This is the second time I've seen this movie, and I still have some tears in my eyes when I watch it. I may have more empathy. Of course, I don't have a genius mind like Speyway, but sensitive children probably have something in common in the process of growing up. Always surrounded by all kinds of emotions, amplifying all kinds of emotions, whether happy, doubtful, sad, the inner world is extremely rich.
Spivey and leyton, one got the mind, the other got the body. At the beginning of the film, I think his description of his father may be a sensitive teenager, who has long been longing for the intimacy of a rough father, but because of his disappointment with his frail body, he also resists the attention from his father. As families with many children, children will consciously compete for their parents' attention. It cannot be said that the emotions will be different, but it is undeniable that we are always waiting for the care of our parents in childhood. Families who have lost loved ones often carry heavy grief. If this pain cannot be expressed and vented, it often ferments into a deeper grief. As a face of the death of his twin brother, Spivey thought in silent repression that he had built his own car for his brother's death, and escaping from home was more like a journey of deportation. I used to have this fantasy too when I was a kid, and for a long time, I described childhood with subjective anger and powerlessness, dissatisfaction with my family and everything around me. Even some failures can be traced back to childhood. What if then, if not... I would, a lot of that kind of thinking. This will take a little comfort in your failures, and then continue to sit comfortably in your comfort zone. But when I really grew up and started to understand the world and myself, I realized that wasn't the case. People can be influenced, but not determined. Maybe some aspects of my personality, ways of thinking and behavior have been influenced by my family and upbringing, but I'm still the one who decides my life now, not the kid I remember waiting to be discovered and forgiven.
The topic has gone far, and I know that as a child, there is a high probability of being unable to carry out emotional reflection and self-development. This is why families and parents are so important. Maybe when I grow up, as an adult, I can understand my parents' choices, but I would have preferred someone like Spavi to tell me, "It's not your fault, it's not anyone's fault, and we can't change what happened. things", and hope to be accompanied and recognized. I'm glad I can re-examine my childhood and re-examine my own upbringing instead of being tied down in it. If I have a chance, I really want to tell myself at that time - it doesn't matter, you can be an ordinary child, you can make mistakes, you can cry and laugh, you can be unlovable, obedient, ignorant, and be happy. All the pain that is told will not become a permanent wound, and it is always better to be exposed to the sun than to hide in the shadows. To be understood is the beginning of true emotion.
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