Pain is a memory - "Piano Teacher"

Helmer 2022-04-20 09:01:55

Such an image is heart-wrenching: a stern and strict piano teacher, an old and erratic mother.
Let's look at the scene again, we can try to understand, not understand. What all people need is not understanding, but understanding. So does Erica. Can those unreasonable behaviors be understood as a love that is too repressed.
Too heavy and painful. This kind of pain is not only heartache, but also physical and can be felt alive. Arica held the sharp blade in her hand, facing the mirror, put the blade to her private parts, and swiped. Heart-wrenching pain. Watching her stand up from the bathtub with a calm expression, rinse off the large blush with a hose, and walk out of the bathroom.
It's like you take a blade and cut it towards the white skin on your wrist, smell the sweet fragrance, and then put your hand under the tap water, let the temperature of the small piece of skin gradually decrease, become stiff, and the blood will no longer overflow .
Just a too authoritarian mother, just a long-term abstinent daughter, just a cruel, morbid love. Erica's self-mutilation, watching pornographic tapes alone in a rental shop, peeping people having sex in a drive-in movie theater... In any case she was calm, her face was as unwrinkled as a starched dress.
When the handsome blond young man appeared, she still remained calm, on the surface everything was calm, and the fire of lust had already been ignited in her heart. His feelings are easy to understand, he just admires the woman who is high above, and the perfection of the notes flowing from her hands. As a man, the most sincere words are "I love your soul, but I love your body more". All he wanted was to get her.
And she is not.
When her most proud female student auditioned for the piano, the young man saw that she was emotionally unstable and went to comfort her. Sit next to her and watch her play.
Erica's balance was suddenly broken.
Did you see the tears in her eyes? Hold it in the eye socket for a long time. She went to the cloakroom alone. She thought he only loved her, but he was courteous to others. She is unwilling. The camera lingers there, her petite black back and broken heart. He calmly took a silk scarf, put a glass in it, smashed it hard, and poured the fragments into the schoolgirl's right coat pocket.
After doing all this, she wiped away her tears, breathed a sigh of relief, and returned to the audience.
Later, when everyone turned around for the scream, she said to him: "Go and see how she is, I'm dizzy. Be your flower guardian!" This sentence betrayed her behavior. Also let him know how she feels about him. He felt joy. No, it should be a surprise.
She hid in the toilet and he pulled her out. It begins with kisses and fondlings—the plot suddenly changes from slowness and subtlety to passion and boldness. Suddenly turn down. If you compare this to a war, well, the battle has just begun.
She would not let him in, despite his repeated pleas. She was tyrannical to him and wanted him to do as she wished. I understand her behavior as being in control for too long - the mother's love for her is also possessive. Now, Erica wants to take control of herself.
Let's go back to the intense kiss from the beginning. It's just intense and not lingering. Such a kiss doesn't have much love in it, it's just lust. Erica said to her lover, I will write to tell you what you should do. He had to follow his orders (men before getting them tended to do what they were told). She still maintains her noble skin during the day, she is to be a general, and he is just a pawn in her hands. Is this the love she wants? The long letter confided the most secret masochistic desire in her heart. And the young lover thought she was unreasonable and rushed out the door.
This is a misunderstanding. He doesn't understand what love is. Abuse is painful, she wants him to beat her, tied her up and beat her, all based on love first, trust and understanding second. However, she feels too good about herself, and not everyone can understand her. From the perspective of ordinary people, these are perverted. She wants to be abused because "it is a manifestation of guilt, it stems from self-repression, the fear of pleasure; it stems from the fear of freedom; it stems from the need to return to childhood, because of the psychological trauma in childhood, it stems from Excessive need for love and warmth" (Li Yinhe, Sadomasochistic Subculture).
She lowly begged him. Yet another failed physical relationship. Here, he has become the active party. The situation has changed. He stormed into her house at night, locked her mother in a room, beat her and raped her in another room. She was dumb and let him in. Without happiness or tears, the body becomes an empty container, and the soul goes nowhere. Poor Erica. She was slapped a few times by him, her teeth fell, blood was streaked on her face, on her nightgown, this is what she begged for, the so-called love?
There is no love at all. Love is dead. Her spring never came.
When the day of the performance finally arrived, Erica took the place of the girl with the broken finger. She met him again and he just smiled at her and left as if nothing had happened.
She remained silent. She left without picking up the parked coat. As she walked, she took out the prepared knife from her bag and stabbed it into her chest. Her shirt was wet and red. She didn't fall down and disappeared at the next corner.
Heart is dry, love is deserted. She just wanted to make herself hurt so that she could remember that she was still alive.
The movie "Piano Teacher". Watch it for two nights. One night at a friend's house. It was late when I got home, and I wondered if I would see the sun tomorrow. Another night, in the dorm, with a classmate's hand-held. The girls who were watching together were making noises, they didn't understand Erica at all. I am gloomy. After reading it, I went downstairs alone and ran 4000 meters on the track. That day was the menstrual period, and the pain in the lower abdomen was dull, perhaps, it was a kind of remembrance.



Silver tear
2003-4-28
12:31

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Extended Reading

The Piano Teacher quotes

  • Erika Kohut: After all, love is built on banal things.

  • Erika Kohut: A wrong note in Beethoven is less offensive than mangling the spirit of it.