The girl in the story, for no reason, made me seem to see myself and empathize deeply. At this moment, I don't know if it's all the movies, or if I really am her.
This cartoon should not say that it can draw any lessons or clear insights, but rather arouse memories and look back on the past. Whether it was a fifth-grade boy or an eventual youth, they all left their footprints on her. When I grow up, looking back, the biggest influence on my character shaping was probably when I was in elementary school. I don't act like a spoiled child, I don't show weakness, I don't feel safe, I don't dare to tell my sincerity, I love to laugh, I'm not afraid, I don't care about anything... Now my temperament is all because of one little thing in elementary school. accumulation.
She said she loved country life. This obsession deeply captured her life.
my primary school
I don't know why, but my memory is always very good. I will remember a lot of previous stories. Maybe I have paid more attention to other things than others.
The resemblance of Taeko's uncanny father, mother and sister suddenly blurred me. I was always reluctant to tell my mother unreservedly about the stories that happened in school. When I was in the senior year, I became more selective in telling irrelevant things. I gradually forgot what caused this kind of temperament. That's how I am now.
I still remember when I was the youngest at the beginning, and I don’t really remember whether it was first or second grade. A boy took my bench. I went home and told my mother, and the next scene was my sister and my mother under the teaching building. I get justice. The three of us, in the shade of the teaching building, I repaid the senior boy severely, and now I don't even remember what he looked like or why. All I know is that my mother and sister have personally vented their anger for me. So, I'm probably much luckier than Taeko. I didn't bully my sister, and I didn't have a mother who didn't understand me. They knew how to share and be kind to the youngest daughter. But I still grew into the same awkward character as Taeko. Now that I think about it, maybe it's because I don't feel safe enough. He only knows how to disguise himself with pride, but he can't show his face. You don't always dare to fight for what you want.
Just like Taeko. Acting like a spoiled child, he made the pineapple that his father spent money to eat, no matter how unpalatable it was. He was reluctant to admit his willful fault, but he turned his face and said "it's delicious" when he wanted to cry; The father who came out to eat onions didn't appreciate it. In the end, he was unwilling to waste the food when he was about to throw it away, but his family didn't understand it. The old parents who didn't want to pick up his sister took it for granted, so she couldn't feel pampered. In fact, the most depressing thing for me is that when I went out to eat food with my family, I dawdled because I didn't think there was a suitable outfit, because she thought she was the center of the flash and everyone was paying attention to herself, so No bad is allowed. However, the parents dressed themselves up to go out, no one stopped to ask themselves, what to wear and how to go out? No one cared about me, at that moment, I just felt so lonely. Why don't they stop, dress me up, hold my hand or hold me, and lead me out the door? And she can only be alone. No one seemed to care whether she went or not. And when she voluntarily said the words that she couldn't say, no one even gave a few more words of advice. Why can't you console me and give me a step down? Just down.
I just want you to pay more attention to me and ask me why I am doing this.
Just like I have actively avoided skirts every summer for so many years. And my mother never once asked me why. Every time this time, I think, am I the real mother's favorite daughter? Why don't you care about me. actually. I also know that I am too sensitive, and this is not good. But I am really sad. (sniffs nose)
Maybe I'm a little bit lucky, that's because my grades in elementary school weren't as bad as Taeko's.
Taeko's ignorant fluttering mood may be the first love she hadn't even realized.
When Taeko was in the fifth grade, she was stoked by the girls from two classes and fired a wave of green scandals. She began to pay more attention to this boy, but she also cared more about the eyes of others and avoided this boy more and more. On the one hand, he wanted to pretend he didn't know anything, and on the other hand, he couldn't help but secretly looked at this person. She was forced to find and pay attention to this boy, maybe at a certain moment, because she spent more time with him, she unconsciously wanted to get the same response, so the so-called "like" feelings gradually breed out. At a certain intersection on the way home from school, Taeko met the boy and finally started the first positive greeting.
"Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?"
"cloudy day."
"me too!"
The two children were as happy as they had discovered a new world. Their common interests seemed to shorten the distance between them in an instant, and this cloudy day seemed to have become a little secret shared by the two of them. I don't know if that counts as a liking, but it's still heartwarming. This made me suddenly realize that maybe I have had that moment, it should be sweet, but I can't remember it for a long time.
When I was in the second grade, I vaguely seemed to have received a joke from a girl: "XX likes you! Look! He is looking at you!" So, the emotion about love was bluntly loaded into my head, out of thin air Generated, and I was passively exposed to this emotion prematurely. At that time, I only remember running into the women's toilet in fright, and a group of girls chased after me. Why am I hiding? Because of that unfamiliar emotion, I didn't know how to deal with it. I was subconsciously afraid of the eyes of others, so I could only hide. The clip of the next scene seems to be in art class. The boy suddenly gave me a folded small note, the content of which was probably a confession or something. He seemed to take it back to change it later. It seems that he finally took it down and smuggled it home. But I remember that I lied to him that I didn't see this note, and went home in a panic, pretending not to know about it. Perhaps this unfamiliar passive emotion is too strange. I seem to be looking carefully at every corner of the note, for fear of missing any content. I seem to remember that I held the piece of paper and locked the door for fear of being seen. Later, I wrote a response on the piece of paper, but I didn't have to give it to him. What was the response? I do not know either. "I like you too?" I don't know. Maybe "I don't like you." What is the child's like? As I am now, I don't know what liking is, and I only believe in the idea of self-determination and idealism. Where did that note go? I clearly remember the thought that popped into my head at that time was "the most dangerous place is the safest place". So I just put it on the table stupidly. It also caused me to get up the next day and was caught by my cousin. He was sitting at the table, holding the piece of paper, shining my eyes brightly. It was indeed a coincidence that I denied it at the moment, and I don't know if it was denial of being liked or something. In the days to come, not surprisingly, my attention and memory of this boy will be much deeper than others, although I can no longer remember my own heart. And, just like Taeko, after the sunset, together with this boy, the story ended without a hitch.
In fact, on the one hand, I hate this boy a little bit. He made me wake up prematurely to the feelings that men and women like. Although I am at this age, I have never really realized this love or heart, but if there is no his so-called confession, I would It will not be so small, and will understand that you like this thing. Before this, it is a hazy yarn, and after this, it is a naked understanding. That said, it's not on the surface that I now understand what liking is. After all, I still dare to say seriously that I have never liked anyone. But on the other hand , I am probably still grateful to him for letting my little vanity or self-esteem be recognized. In the vast crowd, there will be such a person who actually likes himself at that time. I was filled with a lot of recognition. Probably the same feeling as Taeko.
Taeko's deskmate for one semester was a dirty and bad boy. In my elementary school, I had been at the same table with such boys for several years. Miaozi clearly hated him, but he had to show acceptance. It's like I clearly didn't want to be at the same table with such a person, but I had to persist for several years until he finally dropped out of school. When I received the news that he had dropped out of school, I was really overjoyed at that time.
Because he became the monitor from the first grade, and his grades were good. At that time, the homeroom teacher believed in the creed that good students lead poor students, and good students should understand the principle of humility. So the collocation of the same table is the first place and the last place. I became the well-deserved number one for a few years. Every new semester, I look forward to changing seats and escape such a misfortune, but I also recognize this reality countless times. Every year, my deskmate is him. He always smells strange on his body and clothes. The family is very poor and divorced. When he was very young, his mother left him and went away. It seems that his grandmother took him with him. He was often late, occasionally missed school for a few days, and didn't know what he was doing, but he didn't fight or hang out, and he didn't understand what he was doing. But he is dirty. I don't know why, but I clearly despised this person, and I expected to not be his tablemate countless times, but I never once told the teacher to change the table. Then I seem to think like this every time, "I should be a good example, let him not go astray, let him study hard." Yes, he should be very smart. Therefore, I can't apply to change the table, it will hurt his self-confidence, and I can't show disgust, it will hurt him. In fact, at that time, I really hated my head teacher, why did I suffer like this. So I started expecting this boy to be a little longer late, don't come to school, leave me alone. I don't want his bag to touch mine, I don't want to touch him. She is obviously a delicate girl, but she wants to be righteous. Later, the third and fourth grades started, and there should be a semester. He didn't come on the first day of signing up for the assigned seat, and the boy who liked me sat down. At that moment, do you know how happy I was in my heart? I thought I could finally escape my doom. That boy was like the Holy Light, pulling me into the quagmire and saving me from fire and water. On that day, I can't remember the specific details, but I know that it was a time when I hadn't been happy for a long time. Have fun when you are in get out of class, and be happy when you are out of class. However, our head teacher didn't let me feel better, and the next day, he let the boy return to his original position. My heart fell to the bottom again.
I'm still sad in the end. Although understandable, but also feel depressed. Just like this moment. I can't forgive the teacher, and I can't forgive myself.
Many things in my childhood have become obstacles that I cannot overcome in my life. Can't let go.
Sorrow with joy. In my childhood, there are still many things, about friendship, but also about teachers
grow up
Taeko grew up, and "going to the countryside" became a hurdle that she could never get rid of in her life, so she kept going there to make up for her unwillingness in her childhood.
She said she liked the country more than the city. But at the moment of returning to the countryside, he hesitated. Just like I didn't get it after that. That may be hesitating whether he really loves in his heart, or maybe he is afraid of the eyes of others. Who knows.
However, no matter how much she resembled me in childhood, she will never be me now.
I don't know what this story is trying to tell me. Maybe just a memory. The choices I should make may also become invisible, who knows.
Life is so wonderful and interesting. Who said it wasn't?
I should probably go to bed. Some thoughts about life are erratic. In this life, do you have to accompany you, or what kind of people do you need to accompany you forward. My purpose doesn't seem so absolute anymore.
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