At the end of a weekday, I watched "Ignorance of One Mind".
A few young people sat sparsely in the cinema.
In some emotionally torn clips, I hear someone sobbing.
After the movie ended, everyone sat quietly in their seats without moving.
Someone took a deep breath.
During the viewing process, the memories kept rolling in my mind, seeing Zeng Zhiwei crying, thinking of my dad's face devastated by reality, and thinking of my mother's hoarse voice.
The heart was stabbed, and the feeling sank.
When you haven't made any big mistakes, but your life is still going downhill, are you confident that you can face the impending total collapse in your life with an ordinary mind?
My family hasn't experienced any big ups and downs, it's just struggling repeatedly above and below the poverty line. So back and forth, more than 20 years.
My parents have been in debt since they got married.
My grandparents have been doing nothing since the age of 50, waiting for the only son in the family to raise them.
My parents are just two low-level civil servants, working hard every day to support a family of five. Sometimes my dad even has to take on the responsibility of a son and bear all the expenses of my grandmother's daughter's family every year for the New Year.
When I was in elementary school, there was a wave of layoffs in 1998. My mother was laid off, and the situation at home was even worse.
So, one day in my junior high school, my dad chose to go to sea. Quit your job as a civil servant.
In this way, I lived as a single parent for about 10 years. Until I left home to work in Beijing, I didn't know what a normal parental life was like.
obviously.
My dad's business has been stagnant, losing money every year.
The family is not good at dealing with money, and every big investment fails.
Lack of money, embarrassment, anxiety, loneliness.
Growing up, I experienced countless embarrassing moments in my life.
I sometimes complain that I haven't been loved, and think carefully: How could my parents ever be loved?
Everyone is struggling to cope with the successive crushes of fate. No time to take care of others.
Now, my parents are finally retired and receive their retirement salary.
But the imprint of their lives remained: my dad was taciturn and my mom was anxious and hysterical.
Based on my knowledge of psychology, my mother should have suffered from depression for many years, but she has the tenacity of the people at the bottom and has been fighting in pain.
Looking back, they didn't really enjoy life for a moment.
And I, like an outsider, can only write down their stories and write down my sympathy and compassion for them.
All three of us are lonely, but we don't have the strength to take care of each other anymore.
I don't even know how to get along again.
I think this is just ignorance.
Thanks to the director for his compassion.
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