"Let's talk about my world.
My world is you. I love you.
I want to live with you.
I want to have a baby with you.
I want to have a house with you.
A car with you.
A dog with you .
You know?"
Joanna loves Jacques and Jacques loves the sea. And I seem to have no love.
One day, I was in a bad mood. A friend suddenly asked me: Do you have something you truly love?
After watching the movie, I suddenly felt a strong jealousy. I was jealous that Jacques loved the sea so much, even though the sea took away his father and his last friend, he also left the person who loved him dearly without hesitation. I jumped into that piece of Big Blue.
I told my friends that I really don't seem to have anything to love.
Jacques was born to belong to the sea. I watched the movie, that Jacques in the sea, such a harmony that cannot be expressed in words. Pure, unbelievably beautiful.
I have always been a person who will be good at manipulating desire, and will never allow myself to have a time when I can't extricate myself. In order to prevent suffering and become indifferent, habitually indifferent to many things. I can also achieve a certain obsession with multiple cues, and I can also downplay an obsession with more cues.
I thought it should be a good thing to have such a strong self-control, but you can never fall in love with anything anymore.
This loss of the ability to love deeply also means that I can only be a stranger in my life forever. I never belonged to anything, parents, relatives, partners, friends and more, dreams, futures, pursuits, love and more.
I am jealous of Jacques because he belongs to the sea and will always belong to the sea.
There is a voice in Jacques's life, urging him to go to the sea, like the painter in "The Moon and Sixpence". They need to respond to their inner voice.
And I can't hear anything like I'm deaf.
Big Blue is Big Love.
I always say "I love you" when in reality, I've never loved anything.
Friends say, maybe you haven't met the right person yet, do something right.
I said, I don't think it is, it may be a love defect.
I'm twenty-one years old, and I'm not a childish person, nor am I hypocritical. But I really never knew what love was.
—until I saw Jacques and the sea.
I understand more that I have lost the instinct to love.
"It's okay, I don't know how to love, and I can live a good life!" I said to my friend when I was full of energy.
The Sicilian sun is shining and waiting for me.
The movie is very long, two hours and forty-five minutes. I reminisced for three days in total.
Written in the dormitory on April 2, 2014.
View more about The Big Blue reviews
