Write in front:
this movie
Unmarried people may be afraid of marriage
People who are married and have no children will probably think of Dink
People who are married and have children will probably resonate a lot like me
The movie is from a female perspective through and through, but I recommend (or hope) every dad or dad-to-be watch it too - I'm not trying to discuss women's rights, the social division of labor between men and women, and the family division.
I'm trying to tell you through this movie that if you don't want to make changes, there's a real chance that your wife will become mentally ill.
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Taiwanese translation of "The Diary of a World-weary Mommy"
It tells the story of Marlo, a mother of three who was in trouble in her life, and was rescued by a young nanny named Tully.
Well, the story is such a story, how to interpret it depends on which stage of your life you are in
Because the mentality of different stages is different
I found the exit from this movie
Hope you can too
1. The truth of life is chaos
Many scenes in the movie are too familiar to mothers.
When you want a cup of coffee with a big belly, strangers will cast "this person is unreasonable", as if drinking coffee while pregnant is a crime.
And when the baby is born, you cry every two hours, you get out of bed, feed, change diapers, button your clothes, put them to sleep, put the pump on you stupidly, pump, and then you have to Store breast milk and put it in the fridge, sleepy the whole time, can't keep your eyes open, sometimes too confused, the milk storage bag will seal and the milk will spill on the table...and when you pack everything, that angel may Started crying again.
If you want to have children in the future, you must feel the first 30 minutes of this movie carefully, not to miss a single detail, because you are about to experience the exact same routine. Even if you have seen your friends and relatives around you when they become mothers, maybe you will occasionally come up with ideas such as "it doesn't seem to be difficult to change diapers", "if you take good care of babies, they should be very good" and so on. I can only say that it is too naive. Only when you are really in it will you know that all the things, all, make you tired to deal with it.
The mother of the second child is probably more emotional (after all, the heroine Marlo is the mother of three children) - in the morning, when the meal is ready, when dressing the little one, the older one will scream in your ear "Mom my Where's the schoolbag?" Sometimes the husband next to you will ask you if you have seen his keys. When you can finally drive them to school, you may encounter a traffic jam and be late for minutes. If you encounter a child who is worried, you have to go to school to accept the teacher's criticism, and finally say thank you with a smile. .....
2. Most of the husbands love games
In real life, 80% of the families are the same as in the movie, and the wife undertakes most of the housework [the remaining 20% are the same as the heroine's younger brother, local tyrant, looking for a nanny]
Because after becoming mothers, most women naturally shift their focus to their children. Every day they think about their children's eating, drinking, sleeping, worrying about their hearts, and doing unfinished work.
I have no intention of discussing the division of labor between men and women
what is there to discuss
You can do it twice by telling him what to do.
After all, a man is the kind of man you tell him, "Go to the balcony to collect clothes", and he will really only accept the shirt and leave all the pants [and you say that it is useless for him a hundred times, and he is still the one hundred and first time. Magical creatures that can easily piss you off
Fantastic creatures change seasons, don't even know if they want to add clothes, can you still count on him to arrange clothes for children?
Like the movie says, isn't that the case with dads?
So, forget it. When he is not on business, he will go home and have dinner after tutoring his homework. Let him play games.
Otherwise what? Divorce?
3. The cruelty of marriage is that even with the other half, you are still an island
Yes, after all, very few families in China now have three children like in the movies, and children cannot always be babies.
And now there are many dual-earner families, not all mothers are around their children 24 hours a day
So maybe your life is not in chaos, and your husband doesn't play games. You can throw away those trivial things, but you may not be able to escape the trivialities that are just a short distance away.
Even if you and he are already the closest person to each other, even if you still love each other, but too many times your joys and sorrows are not connected, like two islands separated by the sea.
Just like in the movie Marlo didn't know that his wife was so bad until the end of the car accident because of drunk driving.
He doesn't know how much you despise yourself every day for no longer being a size S, and how tired you are to take care of your children every day
He doesn't know that you are almost overwhelmed by the anxiety of "fearing that you are not doing well" every day, or how many moments you cry alone in the dead of night
And you have no time to consult his stress and his emotions because of your daily exhaustion
In this way, you can't stop, but you can't touch each other.
4. Don't blame yourself, you are already fine
Marlo's son Jonah in the movie has obsessive-compulsive disorder and bipolar disorder, which makes her more difficult than the average mother
There's a scene where she suddenly loses control because Jonah isn't accepted at school
This sentence blurted out by Marlo, who had lost his temper at the principal, reminded me of myself
I mentioned before that when the dumplings were just born, there was not enough breast milk, and they all said that breast milk was better than milk powder. So I became a chasing mother.
Chasing milk requires confidence in yourself and not always adding milk powder.
One day the dumpling was crying, and his grandmother asked if it was because he wasn't full. After I heard it, I couldn't hold back and shouted out—what does that mean? I worked so hard to chase the milk that the dumplings hung on me 24 hours a day. Even if I didn’t get enough sleep, my back hurt to the point of exploding. Why am I so tired? Are you crying now that you are not full? Do you blame me for not adding milk powder? Blame me for starving him? Is it my fault? How is that? Do you want me to say sorry?
Danzi's grandma is like the principal in the movie, a little confused because she didn't blame me and I was like Marlo
too wronged too angry
I don’t know if you have this kind of situation when you read the article, when others mention that your child has a problem (mostly unintentionally), you feel that they are blaming you.
It's not the glass heart, but other people don't know, maybe you have secretly blamed yourself countless times because of this problem.
There's another scene in the movie
Jonah kept crying in the school corridor because he was scared by the automatic flushing of the toilet. Marlo was afraid that he would disturb others, so he kept persuading him. I was also nervous with Marlo, afraid that she would be blamed by others.
Then a stranger came over and asked what happened
Marlo blurted out "I'm sorry, I think she should have apologized countless times for that."
And the answer of this uneasy-looking uncle made me feel soothed.
Don't blame yourself, don't blame the kids
You did nothing wrong, neither did the child
"You did nothing wrong"
So the world, forgive us moms
Sometimes we just need to say "you did nothing wrong" is enough
And if no one around you tells you that
Then please tell yourself
"you're fine
Sometimes it's not your fault that the child cries/makes a fuss/sick
You don't blame yourself, you didn't do anything wrong, you didn't feel sorry for others
you don't have to be sorry
you are never omnipotent
On the contrary, you have always had your own vulnerabilities and insecurities
But as long as the child has a simple smiling face, the sentence "Mama I love you"
You can wipe away your tears, put away your exhaustion, and continue to be a superman who moves forward
You are already really great"
5. 30+ about arriving on time
Two months after giving birth to dumplings, I was taking a shower and I looked at my stomach and thought of Marlo
I was suddenly panicked, I felt like I could never go back to the way I used to be, so I cried myself in the bathroom
Until now, I still remember the feeling that came up at that moment, aggrieved and hopeless
Even though I've lost a lot of weight now, occasionally someone will say that I'm still in good shape, but I know it's not.
When I see a little girl in her early 20s on the street, I still feel my heartfelt emotion
I often wonder if I can avoid this by not getting married and not having children.
The answer is "no"
Because 30 years old is like the garbage truck at 5 o'clock in the morning will arrive on time
Many people will say that if you don't get married, you can make your own money and spend it yourself.
Or you can always enjoy the two-person world without children, there is always time to exercise and recharge
Yes, that's right, I don't deny that I know that there are many people in the world who are like this, single or Dink is very cool
But I know I won't, because I'm just an ordinary person without any talent.
Even if I don't get married and don't want children, when the age of 30 arrives on time, I still can't grow up like a star, and I still can't make a monthly salary of over 10,000 to go on a trip.
Those fantasies in my early 20s, I know for sure are just fantasies to me.
I really can't do it, it has nothing to do with whether I get married and have children.
6. Maybe your dream has come true
In the movie Marlo complains to Tully that she doesn't know anything because she's young, she says she's bad now
I read this answer from Tully three times over and over again.
yes you miss your younger self
Miss the body when you were young, the freedom when you were young and the colorfulness when you were young
Do you still remember the feeling when you chose to marry when you were young?
You've ridden all the merry-go-rounds before you realize that the bench is your shelter
You found the right person, you feel you love him, you want to start a family with him, so you choose to be his wife
Then you want to have your own child with him, so you choose to be a mother
It turns out that now you have really realized your dream when you were young
it's just that you forgot
7. Don't forget yourself and reconcile with the world
You miss the youth when you were 20+
You're afraid of this constant and exhausting life
You're struggling and confused and living your life but no one can save you and neither can your husband
Because you don't need a life assistant
All you need is to make peace with your present self and your past self
Then seriously let the 20+ you return occasionally in the future life
Seriously love yourself more and reconcile the world
Maybe the world will comfort you
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Finally, to husbands:
I know you don't have breasts
But you can do a lot more than you think
I know you sometimes miss the days when you dragged your brothers to the Internet cafe to fight monsters
you have your own hell
But you also have to remember that the world is not only about work and children, you also have her
If you remember your commitment to loving and caring for her when you held hands
Then please take a good look at your wife to see if her "everything is fine" is an illusion
Eventually the child will grow up and leave
And you will go hand in hand to the end of your life
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