Whether we are male or female, genius or stupid, we are born as human beings, the first need is the original maternal love.
--Inscription
In the past, when I watched movies and saw tensions, I often couldn't tolerate the tension conveyed by the movie, so I quickly moved forward to the result. No matter whether the result was good or bad, the moment I knew it, I was relieved. However, when I watched this film, I found it difficult to fast forward, partly because the girl’s eyelashes were too long and beautiful, and partly because I wanted to know the whole story. Why do I want to know all that passed? The reason is that I am stuck in another question: when adults are in conflict, where are the children’s needs?
This is a movie with a very simple plot. It revolves around the custody rights of a seven-year-old girl, Mary. It is her grandmother Evelyn and her uncle Frank who vie for custody rights, and Mary is an early showing that she is unusual. The genius of mathematics is the "one in ten million" in her grandmother's words.
Mary is a poor child, but she is so beautiful, precocious and innocent. Her mother committed suicide when she was a baby in her womb; and her father, apart from giving her life, never wanted to take a look at her, even though he and his daughter lived in the same city. When the seven-year-old Mary learned the truth, she hid behind the door and cried bitterly. She said, if I were the father of a little girl and I lived in the same city with her, I would at least want to see what she looked like. For Mary, both the suicide of her mother and the abandonment of her father planted a seed of abandonment in her young heart.
Mary is early, smart enough to see that the reason Evelyn wants to raise her is only because she has shown the same great academic potential as her mother. The millennial problem that her mother failed to prove may be proved by her. . In other words, Mary is not a child in Evelyn's eyes, not her granddaughter, but a tool that can be used to achieve her academic achievements. Just like many parents (grandparents) in China, children are often not regarded as individuals with independent psychology, they are considered to have no independent right to choose, and are used to realize the unfulfilled ideals and wishes of the previous generation. Evelyn treated her daughter, Mary's mother, Diane. After she discovered that Mary also had the same talent as Diane, she worked hard to take Mary as her own in order to realize the ideal she had never realized in Diane. .
For Frank, in the past six and a half years, he has tried his best to be a father, mother and uncle. Regardless of heredity, he cultivated Mary into a lovely, caring, upright and independent little girl. Despite this, he still continues to doubt his ability as a parent. In court, Evelyn's lawyer aggressively pointed out that he was jealous of his sister, Mary's mother. This is a distortion of the facts. Frank certainly has some thoughts and feelings about his sister: On the one hand, he may feel pressured and disappointed in himself because of his difficulty in surpassing his sister; on the other hand, he may be burdened by his sister. I feel guilty for part of the expectation from my mother. The former may make him lose confidence in the fight for custody, while the latter may partly make him accept Mary from the beginning. He loses confidence because there may often be a voice inside him, that is, "You can never do well enough". Of course, this voice may have also rang in his sister's ears. After all, they have the same harsh, difficult Please the mother.
Therefore, in this custody competition station, one party is lost in doubts about his own ability, one party is caught in the pursuit of self-realization, and ignores what Mary needs most, even though she has already stated several times. Mind. Adults always seem to think they know what is best for children, but they don't realize that when they fall into self-doubt and pursuit of ideals, they just choose to ignore the children's needs.
Although Mary, without her parents, seemed carefree and sunny, the scene between her and Frank showed us her inner sense of insecurity and abandonment. Frank’s departure made her have to re-experience the pain of abandoning mother and father. Perhaps in her heart, she felt that because I was not good enough, my loved ones would abandon me; and those who wanted me were directed at My IQ, rather than treating me as an independent person. Therefore, when she was asked why she wanted to follow Frank, she replied, because he accepted me when I hadn't been smart yet.
For young children, what needs to be recognized most is the value of her existence as an individual. Children need to know that it is worthwhile for her to come into this world, and that someone loves her and accepts her unconditionally. In this film, Evelyn obviously cannot give Mary such love and acceptance. Frank did a better job than Evelyn, at least he did what Mary said, "He accepts me when I haven't been smart yet." Frank's dilemma is that he almost went to the other extreme, abandoning Mary's talent, and just wanted her to be an ordinary person. Maybe Frank witnessed his mother's strict requirements and expectations for his sister since he was a child (he may have received the same treatment), but found that his sister was fighting against his mother until his death, fighting for the control of his own life, which made him realize his talent. Doubts arose: if playing talent means death, then Mary had better give up talent. From this perspective, Frank and Evelyn are fighting for custody rights, symbolizing the two conflicting voices in the dead Diane's heart: to be an ordinary person, or to be one of ten million.
The ending of the film gave a perfect solution to this conflict: Mary returned to Frank’s embrace and went to a school where she could better use her talents, while she returned to play games with children of the same age after school. In other words, Mary no longer has to experience the pain of being abandoned, she can use her talents and enjoy her childhood. If Mary's mother Diane had enough inner strength, or had a parent like Frank, she might not have to resort to such a fierce way as suicide to fight.
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