During the book club in November, we all watched a movie together.
It was originally scheduled to show "Find You", but I didn't plan to come. I was afraid that it would be too sad, but I ended up at the scene. For some reason, it was replaced by "Tully", which was even more sad... It is not an exaggeration to say that it is an anti-marriage and anti-child propaganda film. .
However, after watching the movie carefully, it is still quite enlightening.
Marriage or not, in the final analysis, is a choice, no choice is absolutely good or absolutely bad. I think that the sign of my maturity is to understand: any choice has its own price.
The guests shared a few questions, and I also wrote my own insights here.
1. What is the most touching part of the movie for you? Or which episode moved you the most?
The film "Tully" seems to have a hopeful ending, in contrast to the previous numbness, hopelessness, survival from desperation and falling from a height, but in fact, this is also beautified by the film.
I think in life, you either resist from the very beginning, or you fail to resist until the end, or you just get used to this state and think it's normal.
However, even if it can't be changed, it's important to know that "I can still live this way." It reminds us that we always have choices.
2. The director of the film said: "There is no so-called balance between work and family, only sacrifice." How do you view the relationship between work and family?
I often see people who are asked this question complaining, why are they always only asked about women and not men? It does.
We can often see men who work abroad, leave their wives and children in their hometown, and feel accustomed to them. As long as he does not cheat and sends money to his home, he is a peerless man. And the role change, but it sounds very scary. "What? Aren't you afraid of your husband cheating?"
As an adult, it is not easy to balance work and family. How to do it, the key is to regard yourself as the protagonist of the family and take the initiative to make efforts.
Many people will say, if you call me for help, I will help. help? This is called not treating yourself as the protagonist.
When I lived with my parents before, I thought housework was cooking, mopping the floor, and doing laundry? Just do these three things every day. Now that I live alone, I realize that the housework is far more than that. In addition to the old three, there are also items procurement, sorting, and maintenance, and you have to do everything yourself.
Someone else said, then you can ask auntie, can't the problem be solved even if you have money?
Well, please 3 aunties, so you don't have to do anything? You must know that commanding is also a job, and it is very brain-intensive. Otherwise, what is the general manager of the company doing? The general manager has so many employees, doesn't he have to work?
Therefore, if a person does not regard himself as the protagonist of the family, then he has no life in his eyes, and those who do not live will not be able to do any work.
3. How do you divide and cooperate in the family?
This question has just been answered. . .
4. When you choose a "teammate", how do you judge that he is not a "pig teammate"?
Let's just say, I don't think I can judge. However, this does not mean that no judgment is required.
In the past, I didn't really care about the other party's family conditions and thought it was not important, but it has been proven that family conditions are quite important.
Similar to this kind of hard conditions, it is better to judge. But soft conditions, which are more important than hard conditions, are not so easy to judge. After all, people are a complex animal.
Try to prolong the time you spend together, don't rush to make a decision, listen to other people's judgment criteria is not helpful, just listen to your own inner voice. Of course, the premise is to be honest with yourself.
Even if it is judged, it can only represent the state for a period of time. People will change, adapt accordingly.
5. Everyone says to be yourself. The premise of being yourself is to find yourself. How did you find yourself?
At first, I planned to write a single article for this problem. As a result, when I actually wrote it, I was stuck for several days.
I did find myself, no doubt, but asking how is not so easy to answer.
Under normal circumstances, the change of people is likely to be a subtle process. Epiphanies exist, but without the accumulation of quantitative changes, epiphanies will not occur.
Or, even if he has an epiphany, it is still superficial, and it is only a superficial appearance. Today, I want to make a change with enthusiasm, and within three days, I will immediately return to its original shape.
So the first rule of finding yourself is: don't expect to find your sudden self (Uncle Wu Bai started singing...).
What are you like?
Yohji Yamamoto said: "Self" is invisible. When you bump into something else and bounce back, you can understand "self".
Therefore, when you collide with something very strong, something terrible, and something of a very high standard, you will know what "self" is, and this is the self.
Finding yourself is actually a process of colliding with the world.
Every day, as long as you live in this world, you will interact with the world, even if it is a person, you will be exposed to various information.
"Is this the case? This person would say such a thing?" When these thoughts appeared, it was an opportunity to understand oneself.
Collect information about the collision between yourself and the world, like writing a dictionary, and slowly, an image of "self" appears.
[This is me] You sigh, I am like this! You look at yourself as if you saw the person you love the most.
If you find yourself, you will love yourself. Those who love themselves find themselves.
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