1. Introduction to the story
"Don't Tell Her" is a film about family love. The plot of the story is simple: "Grandma", an elder of a large family, was diagnosed with terminal cancer by the hospital and only had three months left to live. The family decisively chose not to tell her. Then everyone used her grandson's marriage as an excuse, and the children and grandchildren flew back to their hometown in Changchun from all over the world to spend a short period of family reunion with their grandmother.
As the plot unfolds, the hot issues that modern people struggle with are honestly presented in front of the audience: empty nesters, sending children to study abroad, finding a partner, facing the death of a loved one... The cultural differences between the East and the West with different family backgrounds are also revealed one by one.
2. Creation background
After watching the film, I checked the director's shooting background, and found that this is a story written and directed by the director himself, Wang Ziyi, based on his family's personal experience.
This small-budget film has far exceeded expectations abroad: first, its box office in North America once surpassed the "Avengers 4" in the same period, and finally won the 77th "Golden Globe Award for Music, Comedy". Best Actress Award".
At present, the most debated online is the pros and cons of this film "in the way of presenting Eastern and Western cultures". Although, at the beginning, I had some points that I wanted to see the cultural differences between the East and the West. But in the end, the feeling of watching the movie for me is irrelevant to this point.
3. Questions about individuals:
Who is in charge of your own life?
The first point is "life". Through the mouth of the uncle, the film expresses the different views of "life" in Eastern and Western cultures: in the West, "life is individual" and has the right to know under the protection of the law; The opinions of the majority of members are the principle of implementation, and the opinions of the parties are the least important.
This kind of unimportance has reached the level of disregard of family affection: the granddaughter said, "If we don't tell the truth to grandma, what if she has something she wants to do that she hasn't done yet?" When the grandmother said that she hoped to scatter her ashes into the sea after her death, her relatives said, "No, this is not customary, it should be buried in the ground for safety."
The second point is "responsibility". The film also uses the mouth of the uncle to express the different understandings of "responsibility" in Eastern and Western cultures. The uncle said, "Tell her that I am afraid of taking responsibility, because this responsibility is too great. If I tell her, I will not take the responsibility; if I don't tell her, I will share her ideological pressure."
Sounds great right?
But what was slapped in the face was that on the one hand, the uncle expressed his love and gratitude to his old mother with tears in his eyes at his son's wedding;
I believe that the uncle's expression on the stage is a real emotional expression. After all, it has been more than 20 years since he immigrated overseas and has not been reunited with his family. Suddenly facing the old mother's life span of only three months, who can be free from any sense of self? What about guilt?
But action trumps all eloquence: Is the son of a painter really short of money? No shortage! Does he lack knowledge? No shortage! He also consulted Japanese experts before buying the medicine. I once heard a doctor friend say that there are many cancer patients in life who are finally recommended by well-meaning people with various "prescriptions", delaying the best time for treatment and dying. So, how can such a heartless "responsibility" stand here? !
Those questions that we were very disgusted with when we were young and that our parents made decisions for us without authorization: choosing a school, choosing a major, choosing a job, or even choosing a marriage partner, almost no one asked us what we really want?
However, when we grow up and when our parents get old, we fatally choose to be our parents without asking what they really think? Whether it's medical treatment, or the choice of life's final journey.
Fourth, the relationship between individuals and family life:
Family relationship without borders
This kind of family relationship without borders is what we often hear, "I do this for your own good!" Is that really true? If someone asks the same questions to themselves, when they face these questions, will they still persuade themselves with words of persuasion?
In the film, when the grandmother eagerly asked her granddaughter to "hurry up and find someone to take care of herself", the granddaughter who grew up with an American education said naturally, "I'll just take care of myself."
Grandma continued to do ideological work: "You are still young. When you are old, you still need someone to take care of you."
Not afraid of death, the granddaughter asked her grandmother, "Can Grandpa Li take care of you?"
Grandma understood instantly, sighed and said, "It's okay to be independent, women, you have to be self-sufficient."
This is "do not do to others what you do not want to do to yourself".
Five, the film left us thinking
There are indeed many differences in values between Chinese and Western cultures. However, on the issue of individual "life", there was originally no difference. The difference is that the views and opinions of those around us have been influencing our choices.
"Death" has been a taboo topic for the Chinese since ancient times. In the film, this issue is rarely confronted directly, and it is only said that "it is the last moment".
All things are born and die, this is the eternal law of nature.
"Don't tell her" may just be because we are unwilling or afraid to face the problem ourselves. Are the real thoughts and bearing capacity of the parties really what we imagined? Is not telling her the only and best option?
If we can be a little bit equal, spend a little time and energy, and pay more attention to the people around us, these can be judged. Under the background of real heart, there will be more options for everyone to choose together.
There needs to be "white lies" between relatives. But what I understand is that the person who chooses whether to tell this "white lie" should be the person concerned. At least, it shouldn't be used by people around us as "I'm good for you" and used without authorization.
Since we cannot choose how we are born. We should have the right to choose what kind of life we want to live!
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