"A Rainy Day in New York" is Woody Allen's consistent style, with rain, walks and passionate kisses. In his series of works, the rain falls from Cairo to Barcelona, and then travels across the ocean from Paris. When Hai returned to New York, what did not change was the film essence of "talkative love sketches". The whole is summed up as catching rape, cheating, prostitutes, the secret past of the male protagonist's mother, fear of marriage, family conflicts, the collapse of class boundaries and other elements, and then mixed into a two-day and one-night two-line "adventure".
After reading it, I haven't had time to calm down and write this, but I would like to discuss how to reshape the concept of "love" in adulthood. In addition, the adulthood discussed in this article is not limited to 18 years old in the legal sense, but refers to the stage of life that matures and recognizes the nature of human relationships in a broad sense.
I have always insisted on my own ideas, and I personally always believed that the concept of love is very narrow. Love does not have a simulated existence. It is more like a potential virus that resides on some individuals. Two individuals with similar magnetic fields let each other's viruses reside on each other. Whether there is love or not does not depend on whether it exists or not. , and what is more concerning is that love exists only in those who have certain qualities, and they undergo a viral exchange.
Taking Gatsby and Ashley in the movie as an example, the loss and sobriety of the two sides do not discuss the growth background and life direction. In terms of personality traits alone, it is difficult for the restless ambition and indifferent romance to produce a relatively consistent life direction. The only thing that can survive is a short-lived passion.
People must know themselves first. Recognize your own complexity. Both men and women should realize that each other's thinking is complex and three-dimensional. Unfortunately, most people only admit their own complexity, not the other's complexity.
According to my observation, many men are very willing to show an external spirit, but they are not interested in going deep into the spiritual world of women. It is because the era of external heroism has passed, and now most women demand It is precisely because men can respect the spiritual world of women. Speaking of which, I really like the book "A Room That Only Belongs to Oneself" that I recently read. The author grew up in an environment where women need to be accompanied by men when entering the library. Being able to get happiness and spiritual relief from flowers and trees after being rejected, I do not have this kind of relief and generosity.
Speaking of the shaping of ideas, this has something to do with the chaotic social and spiritual world. The intricate public opinion and information have brought everyone a lot of convenience, but also brought only a lot of vision and spiritual obstacles. We are okay now, everyone can still go on for the house and survival, and then go further down. After everyone becomes more and more independent, the foundation of the mutual link between marriage will become weaker and weaker, so we must find a new link point, At this point, we need to reach some invariable agreement on the direction and frequency of progress in life. I think this is a reshuffling of the concept of "love" in this era.
Discussing this is inescapable of discussing the relationship between the sexes.
I have expressed emotion on social platforms before that in relationships, men and women hold completely two sets of scripts. Women, especially the more educated women, will pay more attention to the growth and transmission of love and the relationship between partners in their relationships. Whether there is true intimacy, emphasis on communication, will also emphasize the sense of responsibility to each other, and the cognition, management and investment of both parties in this relationship. And men, especially straight men in the so-called new concept of society, often really care about needs, desires, interests, winning or losing when they are faced with relationships, including some men who ostensibly identify with feminism. I think it is very sad for people who think this kind of thinking is the main body of thinking. They are more likely to fall into the "mid-life crisis" in the concept of the times, because in this mode of thinking, it is difficult to understand and enjoy the real intimacy. Happiness, if you don't put aside calculations, considerations and concerns, and want to get equal love, it is a fool's dream.
Women should have reasonable expectations of men. They can be friends, partners, sex partners, even teammates and husbands, but it is difficult to be the lover we ideally expect. In fact, many East Asian men are still the men in the Water Margin in their bones. As mentioned above, there is a certain superficial heroism. From one dimension, they are considered good men. They are dutiful to their parents, responsible for their work, and loyal to their friends, but they still identify with brothers as brothers and sisters. Women are like clothes, and the objectification and sexualization of women go deep into the bone marrow. This explains my confusion with some men. When I get along with some men, I feel like they respect me at one moment, and completely disrespectful at the next. Later, I gradually realized that when they treat me as a friend, they respect me, because at the moment I am de-gendered in their value system, about the same as a female brother. The qualities of the human individual are greater than my femininity. And at other times, when they see me as a woman, or discuss some socially female-specific concept of behavior—such as "make", I'm back to being a sexualized, objectified woman , is an object that can be treated with contempt. At this time, in their evaluation system, gender traits overshadowed personality traits.
We can clearly see that the relationship between one person and another is indeed a collision of two world views, a stumbled translation of two languages, each struggling to find a corresponding concept in each other's dictionaries, some They can barely match, and some are completely unsuccessful, because there is no such a concept in the other party's dictionary at all. It's a sad and unbridgeable gulf for a long time, we all can't get out of our own gender limitations and thinking limitations, it's something we are born with, it's set from birth, it's our insurmountable selves . But this does not prevent the occurrence and existence of love. Any emotional fetters are based on long-term management and the establishment of trust at critical moments. This is the foundation of our intimate relationship. Any feelings that are not based on this are self-deception.
So what is the direction of the shaping of the concept of "love" in adulthood? I think it should be a sober self-awareness, a complementary energy exchange, and a happy spiritual experience for each other, but we should be more clear and not follow the law of development of things The long-term relationship is also the source of each other's pain, and it is also worthy of praise when the decision is made after a calm judgment.
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