The Hollywood film The Joy Luck Club, released in 1993, was adapted from the novel of the same name and won the Silver Bear at the Berlin Film Festival.
The story tells the stories of four Chinese women living in the United States, their mothers, daughters, and three generations of women in the 1950s.
The film kicks off with an old woman's memory of her journey across the ocean. She went to the United States alone and decided to settle down, so that her children could be separated from her original living environment in the future, and she wanted to give future generations a different growth environment. and bright future.
The "Joy Luck Club" is actually a gathering of regular meals and chats, founded by four Chinese women.
The way the film is shot is very clever. The memories of each old woman take everyone through time to see the stories that happened to them, their mothers, and their daughters.
The themes of the film involve discussions of the mother-daughter relationship, women's place in marriage, and the awakening of women's self-awareness.
Today, I will borrow the marriage stories of three of the women in the movie to discuss the low profile of relationships, money, and status in marriage, which has caused them to gradually lose themselves and experience feelings of loss.
I don't mind a mixed emotion, but it will end up with bitter fruit.
The young Yingying was played by 21-year-old Yu Feihong. She was a junior at Beijing Film Academy and was selected to go to Hollywood to shoot the film. The short 7-8 minutes of footage left the audience with a shocking impression.
Lively, free, and yearning for the flowery world, Yingying is attracted by the suave and suave son. The son-in-law successfully invited Yingying to the dance party and private party at night, so he got married and had children naturally.
But the son-in-law started flirting with the female singer openly at their son's 100-day feast. After Yingying saw it, she did nothing but was angry and puzzled, and left silently with the child in her arms.
In the days that followed, Yingying sat at the dining table and waited for her husband to come back, from morning to evening, and from evening to the next morning.
Yingying is becoming increasingly decadent, from a blooming rose in the past to falling flowers all over the ground.
Finally, when the husband came back, he brought back a prostitute.
Yingying stared at her husband angrily, but her husband beat and scolded her for being a prostitute and her Yingying was a prostitute, no different from a prostitute.
She roared, her shattered plate, but she still couldn't do anything.
In the end, she lost her life when she was bathing her son, and Yingying lost her soul.
The young Yingying played by Yu Feihong did not have many lines, but she accurately expressed her yearning for love in her teenage years, as well as her anger, confusion and helplessness when she was betrayed later.
When Yingying accompanied her husband to the dance, many women came over to greet him, but Yingying selectively ignored it.
Because of her unparalleled beauty and youthful body, she doesn't even bother to compare herself with those women at dances, those showgirls who appear by her husband's side.
That is to say, at the beginning, Yingying had confidence in herself and confidence in her husband at the same time.
However, this confidence was shattered by her husband's repeated absences at night, and Yingying's heart gradually declined, and she was even humiliated by her husband in front of a prostitute.
Her dignity, her love are all low to the dust.
Yingying even thought that she could wait for her husband's return silently, but some men don't know how to appreciate and cherish because of women's emotional indulgence.
Her husband is becoming more and more confident, so what if she thinks Yingying is so arrogant? It's not that you lost your body to yourself before marriage, and that you can't do anything about yourself after marriage?
Therefore, women in love and marriage should care about the "purity" of this relationship at the beginning of love.
See if you are the only one, is that man divided into many feelings, and I am only one of them?
If I didn't mind at the beginning that this man couldn't treat me 100%, the days after that would definitely be more difficult.
At no time should the standard be lowered.
An AA marriage may bring respect, but an AA relationship will not have love.
In recent years, the voice of women's rights has been very high, and there is one thing that has been discussed the most: should women spend men's money?
Li Na is the child of Yingying who remarried and gave birth to the United States. Later, Yingying was immersed in the pain of losing her son, and did not pay much attention to her daughter. Instead, she needed her to take care of her emotional changes from time to time.
Li Na is married to a company boss whose salary is seven times higher than her own.
The two started dating from the first date. In order to adapt to the principle of equality between men and women followed by this American boyfriend, Li Na took the initiative to propose the AA system.
Even in the later date, Li Na only ordered one dish that she ate, while her boyfriend ordered three dishes.
The habit of the AA system extends to after marriage, as small as a nail will be carefully recorded by the husband, and then billed to Li Na.
The deworming medicine and cat food that her husband gave to Li Na's cat as a gift were all paid by Li Na personally.
Li Na's mother began to question her daughter's marriage after seeing the bill.
And asked her: You never eat ice cream, why do you have to pay half the cost of ice cream?
It turned out that the boyfriend who became the husband did not know that Li Na never eats ice cream.
Mother asked Li Na: What do you want from this wedding?
Li Na said: "Respect and love".
Obviously, Li Na is not respected and loved by her husband.
If there is respect, he will not let Li Na bear the cost of his personal belongings, and if he loves, he will not not know Li Na's preferences.
The Matthew effect in love: the more people who invest, the easier it is not to be cherished.
From the beginning, Li Na didn't mind that the other party took advantage of her money, even if her husband's income was so much higher than her own. Later, her husband intensified, completely ignoring her feelings.
She mistook it for the American way of life, that her husband would respect her more.
But she didn't expect that her self-sacrifice and self-lowering would not only fail to bring her love, but instead would become an excuse for her husband to use her.
Fortunately, under the guidance of her mother, she finally understood that this approach of lowering herself could not bring herself love and respect, and finally left this indifferent husband.
Care about whether the man is willing to spend money for himself, and whether the man can see his preferences.
Whether or not you can spend money on a woman is a man's ability, and whether he is willing to spend money on a woman he likes is a man's attitude.
Ability can be improved through hard work, but in a relationship, what is more important is attitude.
A woman may not mind that you spend a little more, I spend a little less of that sort of thing. But a man can't take this kind and considerate as a weight that this woman can easily bully and don't bother to care about.
Modern women don't take "spending husband's money" as something to show off, but they also can't bring themselves down to the point where they can be treated at will.
Marriage is an evenly matched company, not someone who doesn't mind putting themselves in the dust.
Ruth fell in love at first sight with an American rich second generation, who was attracted by Ruth's self-confidence, independence and sunshine. Married Ruth despite her American parents' resistance.
After marriage, Ruth returned to the family. From the arrangement of breakfast to the selection of her husband's tie, from the holding of her husband's business dinner to the condolences of her parents on festivals, Ruth could not pick out a single fault.
She didn't mind being the man behind her husband, because she felt that as a rich second-generation husband, it was a great honor for her to like Ruth.
She believes that her husband's love is great and sacrificial, and her own love is small and weak.
So she doesn't mind that her status is lower, she doesn't mind losing some right to speak, and she doesn't mind that the cost of food and clothing at home is subject to her husband's preference.
But from her husband's point of view, Ruth, who had a distinct personality and was one-of-a-kind at the time, had disappeared, and she had only become a housewife who wanted her husband to choose what to eat for one night.
The husband no longer cared about Ruth because he could no longer see her brilliance, and filed for divorce.
The "Murphy's Law" in love says: The more you care about him, the easier it is to behave badly.
Because when you care too much about a person, you will have a lot of gains and losses.
For example, you are afraid that he will be unhappy, or that he will not love you. But Ruth later realizes that her love is not smaller and lower than her husband's love, but her husband discovers Ruth's charm again. This is because when the mind is normal, the personal charm can be displayed to the greatest extent.
Ruth hid her emotions and thoughts, believing it would make her husband comfortable and liked.
But what she didn't know was that she didn't mind how she was treated or lost her family status, but she covered up all her brilliance.
Women should be mindful of their own existence and their status in relationships and married life.
If you don't mind your own status, you will gradually lose yourself and become a machine for family work, without your own character traits, and your preferences are mainly husbands and children.
What kind of existence does such a woman have?
It doesn't mean to suppress men everywhere, but to be able to recognize their importance and recognize their indispensable value in the family.
Only in this way can a man truly respect and care.
The bottom line of marriage is that married life is better than single. ——"Happy Events at Home"
Yu Feihong said: Others' expectations are his expectations, and it has nothing to do with who I am. I have never played myself, and I never need to play myself. I am who I am, and what I am is what I am.
I don't mind giving myself only a part of my emotions, and I put myself very low at the beginning of the relationship. Trying to exchange my sincerity for a man's return can't really be wishful thinking. Maybe the beginning is wrong.
I don't mind that my husband can only give himself a partner-like AA life, and he can gain respect to a certain extent, but behind the respect, he will not give too much consideration to your feelings, and will only give you a businesslike indifference.
I feel that my love is small, and I deliberately put myself in a very low position in the family, which will only make men unable to see your shining points, and gradually lose patience and interest.
For a woman, the moment she lowers herself and doesn't mind, she is destined to lose in this relationship.
Just be yourself neatly, but ask for more, and don't give up your power easily. Relying on your unique charm and value to attract the right person is a lesson that every woman should learn in a relationship.
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