Themes: loneliness, fear, confusion. This is true of writers who have become famous, and it is also true of writers who have become journalists without becoming famous. During the travel interview, the delicate relationship between the two continued to change until they finally understood each other. What fascinated me was that after David committed suicide at the end, Juan Xi read in the tribute: "If I could, I would like to tell David about the time he spent with him, reminding me of what real life should be like. Instead of Find relief from life. Recognizing this makes me feel less alone.” So, what life is like? My understanding is: life is not so imaginative, rather than being jealous of other people’s success, recognizing your own ordinary, to continue living. However, people cannot be changed. Even though David understood this, he chose to commit suicide. I find it painful to "admit to being mediocre." After all, I don't want to be as ordinary as most people. Once, I also felt that I was amazing. I was different from others and ignored others, but people are relative. If I ignore others, others will ignore me. The rest is loneliness. (pulls away) So, what exactly is life? The lines are for reference (it is said that this subtitle translation is a bit sloppy, and the English is not profound enough to read): ＊I do not have a tv. Because if I had a tv, I would watch it all the time. I don't even know if I would watch it all the time, but it would be on all the time. I don't have a TV. Because if I had a TV, I would watch it all the time. I don't even know if I'll watch it all the time. But it will always be open. ＊When I want to be alone, like, to write, I really do want to be alone. I think if you dedicate yourself to anything. One facet of that is that if makes you very, very self-conscious. And you end up using people, wanting them around when you want them around, and then sending them away. There's good self-consciousness. Then there's also a toxic, paralyzing, "raped by psychic bedouins" kind of self-consciousness. When I want to write alone , I do want to be alone. I think if you dedicate yourself to something, it makes you very self-aware. Then you get to take advantage of people, find them when you need them, and drive them away afterward. There is a kind of good self-awareness. The other is toxic and hurts the self-consciousness of others. *At that point, my ego was all tied up in my writing. It's the only thing that i'd gotten any, like, food pellets from the universe for. And i felt very trapped."oh,my five years are up and i gotta move on""i don't want to move on".And i felt stuck.And it's not like i felt stuck because i drank.It was like I felt my life was over at 28.and i felt really bad. i did not want to feel that, so i did all sorts of stuff. At that time, my conceit was revealed in my article, which was the only place I was not satisfied with myself. And I feel so helpless. "The 5-year contract is coming, and I have to write a new book." I don't want to continue. I feel trapped. And it's not that I feel trapped because of my drinking. Rather, I feel like my life is going to end at 28. I'm sorry. I didn't want to feel that way, so I did all kinds of things. ＊I think that if there's a sort of sadness for people under 45, it has something to do with pleasure and achievement and entertainment like a sort of emptiness at the heart of what they thought was going on, and maybe i can hope that some parts of the book...speak to their nerve endings a little bit.if you quote any of this,by the way,you'd do me a great favor by saying...this is what i hope for the book... .If everybody had hated it, i wouldn't have been thrilled.i don't think i would have been devastated either.when you're used to doing,heavy-duty literary stuff that doesn't sell well,being human animals with egos, you accommodate that fact by the following equation. if something sells really well, get a lot of attention, it's gotta be shit, right? the ultimate irony is, if your thing starts selling well, gets a lot of attention, the very mechanism you used to shore yourself up...when your thing didn't sell well, doesn't work anymore. it's now part of the darkness, nexus when it does, so you're totally screwed. you know, you can't win. I think if under 45 When people live miserably, it must be about enjoyment, achievement, and entertainment. Their lives are empty, and I hope my book can bring them some solace. If you're going to quote me, I want you to tell people that's what I expect from this book. If people don't like this work, I won't be very happy, but I won't be too sad. When you're used to the obscurity of your own literature, as a self-respecting human race, we console ourselves by following a rule. If a piece of literature sells, it's because the literature is great, isn't it? The irony is that if your work sells and you're in the spotlight, the rules you believed in when your work didn't work out don't apply anymore. So if your next work isn't successful enough, you're done. You can't win this game. ＊i don't think writers are smarter than other people, i think they may be more compelling in their stupidity, or in their confusion. but i think one of the real ways i have gotten smarter is i don't think i'm that much smarter than other people.there are ways in which other people are a lot smarter than me.and i gotta tell you,it makes me feel kinda lonely.I just think that to look across the room and to automatically assume that somebody is less aware or that their interior life is somehow less rich and complicated and acutely perceived as mine,makes me not as good a writer.because it means i'm gonna be performing for some faceless audience instead of trying to have a conversation with a person. I don't think writers are smarter than others, I think writers are probably dumber and more confused. If I'm smart, it's also because I don't think I'm smarter than everyone else. In many ways, other people are smarter than me. I have to tell you, it makes me feel alone...I just think other people are normal people, or their spiritual life, shallower than mine, more bland than mine, it just means I'm not one good writer. Because if I was like that, I'm just acting for myself. Instead of actually exchanging ideas with others. ＊i got a real,serious fear of being a certain way,and a set,i think, of real,convictions about why i'm continuing to do this.why it's worthwhile,why it's not just an exercise in getting my dick sucked belief. Conversation should be of value, not just for having sex with someone. ＊i've sort of unplugged myself the past three weeks. meeting a whole lot of new people and having to do stuff. you're in this constant low-level state of anxiety, this deep existential fear, you feel all the way down in your butt hole.the worst?that i really get to like it.that's the worst.the attention?yeah. I've been a little out of touch for the past 3 weeks, meeting so many strangers and having a bunch of interviews to do, I've been feeling a little anxious, a real sense of dread, all over my body. Worst? Worst case scenario is that I'm in love with this feeling and that's the worst. other people's attention? yes. ＊grotesque than somebody going around saying, "i'm a writer,i'm a writer,i'm a writer."I don't mind appearing in rolling stone.i don't want to appear in rolling stone, I don't mind being in Rolling Stone, I just don't want people to think I want to be in Rolling Stone. If you see me on an entertainment show in a few years, I swear. My writing is about the power of images, and the path to mediocrity to be drawn to something splendid couldn't be easier. The culture of today's society is like that. What if I become like that too? I went back to my original life by myself, and there are about 20 people in my circle of friends. I'm taking myself out of these distractions as if they injected me with hailuoyin. I need to have the courage to go through this all by myself. I have to remind myself what reality is I'm 34 years old and single. I am alone at home, with a piece of paper with me. ＊it wasn't a chemical imbalance, and it wasn't drugs and alcohol, i think it was much more that i had lived an incredibly american life, this idea that if i could just achieve x and y and z, that everything would be okay, there's a thing in the book about how when somebody leaps from a burning skyscraper, it's not that they're afraid of falling anymore, it's that the alternative is so awful. and so then you're invited to consider what could be awful that leaping to your death would seem like an ecape from it.i don't know if you have any experience with this kind of thing,but it' My problem at the time was not a chemical hormone imbalance, nor dupin and alcohol. I didn't think the problem was that simple. I have been living well, and I can say that I have achieved the American dream. I felt that as long as I had this and that, life would be will become beautiful. In my book I talk about when a person jumps from a burning building, not because he is not afraid, but because it is more terrible if he does not jump. So you will feel that jumping off the building is actually a relief compared to the current situation. I don't know if you've had this experience too, but it's scarier than any physical illness. This might have been called a "mental crisis" in the past and it feels as if all the principles you've held in your life are wrong, when the truth is that everything is nothing. You are also nothingness. Everything is just our illusion. I feel like I'm better than everyone because only I know that everything is an illusion, but at the same time I'm miserable because I don't know how to go on with my life. It was a very painful experience. I don't think people change. That experience is part of me. I'm just trying not to let them dominate my life. ＊when i think of this trip, i see David and me in the front seat of his car, we are both so young, he wants something better than he has, and i want precisely what he has already.neither of us knows where our lives are going to go. it smells like chewing tobacco, soda and smoke, and the conversation is the best one i ever had. David thought books existed to stop you from feeling lonely, if i could, i' d say to David that living those days with him reminded me of what life is like, instead of being a relief from it.and i'd tell him it made me feel much less alone. As I recalled the journey, I saw I drink David in the front seat of the car, we are both so young he wants something better. I wanted what he already had, we were both so lost in life, it smelled like tobacco, soda, and smoke, and talking to him was the best thing I've ever had in my life. David thinks books are there to help people feel less alone, and if I could, I'd like to tell David about the time he spent with him and remind me of what real life should be like. rather than seeking relief from life. Recognizing this makes me feel less alone.
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