Tsubasa
"EVA"
I saw another me in her eyes. Like me, he escaped everywhere: from sorrow and pain; from loneliness and noise; from the me who was far away from the crowd and closed my heart; and the me who was timid, cowardly, indifferent and cowardly.
I have been deeply in love with this prosperous and desolate end of the century.
Her eyes twinkled, and so did mine. He was silent and arrogant. He was pale and dejected. In this monotonous and repetitive life, I began to look for him. The me who grew up laughing at death and betrayal on my own, the me who lived in orders and tasks with nowhere to run.
The arrival of the cruel angel is the beginning of sadness; the warm emotion that is about to spread its wings; and the shape that embraces life. I watched it finally fly away from the window, carrying the brilliance of the universe, saying goodbye to all memories.
In that year, mankind bestowed a lovely title on the angels who appeared on the earth one after the other, calling them apostles.To deal with them, start making EVA. However, an accident occurs during the secret implementation of the "Human Completion Plan," which was initiated to free people from pain.The so-called "Adam" wakes up. He created the big explosion, causing all the sea levels to rise, the city to sink, and the only thing left to survive. In order to defeat the ensuing apostles, the people began to experiment and manufacture EVA.
She said that the sky was dazzlingly red that year. The sea is an endless darkness. She was in a coma and remembered nothing. But she never forgot that her father put her young in the only lifeboat and stroked her hair lovingly. Then, face the darkness that you can't swim through alone.
Twenty years ago Twenty years later, she said, she has never forgotten the pose. It was the only evidence she used to pay her respects to her father. The cross that her father gave her was always hung on her chest, and that was the belief that she would guard with her life.
The fire of hell is burning. The vast pupils flickered. It had nothing to do with the earth's legend.The angels also fled. This is the battlefield, and this is hell. If the map of dreams that I have in my pocket is unfolded, I should also understand that there is only one way forward. Standing on the impenetrable wall in front of me, how do I rush out?
I know that my mother has not been by my side since I was a child. My father abandoned me, and I also abandoned my mother. People around me were talking and laughing. They say it was the father who killed the mother. I want to know the truth about all this. want to know the tenderness and love of a mother.
But I never imagined that when I was selected as a driver by NERV, I would meet my father when I was fourteen. That, abandoned my father, killed my mother's father, the father of the NERV commander.
He looked at me, frowned, and said, "Do you want to drive the EVA?"
That was my father. His bushy beard and deep-set eye sockets, his black coat and tan glasses, his haughty appearance, and his indifferent expression all seemed to declare his greatness. He said, "Do you want to drive an EVA?" He stood up high and looked down at me, expressionless.
I'm scared. I want to run away. I want to get out of here. I thought my father loved me because I was his son, after all. I asked him, "Dad, did you call me here just because you wanted me to drive the EVA?"
YesHe said.
"Dad, so I'm just a tool for you, isn't it?" I asked after a long silence.My face is pale. But my heart continues to scream, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad.I thought about the way I met him countless times, although I was afraid of him, always afraid, always afraid, always afraid.
However, he said, "Do you want to drive an EVA or not?" If you want, stay; if you don't, go back and never come again.
I exclaimed, "No, I don't want to!" How did I do such a thing? I will take the fate of the entire human race into my own hands. How can I do this?
So I started to run away. Run away, run away, run away. But where to flee?
Now I want to go back. I searched in my memory for those tender dreams, the direction of the water, for that limited eternity, that endless abyss.
The night is so long and the shadows are so vast. Quietly trembling fingertips are what I seek to find the whereabouts of life. I want to go back. Back to the land where I lived However, I am at a loss. Is this my destiny? I held it tight and it bloomed angrily that summer, like a flower that won't wither. The breath of hope that remained in my chest quickly dissipated with its bright and graceful gesture.
There is a steel gate there. Darkness, helplessness, loneliness, pain, collapse, flaws, hardship, confusion, desertion.
Then I saw that girl. Her left eye was wrapped in pure white bandages, oozing blood. The right eye is flaming red with a warm and sweet smell. She lay on the stretcher on her back, her arms tangled in gauze, and her eyes were sharp, like ice and blood, gorgeous and indifferent.She looked at me silently, her blood-red eyes slanted at me, sad and painful. I saw the EVA pilot's logo on her chest. Her face was pale and weak, but her eyes were firm.
The violent shaking caught everyone off guard. The light on the roof fell, and I saw her right below it. I rushed forward to protect her. In my consciousness, I couldn't let her get hurt. When the light was about to approach, the EVA that belonged to me stretched out its broad and hard arm, blocking the top of my head.
Her father said to her, Li, the apostles are here, and you are the only one to fight.
Yes!She screamed, struggled to her feet off the ground, swayed, and fell. With her heavy breathing and rapid panting, the girl named Li looked at me with unstoppable eyes, and finally, I was defeated. Those sad memories and painful experiences stretched darkly into the distance. So I woke up suddenly, and the cold light that used to be pierced through my chest. The wings of hope cut off all my escape routes.
Dad!I screamed hysterically, "I want to fight!" Please let me drive the EVA!
Although on this earth, all I know is the things I hate, I finally understand that I can't escape. I can't escape. For the sake of my mother, for the sake of Li, and for the sake of the entire human race, I don't want to run away.
As I sat in the EVA, I saw my life, and I made my final confession. My tears were standing on the other side and my wandering mood surrounded me tightly. That dark, rainy night and endless melancholy were just warm shapes. Those lies and hurt burned in the fire of hell. I am not an angel. I found my weakness in the pain of life, but everyone's expectations are maintained on me. So I spread the wings of EVA and spread the wings of hope. The pain was unforgettable, and I shed innocent tears. I will fight with all my courage. This battle can only be won, not lost.
The monster in front of me lunged at me with claws and claws, and I started running, running, running. It came in front of me and I killed it with the smart knife in EVA's hand. I ripped its AT force field completely, and it died, fell, and died with a slight rage. I stand on the ground as a winner, looking at it proudly. I endured all the pain. The people in NERV said, "You did a good job."
The father, the father I hate and hate, the father I will never see again, the father I saw for the first time since I was born, left me a sentence. Well done, he said.
Well, victory. done. The first time someone praised me, the first time someone praised me. There was uncontrollable happiness in my heart.
The pale sky and the billowing dust and smoke are the angels who woke up in the dream and the myth of EVA.
When I heard Asuka answer the phone, I learned of her past. Her cracks, the pain behind her invincibility.
At the age of five, Asuka's mother was admitted to the hospital for mental problems. She had always loved her mother dearly, as deadly. But she hated her mother's cowardice and cowardice. She hated her mother, who only sat on the hospital bed and laughed tremblingly.
Asuka's father is in love with another woman, so he ignores the existence of her and her mother. But the mother didn't dare to say anything or do anything. She would only hold the doll in her hand and call out Asuka's name, saying, "Good boy, we will never be separated." Then laugh. Five-year-old Asuka escaped from the hospital like a reckless butterfly. She shouted, "I'm not a mother's doll!" I don't want to be my mother's doll! What followed was the wild laughter of the mother. The head of the white puppet was detached from the body, and the mother screamed, as if her hands were full of blood.
But she still loves her mother. Love irresistibly, love irresistibly, love fearlessly.
She excitedly ran back to the hospital that day. Her whole body was excited. She runs and runs on the road without lingering. She wants to tell her mother the good news. She pushed open the door and shouted, "Mom!" Mother! I was selected by NERV! I want to be the driver of Eva! Mother!
Then she saw her mother hanging on the white sheet, her face twisted and her smile weird. The mother's hand is a doll whose head and neck are separated. When the child is shaking on the beam, the mother should be saying, "Good child, we will never be separated."
My mother has died.is dead. Gone forever.
There were no tears in Asuka's eyes; she only blamed her mother for being too persistent and stupid. So she kept dreaming of her mother's startling puppet and her distant, almost frantic laughter. Asuka tried to forget all this, but failed in the end. She told Li and me that only when there is light in the city can we feel the presence of people.
Because we can forget, we can survive.
Asuka wants to forget her mother. She can't do anything, and every time she meets her mother in memory, she will cry hysterically. In response to her, there is only endless desertion and loneliness.
She also became the driver of the EVA. Her desperate fighting style regards death as a joke and the apostles as dolls. She has won time and time again, but she can't escape her own cage.
We are sad creatures with greed, lust, betrayal, hurt, loneliness, loneliness, and despair.
I am Rei, Asuka. We drive an EVA. Constantly accepting orders, constantly facing the battle. There are so many enemies that we become exhausted. We can only fight.
There are too many things holding us back. Past events, memories, time, distance, human beings, life and death. These are all we have to face. But I have decided not to run away, never to run away again, never to run away. Although sometimes I faced failure, faced loneliness, faced pain, faced fear, faced disgust, faced my fragile self, faced another me, I still can't escape. No one can help me, no one can understand me. The only one who can sympathize and cherish me is myself.
So, I have to love myself.
So, even though I'm always feeling uneasy and always feeling terrified, I'm going to stay here until I die. Even if I am cowardly, cunning, timid, and stupid, I will survive. Even if I don't know my own destiny, I will still place my hopes in reality and meet my ideals in dreams.
People, while weaving love, create history. Although I can't become a god, I still exist.
Those lives are waiting for the shining dawn. The night faded and the world closed its eyes. I threw away the holy book I had clutched so tightly; the endless prayers, the dogmatic fingers and ears; and my soul and heart were awakened by the light that flowed and sang in memory.
This is a magnificent and grand ceremony commemorating the me who used to be silent and arrogant, pale and dejected, laughing independently in death and betrayal, and living in destiny and task with nowhere to escape.
I think not. However, it is still to be said.
Dear Dad, thank you.
Mom, goodbye.
Li, don't be sad anymore.
Asuka, please be brave.
I really need you.
Good night, lost children.
I am going to meet the wings of hope and the light of dreams.
My name is Ikari Shinji.
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