The reason for Burton's deepening of self-hatred must be related to the fact that he found himself always doing "unwanted" things.
He was a proud man, and he always wanted to be as manly as the miners around him. However, he did not resist when he was forced to drop out of school at the age of 15, and his whole family went to the air raid shelter during the German air raid, but he was lying in bed and waiting for the bombing to begin. That was always the case.
Of course, maybe earlier, because his brother Graham said that every time his brother-in-law gets angry, Burton quickly finds a place to hide.
Since entering the industry at the age of 22, whenever he encountered the bullying of those directors and producers, his response was not to resist, he only knew to hide in silence and pain, and he didn't even know how to hate them.
These behaviors are so unpleasant, it really bruises his self-esteem. But instead of hating his own cowardice, he hates the harm he has done to those who care about him even more.
In 1969, he and Taylor ate in the restaurant. He was depressed, unable to eat, and kept sitting there silent. Tyler was worried about him, so he stretched out his hands to him, "Come on, hold my hand, it might be better."
Unbelievably, Burton broke out and cursed, "I don't want to touch your hand! Your hand is big, red and thick, like a man!"
The next day, he woke up and apologized to Taylor. Taylor punished him to buy her the 69.7 carat diamond ring, "It seems that my hands are small and thin."
Burton reflected in his diary and said, “I insulted Elizabeth, got drunk, excused myself from time to time, and then started to treat myself rudely. Sometimes when I suddenly thought that I was my father’s son, he felt terrified. He felt terrified. He has the same talent for verbal harm, and he has the same violent tendency... When we know we are guilty, we put ourselves in a defensive position, pretending to be innocent, and bluffing."
Think about it, how shameful this is?
When he faced the bullying of outsiders, he was a wasteful person who only knew to hide in silence, but when faced with the care and comfort of his loved ones, he was angry at them. He also hurt his stepdaughter Lisa, who had always admired him and loved him as her own father.
As early as during the filming of "Cleopatra", Lisa liked him very much and always threw herself in his arms and called him "Dad".
But he indifferently refused the child's affection to him, "I am not your father, your father is Michael Todd, he is a great person, you can't forget him."
During the filming of "Battle of Suteska" in 1971, there was a German Shepherd in the crew. Lisa liked it very much and asked Burton if he could adopt it.
He refused coldly, "No."
In 1972, he had aggravated alcoholism when he was on the "Blue Beard" crew. Lisa and Kate came over to persuade him to stop drinking, saying that if he continued like this, they would not pay attention to him anymore.
He agreed, but after a few days, he drank it again. Even the director felt the heavy sorrow and self-hatred in him, "He has lived up to the expectations of such good two children. When he thinks about it this way, he is deeply saddened."
Kate later had a big fight with him, and she didn't talk to him for a long time in the 70s.
He scolded Tyler in 1973, and Tyler separated from him. In the spring of the second year, the two talents reconciled for three months. He ran away again because of playing women on the set of "The King of Dragon".
He must blame himself deeply, because of the decline in his career, the ruined appearance, the drunkenness, and the deteriorating health, he vented too much anger in his heart to his lover.
"This woman is my life", "The world is Elizabeth"-he hurt her like this.
No wonder she abandoned him completely and divorced him shortly afterwards, and he didn't hate her either.
Soon after the divorce, he said to reporters, "You can target me maliciously, because I deserve it."
Later, Susan came to him and treated him very well. She hid his wine and refused to hand it over no matter how threatened he was. It was she who rescued him from the greatest crisis of his life, he said, "That was the last time I reached out to the world for help, and she grabbed my hand."
However, he has gone from a quick death that might have been possible to a debilitating, ill-fed, and even having difficulty in eating on his own. She is a woman who has undertaken all the physical labor of the family, and as a man, he can't help at all. .
Even when she fell down while helping him pack his luggage, she kept crying. He didn't know how to comfort her, even though he felt very uncomfortable.
During the second operation and hospitalization in 1981, she served him in the ward, but he scolded her, scolding a woman who was so gentle, so strong, and so loving him that it was unbearable, and finally ran away from him.
For decades, he often wanted to commit suicide. But he is always forcing himself not to do it.
In his diary, he often reminded himself that "I will not commit suicide" and "keep on"; in interviews, he also said, "live", "fight every day", and "I don't want to commit suicide."
Many excuses, struggling to refuse to do it.
A coward like him and a sinner like him continue to live, not only suffering himself, but also continuously hurting those who love him. In the last year, he never scolded anyone, and gave up drinking with great willpower.
It stands to reason that he does not need to die, but the more serious the illness and the further loss of memory, he feels that the dark clouds of the doomsday have drifted over his head.
When he was finally taken to the Geneva National Hospital by ambulance, although CT showed a large area of cerebral hemorrhage, there was the best medical level in the world, and the doctor was sure to rescue him.
They told Sally that after they were rescued, they would need a 6-month recovery period, but they would be paralyzed in a wheelchair and lose their language ability.
The doctor had expected the operation to last 6 hours, but just 30 minutes after the operation, he died of the brain. Although there was a machine to maintain it, his breathing and heartbeat quickly stopped.
They tried their best to rescue them, but they were not able to recover. His will to die was too firm and he would not leave them a chance.
Sally said later that she wanted to understand, "This is just our tragedy. For Richard, this is not a tragedy."
Indeed, it is a tragedy for him to live as a coward and a trash. After buying the script of "Living for Spring Festival" in 65 years, he and the director changed almost all the lines.
In this drama, his useless husband, Professor George, is completely based on his perception of himself. He was born in poverty, read a lot, and had dreams when he was young, but was completely disillusioned by the destruction of life. Young man.
The middle-aged childless marriage, the unequal relationship between husband and wife, because he "highly climbed" his wife, he was bullied and humiliated by his wife after marriage. His wife disliked his cowardice and incompetence, and could not stand his verbal violence, and deliberately slept with a young man in order to avenge him.
He had no choice but to cry and runny, but vicious words. They hurt each other, like two tigers locked in a cage.
A big dream, it's dawn.
In fact, he had already predicted everything about himself, whether it was marriage, love, or death.
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