The Film Archive, He Jiaqi, heard her talk about her and Zhang Mao, and knew it long ago, but his brain was still buzzing. Fellini, I don't understand. Stupid and rude. Religious suffering love? If I'm not by your side, who will? Joker said so, but then she died. Zhang Mao, when we were together, everyone said that we had never seen such a match. Later, when we were not together, they said that you were not good enough for me, and later they said that if I don't come out, I will be ruined by you. But I just can't help it, is it that simple to love and not to love? Love is a choice, because love brings great responsibility, but it is really hard not to love.. Even if I feel that you are cruel to me now, there is no way. I even discovered that religious alienation is just like that, imagining an object, paying for him, using him to kidnap himself, without asking for anything in return. Zhang Mao, when we were together, I knew that what I liked was you, and I embraced all your shortcomings, but after being separated for so long, I actually don’t know what you are like. To a back view with your long hair, I can burst into tears in an instant. I said I miss you, but I don’t even know if I’m thinking about you, I have given you too much meaning, the evening breeze in the spring before the college entrance examination, the hugs and kisses after the college entrance examination, the crying after the results, the long Meeting every day in the summer, walking, chatting and reading books, listening to songs and running after separation, crying out of control on New Year's Eve, so many things, my eighteen years old from the first day to the last day. According to my understanding of love, I confirm my own existence when I get along with you, and record everything about me through your eyes, because you are me. I miss you, but I also really want to go back to those moments, I really don't cherish them at all, I thought there would be many, many more moments like this, but I didn't expect that I would be old like this. Zhang Mao, those people we look down on who look for spiritual support in religion seem to be me.
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