I saw this movie last November.
At that time, Baozi's grandmother had just been diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer. Pancreatic cancer is the king of cancer, and there is almost no possibility of cure. The American doctor's point of view is to only do pain management, and do not do other examinations. Determine how big the cancer is and what is the primary cancer? It doesn't matter where it spreads.
At that time, everyone in the family reached a consensus almost immediately, not to tell grandma.
On the one hand, my grandmother is in her 80s and has always been in very good health. She was brought to the United States by her child in her later years. She must be a little lonely, but her quality of life is good.
On the one hand, there is a grandfather at home. Grandpa is older than grandma, and his health is not very good. He has a very good relationship with grandma.
Baozi's grandmother immigrated to the United States at an early age. However, I still retain the living habits in China. It can be said that apart from the change in the geographical location, I could not feel any difference between the life of an ordinary family in China at his grandmother's house.
But Baozi's eldest sister came to the United States before she went to primary school. She is the youngest immigrant child of the whole family.
(Second sister came from middle school, and the younger sisters have returned to China many times one after another, and have attended both domestic primary schools and domestic middle schools)
The eldest sister can both listen and speak Chinese, and her vocabulary is at the level of a child, but she can't read or write at all.
Living habits are also more biased towards Americans
Grandma was sick and didn't tell grandma herself, which shocked the eldest sister! In a group at home, one person singles out all the elders,
Say, "This is depriving the patient of their right to know, and I want you to sue you!"
"You know the law and break the law!"
"You have no humanity, you don't understand human rights!" and so on.
After hearing the eldest sister's remarks, I suddenly realized that there is still an option not to tell my grandma that she has terminal cancer.
What can I say, I really didn't even think about it before.
I told my eldest sister that if I told my grandma, my grandma might not be able to bear the pressure and her condition would worsen.
But the eldest sister said that the patient can only truly look at her life if she knows her true situation. Maybe she still has unfulfilled wishes and wants to complete it before the end of her life?
When it comes to grandma, if she has any wishes, the whole family can probably guess that grandma wants to go back to China.
But just because this wish is difficult to achieve (grandmother is old, the flight time is uncomfortable, there are no relatives in the country, and no one can take care of her), so everyone chose to ignore it.
My own grandmother also died of cancer, and I didn't tell her at the time, only that it was a stomach ulcer that needed a minor operation. But after being admitted to the ICU, the situation deteriorated and he died without being discharged.
If I could do it all over again, should I choose to tell my grandma?
Why do we just round the corners and ask grandma what she wants to eat and drink, without thinking that she has other unfulfilled wishes?
There is a question that I have asked many friends, "If you knew that you had a terminal illness and that your life would be short, what would you do?"
Friends have various answers, most of them are going to travel.
But no one answered, and I continued to live my life until the end.
Baozi's grandmother was not told about the cancer in the end.
The eldest sister took our whole family to watch this movie, and the comments from the whole family were similar to the bullet screen, "the heroine is ugly, the image of the Chinese people is ugly", etc., and always prevent being brainwashed, seeing the ending My sister said, look, her grandmother is not living well.
The eldest sister chose to remain silent, but she said that she had made a will. If her children concealed her own illness in the future, they would not get a penny when she died.
It is September until I write these words now. At the time, the doctor said that my grandmother would only have three months to live, but now it's ten months.
In the middle, the second sister also hurriedly arranged the wedding and took wedding photos for her grandmother, but because of the epidemic, the wedding was postponed to next year. I don't know if my grandmother can still participate.
Grandma usually grows vegetables, raises chickens, and smokes hemp in the small yard (legal areas)
The quality of life seems to be pretty good, and because of the epidemic, it is impossible to return to China, and I will no longer mention the matter of returning to China. My grandma's home is in Hubei, and there are many acquaintances in Wuhan. Because of the epidemic, I have video chats with many acquaintances, and have more topics and care for each other.
But when I went back this time, I felt that my grandmother had changed a bit. She didn't like to join in the fun with everyone. After eating, she went back to her own room and didn't sit and chat with everyone.
In order to avoid the inconvenience of grandma going up and downstairs, grandma's room was moved to a bedroom next to the living room on the first floor.
At night, everyone was watching TV in the living room. When I passed by my grandma's house, I sat on the bed in a daze when I saw her.
I asked her, why are you still not sleeping?
Grandma said that it was so noisy outside that I couldn't sleep.
I said otherwise, come out and watch TV with everyone.
Grandma can't tell.
I don't know if my grandma is suffering from pain, because pancreatic cancer is very painful, and grandma doesn't like to take painkillers, because according to the traditional Chinese thinking, painkillers are not good for the body.
I suddenly thought of this movie again.
I wonder if it's just that the children and grandchildren want their grandma to live and meet their own needs, but they impose it on grandma, saying that grandma wants to live a long life?
Are the children and grandchildren often going home to do their filial piety, or do they go home to party under the banner of filial piety to disturb the life of the elderly?
If, like the question of knowing when we will die, we are not answering to continue living the life we are living, why should we continue to live a life that we do not like, for a long time?
When I went back to my grandmother's house last week, it was my grandfather's 90th birthday? The second aunt raised a glass to celebrate and said that I wish my grandparents, as well as everyone at the dinner table, to live to be 100 years old!
Big sister said, I don't want it! too terrifying! !
If it were you, would you wish you knew you had a terminal illness?
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