. Three children, three families, three models.
Julie, who is about to graduate from high school, grew up in a single-parent family, at the same age, full of beautiful fantasies about men and sex, and wanted to give her first time on the night of the prom. Lisa, Julie's mother, was still unable to deal with the pain of being abandoned by her partner when she was young, and then regarded Julie's ball plan as a scourge and the beginning of another scam.
Kayla has a very strong father who plays the dual role of father and mother. Under the strong appearance, there is a gentle heart. And this kind of dedication personality was also passed on to Kayla. Hearing about the prom plan of a good friend, even if he was not familiar with the current "boyfriend", he was quickly willing to join the plan.
Sam has an absent father and a terrible mother. The father was cowardly, was domestically abused, and his wife had cheated on but dared not speak, and was finally forced to divorce; the mother was abusive and didn't care about Sam's feelings and thoughts. Sam, who grew up in this environment, inherited his father's cowardice, and was full of "spit" at men, thinking that they were dirty. Even Sam becoming a Lara has something to do with this. Hearing Julie's plan, she was cowardly and had no objection to it. Even though it was Lara, she agreed to find a boy to complete this prom night.
1. Growth
J. Bowlby (1951), who studied children's behavior, pointed out that infant growth between 3 and 6 months is a critical period for the development of imprinting. The so-called imprinting phenomenon refers to the behavior of a newly born animal following its "attachment object". Therefore, the period of 3 to 6 months has become a critical period for infants to develop attachment relationships. The establishment of attachment relationship is also the only way for babies to learn and grow up first.
There are two growth peaks in a person's life, one is infancy from 0 to 1 year old, and the other is adolescence. Changes in height and weight, development of sexual characteristics, and gradual changes in thinking patterns are all good evidence of the peak growth. Children in this period urgently need to do something to verify and prove their strength. For adolescent children, "sex" is a topic full of unknowns and temptations, and it may also be a "best" way of verification.
Internal growth requires external behavior to demonstrate. Just like before looking in the mirror, you can never be sure that others say you are beautiful, whether they are complimenting you or cursing you. Most adolescent rebellion is the function of such a mirror. By constantly breaking through and repairing the boundaries and relationships between oneself and oneself, oneself and parents, oneself and friends, etc., to confirm the current "power" of oneself. Therefore, children who don't make it are not normal.
2. Independence
The newly born child is actually one with the role of "mother". The older children are one with the larger role of "family". However, with the development of age, experience, ability, etc., children will sooner or later discover the differences between themselves and their mothers and family, which is the beginning of the development of independent personality.
Why do you want to go to work and not go to school? ——Our mission is different.
Why are you allowed to smoke and drink while I am restricted? ——Our power is different.
Why can you not go home in the middle of the night and I have to go to bed at ten o'clock? ——Our behavior is different.
Why do you guys wear beautifully but I can only wear school uniforms? ——Our appearance is different.
why... ...
In the end, they will find that I am different from you. At this time independent personality has also developed.
Three, separation
Spiritual independence does not mean independence in relationship and behavior. Especially some "confused" parents are not aware that their children have become independent (the three parents in the film are typical). So a war on "you need to let go" and "children are you still young" started.
At this time, the child's rebellious psychology is even heavier. Because now is not only to prove oneself, but also to liberate oneself (children usually think that couples discipline themselves like slaves and slave owners). Breaking away from their parents' discipline and gaining their own independent space has become their main goal. Parents in this period, regardless of letting go or not, separation will be the final outcome.
Separation is painful-parents are very painful, I have raised you for so many years, but you have to be independent, are you leaving me, are you not loving me? ——The child is also very painful. The embrace of the parents is very warm, but the sky outside is more exciting. If you don’t let me be independent, are you trying to kill my personality? Look, neither of them is happy.
But separation is necessary. Everyone has their own worldview, values, and outlook on life. They will generate their own ideas and practice their own behaviors. When another person tries to prevent or even suppress it, the growth of this person will be restricted. Because this is the persecution of the most basic attributes of human beings. Both children and parents need their own independent space and personality. Growth is a process, independence is a result, and separation is a must-because only separation can have independence. But this does not mean that the parent-child relationship is broken. Parents are still parents and children are still children. Only now, "I" has grown up, "I" will love you in my own way.
Finally, separation is painful, growth is joyful, and independence is also a kind of happiness. In this world, there are not only Mabao, but also Hasbro. I hope everyone can find their own mirror and live out their own wonderfulness.
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