The face of marriage is the social relationship, and the inner part is the intimate relationship.
In fact, the same is true of human beings. The outside is me who is required by traditions, customs and morals, and the inside is me who is intertwined with desires, instincts, emotions and emotions.
Before the start of the movie, the male protagonist listed a long list of advantages in self-introduction: smart, successful and energetic, sexy and competent, responsible for the family, agree with the national system, etc.; while the self-introduction of the woman was dazed and overwhelmed, stuttering for a long time All I can say is: I am married to him and have two children. I am very happy to marry him and think he is very good. Men feel like they are in control of the world and women are attached to men and center on them.
Men often have to bear a lot of responsibilities and labels given by tradition and society. When they achieve great success, they often mistakenly think that they have really completed their lives, but do not know the real needs of "persons" as "individuals". Therefore, even when the male protagonist has a successful job and a successful family, he will fall into a huge sense of absurdity and meaninglessness, because as an inner person, external career money, etc. are not necessary for the essence of human beings as animals. When a man meets Paula, an extramarital lover, he does not need to bear social responsibility, but only needs to enjoy pure passion and lust, so he mistakenly thinks that it is love, and he cannot do without Paula. In fact, he is developed for the needs of a biological person. The male protagonist's poems are poorly written, it's just a kind of spiritual masturbation, because he is spiritually empty and has not reached the depth and gain that an essential person should have. Later, he said that he didn't want to care about other people's opinions, and it felt good to be a rogue. This is a rebellion against oneself as a social being. As they signed the divorce settlement, he said he was trying to express his true self, but it wasn't easy. Said they never communicated like this. Said that he failed at work and lived very tired. It was not until the end of the marriage that he learned to express his true self and feelings to his lover, the true self who was cowardly, fearful, and escaping.
Women are bound by tradition and society. The heroine takes her husband and family as the core, values the feelings of others, and believes that empathy is very important when dealing with problems (in the book "Intimacy", the author believes that women are good at empathy because women are weak, and strong men do not need it. Empathy), so she is satisfied that if she takes good care of her husband, children, and family, her life is complete, and she does not know what the meaning of her life is. She regards satisfying her husband's expectations and external regulations as the meaning of life. So she chattered, cared about the feelings of her mother or even any friends and relatives, felt guilty for fear of getting fat for breakfast, and had to give a bunch of reasons to eat butter and bread with peace of mind. Her careful, tediousness bored her husband. And men just don't want to face real emotions. When their friend is drunk and expresses the real woes and problems in their marriage, the men simply avoid saying, "Let's have a good night." After being separated for a long time, the man couldn't help but come to the woman. The woman wanted to read the reflection that the psychiatrist asked her to write. It said that she had learned to please others, hide herself, pretend everything, didn't know who she was, and didn't get rid of the shackles of her family. But the husband actually fell asleep listening to it. When the two reveal their true self and heart to each other, it is the time when they truly understand and meet. But they all missed it. They only dare to let go of all disguise and fear when everything is destroyed and no longer have any expectations and energy, and reveal themselves with a broken jar and broken mentality. The woman's expression is: I will resist, I would rather face the reality and solve the problem; the man's expression is: I'm trying to express myself, I don't want to care about other people's opinions, it's good to be a rogue.
A good marriage must have the face of social relations, but also the inner face of intimacy. Matching the external conditions such as family matching, education, work income, etc., here is the inside; a good intimacy relationship (actually love, but "love" in the traditional context has a romantic illusory and unrealistic feeling, so I prefer to use The expression "intimacy") is Riko. It is the union of two animal people who are not social people.
A good marriage also requires both to be able to handle their own face and inner self as individuals. Only when you are not contradictory and your personality is stretched can you love others with a stable and full attitude.
Humanities such as psychology and sociology generally agree that love should include intimacy, passion, and commitment. People like to say that marriage is the grave of love, which seems to be a limited understanding of the extension of the concept of "intimacy, passion, commitment". It is necessary to know that all beautiful things are precious under the background of the opposite "unbeautiful" side. The good and the bad are opposite to each other. These unhappy emotions and feelings of anger, but in fact both are real and important emotional experiences of human beings. A truly mature and powerful person accepts and enjoys both emotional experiences in equal measure.
In the same way, intimacy must include intimacy and non-intimacy. Passion must include sweetness and freshness and bitterness and dullness. Promises promise good things to each other, and there is the possibility of discussing the worst. Without alienation, bitterness, and worst-case expectations, all intimacy, passion, and commitment are meaningless. When we hug each other tightly, it is intimacy. We live in two places and live separately. Although we are not together, we can finally meet and embrace each other. It is also intimacy, and it is for the sake of the intimacy of meeting. We feel very happy to experience new and exciting things together. We don’t know that long and boring daily life is and is the norm in life. If we accept and cannot enjoy the blandness and blindly pursue new and exciting things, the fresh and exciting beautiful bubbles will eventually lose their dullness. It broke down with a bang. We promise each other full of expectations, but only by doing everything possible for the worst to happen can we face the truth and face all the possibilities between two people. in promise.
In the movie, two people walk together to keep warm because they are hurt by their own feelings, and they feel that they get along well and get married. This kind of relationship lacks intimacy and passion. After they get married, they continue to maintain and show the illusion of a happy marriage to the outside world, which is to aggrieve their true self and meet the expectations of others in society. They ignored their true and true feelings and kept running away, until all the conflicts accumulated and erupted, all emotions were in chaos, and all expectations were mixed with too much disappointment, dissatisfaction, resentment, and there was no room for recovery.
They finally got back to the essential, naked and candid me.
But their marriage was also destroyed.
They both remarried many years later. Seeing each other again, I don't have the superior economic conditions and middle-class status before, but I can calmly tell my friends about extramarital affairs and the like. They were dating in a shabby log cabin, and watching the man packing up, the woman suddenly burst into tears. These bland days are the same as many years ago. Men are still jealous and women are still afraid, but they no longer quarrel, tire and avoid, only embrace each other intimately.
Such an ending has been rare. How many people have never really treated each other calmly from being together to the end.
. . . . .
I don't know where the dividing line ends.
There are not many friends who have been in contact with, and fewer of the opposite sex. I have come to the conclusion that very few people are able to confront and embrace all the emotions, emotions, thoughts, characteristics and essences of themselves and others. It seems that women are more comprehensible and receptive, while men prefer to avoid and deny. This is a natural characteristic of men and women who grow up in social culture. But one day we will discover our true self. Women will resist, express their demands, and be themselves; men will resist, express cowardice, and face everything.
I hope that everyone can finally cultivate into a harmonious and transparent self, and also meet a lover who is also mature and powerful, and can illuminate and mirror each other.
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