriage. Fromm said in "The Art of Love", "Love is a kind of ability, and it is the manifestation of the whole personality. To develop the ability to love, you need to work hard to develop one's personality and move towards beneficial goals." Love because it's not innate, don't try to wake someone who is pretending to be asleep in love.
I don't think being authentic in a relationship is just wanton and unscrupulous. On the contrary, tolerance is the cultivation of marriage, to be a better self and to complete the shortcomings of human nature. Give sincere love, show weakness, and control the desires of your nature. Marriage is a train heading for the unknown. Even if we have all bought the tickets to the destination, we still have the right to choose to get off the train halfway. Love, is she/he still reluctant to get off the bus alone after seeing all the scenery. The most valuable thing in marriage is not the choice you made for each other at first, but the choice you still choose among the many choices after a long time. Love is mutual need, and self-discipline comes from need and love, not from bondage.
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