"The year I was with you, I sometimes felt down, but I never felt lonely, and I never felt alone when I was with you." - Marianne
"To be honest, that year was the perfect year of my life" --- Cornell
Section 1 Why are you lonely?
Before the above-quoted conversation, Marianne also said that for her, loneliness is the norm.
She grew up in a family of domestic violence, her brother replaced her deceased father, bullied and demeaned her in words, attitudes and sometimes even physically, while her mother also bullied and humiliated her in words and attitudes, silently conniving and supporting her brother, what they said Those words that belittle her and humiliate her, the disgust and demeaning attitude shown towards her, make her feel ugly, bad, no one will love her, and she will be abandoned at any time. From her relationship in Sweden, the familiar pattern of her inner circle is being dominated, being punished and being bound, being ordered to do things that hurt herself, and being around people who hurt and hate her, which is In the family she grew up in, interacting with her family, the pattern repeated.
Many people with this background are probably lonely, but when they grow up, they become popular girls in college, scholarship winners whose talents are recognized, and a group of friends, so, why, after that, it will still be the same Falling into loneliness?
Because although many people love her, she has been instilled over and over again since she was a child. She believes that no one will love her. With such a belief, she does not believe that other people will truly appreciate her, want to help her, and care about her. she, and therefore the choice she will make is to distance herself from other people; for while there are many men who like her, the choice she will make is to associate with people who do not respect her, who do not like her, and who she does not like; because When she is injured, the choice she will make is not to tell others, to hide, and to bear the pain alone. Naturally, she will lose the opportunity to be helped and comforted by others and to connect with others, probably because she does not believe that others will stand On her side, like never, her mother wasn't on her side in the quarrel.
And Cornell, who is long in warmth and considerate care, why is he lonely? What I saw in the play may be because he was around rich classmates and was limited by financial conditions, but he chose not to reveal his embarrassment to others, so he could not receive understanding and help; because he was good at interpersonal Communication, but it seems that you just let yourself integrate into each social circle. If you don’t choose to express your opinions and ideas, you can’t really choose a social circle that suits you.
So you see, in fact, loneliness may come from every tiny choice we make. The actions we choose to make or even the words we choose to say determine whether we can connect with people or maintain unchanging loneliness. The next time you choose what to do, maybe you can think about whether to push yourself farther from the crowd, or have the opportunity to let people who care about and appreciate you enter your life.
Section 2 How can you not be alone?
What I like about this drama to a large extent is that the director has been everywhere in this story, lovingly telling us, each of us who have fallen into loneliness for various reasons, how not to be lonely.
First, you have to send a signal to the person of interest. For example, in high school, Marianne told Cornell that she liked him, and then Cornell tentatively asked if it was a friend's like or not? Instead of being so direct, it was Marianne who asked Cornell if she wanted to kiss. Well, this seems to be more straightforward > <. But the principle is correct. First of all, you need to send a signal to the interested person, to convey to the other party that I want to know you, I am interested in you, etc., usually in language, eyes, or behavior. Let the other person know that you are interested in him, and then his choice will also determine whether you may have a relationship in the future. For ordinary people, if the signal is sent a few more times, the probability of establishment will also increase. It requires trial and error and allows the other party to refuse to change.
Then, try to see if the body fits (crossed out). This is more suitable for foreigners. EMMM, skip this step.
After that, in various times of getting along, gradually tell each other some of your feelings and some things. For example, Marianne told Cornell that her brother said no one would love her; for example, Cornell told Marianne that he wanted to live with Marianne's house that summer because he had no money, but he couldn't say it; for example, Marianne told Cornell after hearing this. Neil she would have thought he was hinting at breaking up with him. Also, when we are intimate, I like this way, I don't like that, and if I can't accept it, I just say I can't accept it. This step is important because during these temptations, you can learn whether the other person is trying to understand you, accepting you, valuing your feelings, and respecting and cooperating with you, rather than just thinking Dominates you and wants you to do as he says. If this is the case, you can also stop the loss in time and leave as soon as possible, and change people. Also, your thoughts and the other person's thoughts may be very different, and if you don't speak up about your feelings, it may cause a misunderstanding like Marianne and Cornell did, leading to a breakup. Besides, this is also the main step in getting close to people, and gradually revealing more private things will make you more and more close.
Later, in times of pain and vulnerability, reach out to the person you want to connect with. For example, when Cornell was depressed, it was Marianne's all-night video call to help him through the painful moments of sleepless nights. For example, when Marianne was raped, it was Cornell who received the phone call and helped her heal her wound, telling her that he loved him and made a commitment, which became a turning point in their relationship. It can also be seen that this step requires courage, but it is also very important. If the other person is a trustworthy person, then contacting him will push the relationship to a new high, if not, then you can probably see that the other person is not the person you should be contacting at those moments, and you can cut off the connection.
So in fact, the answer to getting out of loneliness given in the play is a truly intimate relationship. In that kind of relationship, you can frankly talk to each other about your thoughts and preferences, reveal your vulnerable and painful moments to each other, support, comfort and help each other. It is the existence of the other party that makes the male and female protagonists say the words at the beginning of this article, which makes them get out of loneliness. And the director has told us how to establish and have that kind of relationship through the bit by bit of the male and female protagonists getting along. In fact, in the reality that has lost its idealized light, it is not easy for people who are lonely to have the courage to reveal oneself like this, to have the courage to meet people who are interested in them, but it is to get out of loneliness, very important steps.
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