You kill people, intentionally or instigated, teens or 30s. There is no so-called hope in your life anymore, because you are not given hope. Even, you shouldn't have survived in the first place.
You go to jail, you get parole, you change your name, you make new friends, you save people, you fall in love, you get jealous, you get exposed, you get mobbed, you get dumped, you kill yourself. You thought you were out, but you actually walked around the cage.
That's it, the stains on your body can never be erased by you. Especially what you tarnish is your own reputation. You were a good person, then an evil person, and then you can't go back.
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