When they sent me to that host family, at that time, when I was 7 years old, I killed myself and they were accomplices.
Looking back now, maybe it was the first time they became parents, maybe I had already forgiven them, maybe I had already let go. But I can honestly say that they ruined my life, but I still love them deeply.
I still remember that in those years, the only thing I wanted was to grow up quickly, because I couldn't bear that kind of childhood, and many years later, I would be lonely because KFC sold out the children's meal; in those years, I would pick it up by myself The remote control board, swept the TV channels from one to the end, and had a poor mental life. I read the few books I had over and over again; in those years, every weekend, I often fantasized about my parents appearing in advance. If they pick me up at 7pm, I feel happier at noon and get more excited as time goes on: I fantasize about them showing up in the afternoon before noon, and in the afternoon I think they'll pick me up at night, and comforting even at night To myself, "I will definitely remember it next time." But they never showed up earlier, at the same time, at the same place, day after day, year after year. What they didn't know was that in my infatuated waiting when I was young, time had already exhausted my expectations. When I grew up, I ridiculed myself of my erotic fantasies. I was tired of waiting for someone, and I was tired of waiting for me. Waiting was too painful. Instead of hurting each other, it was better to leave. That being said, I'm still waiting, even as tears wet my eyes and sadness drowns my chest...
One day after school, I was sitting at the same table with my elementary school on the railing, and the girl said to me, "After you finish reciting this spell, make another wish, and someone will come and pick you up." Existing: She waved goodbye to me first, and I waited for them for six years
Later, I went to middle school and high school, and they still didn't have time. I have a female classmate who likes me, but I don't like her, so I choose to let her wait, and I gradually learned how not to be hurt, "If you want to not be rejected by others, you have to reject others first." Now, I I could have gone home alone, but I didn't want to go back. They abandoned me when I needed them most, and did their best to keep me by my side when I was already tired of them. Maybe I'm used to wandering, obsessed with the stars and the sea; maybe out of selfishness, I want them to experience what I once felt...
A few months ago, my relationship with my parents dropped to a freezing point. My mother cried and said to me, "I don't understand what you want." I bitterly scolded them for not understanding me from beginning to end my dreams and pursuits. She said: "I have had it too. At that time, I wanted to learn fashion design, but I gave up because of life..." I don't know how to answer, I just think they are not worthy of being my parents, and I am not worthy of being their son. I just feel naive, trapped in childhood forever,
At that moment, I completely forgave them, maybe one day, they will get tired of waiting for me to come back. So, while they are still patient with you, while you are still worth the wait, please say "I love you", even if that whisper sounds cowardly, but it is the most affectionate confession.
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