Recently I watched "Fly With You" for the third time, a warm old movie about the adventures of father and daughter.
As a father, every time I watch this movie, I get something out of it, and I often reflect on it: How can I rebuild a close relationship with my daughter if my father is absent for many years?
Give her Chinese clothes and food? Give her a good future?
I think the more important thing is: fathers pass on their own advantages to their daughters with love and trust. This is the inheritance of life and the transmission of love.
The movie "Fly With You" tells the story of a girl Amy who lost her mother in an accident and had to live with her father, who had been divorced for many years.
Dad spent his days thinking about all kinds of weird inventions, and he was at a loss when he was growing up with Amy. And Amy is also indifferent to her father whom she has not seen for many years.
Until later, Amy found a nest of abandoned goose eggs in the bushes, and successfully hatched a nest of small geese.
Through this group of wild geese, Amy and Daddy got closer. Dad thought of all kinds of wonderful ideas to help Amy. He started to build a glider for her, let her learn to fly with the goose, and then escorted "Mother Goose" Amy to lead the goose to Lake Ontario during the migration season.
In the process of protecting the geese and escorting the geese to fly south, the father and daughter became increasingly close, and the estrangement gradually disappeared.
And the father who had been missing for many years has gradually become a good father in Amy's heart.
From this process, we have seen the father who has been absent for many years, with deep love and infinite tolerance, to pass on the excellent personality characteristics such as trust, bravery, adventure, honesty, etc. to his daughter bit by bit, teach her love, teach her Be brave and teach her to fly alone.
Let's follow the movie to see what Dad did:
1. Unconditional love and tolerance
When Amy was three years old, her mother took her away from her father. Because she traveled around with her mother, she never saw her father again. And Amy was particularly concerned that Dad never saw her.
Her mother died in a car accident, and her father came to the hospital to pick her up. However, Amy, who had not seen her father for a long time, looked at her enthusiastic father, both strange and estranged.
Dad took her home, sent her back to the room she used to live in, and said that the clutter in the room will be cleaned up tomorrow morning, and it will be the same as before.
However, Amy, who was tired and indifferent, said, "I don't remember, I don't remember what it was like before." One sentence extinguished Dad's almost pleasing enthusiasm.
But the next day Dad forgot about Amy's indifference, and still had a similar enthusiasm for Amy.
But Amy was indifferent to her father and her sudden new life, and when her father showed her the newly invented plane, she retorted: "I'm not going to show it off."
Dad's new girlfriend came to see her, and she asked, "You live here too?" After getting a positive answer, she turned and left without saying a word.
Because of the absence of her father for many years and the death of her mother, Amy has been suppressing grief in her heart, but she has not shown it.
But Dad understood, so he didn't feel disappointed or blamed for Amy's indifferent behavior, but kept trying to ease their father-daughter relationship.
Dad has guilt for Amy, but it's more of love, stemming from a father's deep love for his daughter. Because of his deep love, he will tolerate her and feel sorry for her.
Amy found a nest of abandoned goose eggs in the bushes and successfully hatched a nest of young geese. Amy asked Dad to keep the geese, and Dad agreed, and took care of the geese after Amy went to school.
However, in the face of a group of chattering geese, Dad was at a loss and went to Mr. Saifu from the Environmental Protection Bureau to ask how these geese would grow up.
Because of the sudden group of geese, Amy and Dad got closer. But also because of these little geese, Amy was furious with her father and vented her dissatisfaction with her father.
Mr. Saifu came to Amy's house and indicated that he had to cut off the wings of the geese to make them lose their ability to fly, so as to better protect the group of geese. Amy, who was frightened, took the geese to hide in the bathroom, and believed that it was his father. Bringing people to hurt Xiaoyan, Dad is not trustworthy.
Dad felt guilty about this, apologized to Amy, and promised that no one would hurt Xiaoyan again, but the injured Amy refused to forgive him.
Under the comfort of her father's new girlfriend Susan, Amy burst into tears, crying out her dissatisfaction and complaining about her father.
The book Strong Dad Good Daughter says: "Even if you think it's too late and your daughter is too far away from you, you can still run to her. Your age or your daughter's age doesn't matter, what matters is, You are her father and she is your daughter."
So despite Amy's many complaints and distrust of her father, her father did not stop loving and tolerant of Amy. It is precisely because of her father's full love and tolerance that Amy began to trust her father again.
Amy, who was loved by her father, slowly walked out of the shadow of losing her mother and regained her happy and innocent smile.
2. Dare to take risks
A study by Harvard University shows that there are two development directions in life, one is intimacy, the mother has a natural advantage in this regard; the other is independence, which is the natural advantage of the father.
A mother's love makes a girl feel loved, and a father's love makes her independent.
Mothers are naturally cautious, and they pay more attention to safety when they accompany their children. They play building blocks quietly together, which is fun and educational.
Fathers are adventurous by nature, and they pay more attention to fun when they accompany their children.
Therefore , when the girl grows up, her father must step forward, take over the important task of education, and lead her daughter to an unknown journey with a man's perseverance and love of adventure.
The little geese grow into big geese day by day, and my father proposes to fly them south by plane, looking for a warm place to spend the winter.
Everyone felt that this suggestion was too risky and unrealistic, and even Amy thought that Dad was whimsical, but Amy, who trusted Dad, was willing to cooperate with Dad to try it.
So Amy and Dad, as well as Dad's friends, began to train the geese, trying to make them fly high with the plane, but they tried countless times, and the geese who only recognized Amy as their mother always followed Amy.
Amy sneaks into Dad's plane, but the unskilled Amy slips to the ground. Seeing that scene, Dad panicked. He was afraid that Amy was going to have troubles. He hugged Amy and couldn't help crying. At this moment, Amy and Dad got a little closer.
Inspired dad decides to build a plane for Amy and fly with Amy and the geese, Susan thinks the idea is crazy and stupid, but Amy thinks dad's idea is awesome, excited to say, I know you Won't let me down, great idea for sure.
With such a crazy father, it is not difficult to have a "Superman" daughter who flies over the mountains and rivers alone.
Amy's optimism and strength are like the parameters written in her father's genes, helping her to complete the challenges in her growth.
Dad and friends built a light plane for Amy and taught Amy to fly.
Susan, who felt crazy, was stunned when she saw Amy flying the plane and the wild geese flying with it. It really was a father and daughter, and they both had the spirit of daring and adventurous.
Girls are born to be timid and cautious, so fathers need to participate in the growth of their daughters. Men's adventurous and brave spirit will affect her daughter and make her bold.
Amy, who was driven by her father, finally took off the plane bravely and took her geese to fly south.
3. Have the courage to apologize
On the way to lead the geese flying south, Amy asked her father, "Why did you and mother separate?"
Dad said sincerely: "It's not exactly a mistake between me and Mom, we have you."
And open up and apologize to Amy: "It took me a long time to admit that it was a mistake to let you go, I kept myself busy. I was scared, I was scared to be angry, I was angry with myself, I am sorry Amy ."
Many fathers in China love face, and it is difficult to pull down their faces to apologize to their daughters.
But many times, daughters need an apology from their father, and even years later, they are waiting for an "I'm sorry" from their father.
"Raising a Girl" says: "Your apology will not disappoint your daughter, nor will she see you as weak. On the contrary, she will draw you closer to you because of the strength of your honesty and humility. Learned an invaluable lesson in life from you."
So Amy, who got her father's apology, eliminated the estrangement with her father. She understood that the separation of her parents was just inappropriate, and no one was right or wrong. She also understood that her father had been missing her all the time.
4. Learn to let go
As they approached their intended destination, Dad's plane malfunctioned and Dad fell and was injured and could no longer guide Amy.
Dad asked Amy to fly the plane and take the geese to the destination. Amy was afraid of hesitation.
Dad encouraged her: "You can, because you are like your mother, she is brave, she pursues her dreams alone, no one helps, and you have that kind of power."
Amy, who was trusted by her father, mustered up the courage to continue flying to the destination with the geese alone.
Letting go is my father's love for Amy. Because of his deep love, he is willing to let go and let her fly.
"Flying High With You" on the surface is to send the wild geese flying south, but it is actually a journey for father and daughter to regain intimacy.
The role of a father is different from that of a mother and cannot be replaced. Therefore, in the face of Amy who lost her mother, her father did not try to replace her mother, but used various wise methods to support her, help her, and let her learn to love and feel love in the role of "mother goose".
Meg Meeker in "Strong Dad Good Daughter": "Fathers are an impregnable wall between their daughters and this toxic world."
Therefore, fathers who are always absent from the growth of their daughters, hurry up and spend more time with their daughters. Your companionship is valid at all times until the age of 18
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