broken thoughts

Julie 2022-10-15 07:10:11

In the days of insomnia, even though my body is nearly infinite fatigue, I still can't sleep, so I get up late at night to open a can of beer and try to see these theories, stories and plots that I didn't understand before, but now I am constantly familiar with it. I do not deconstruct from a philosophical or existential point of view, but if a person has experienced mild depression, the film rhythm that suddenly loses meaning, vitality, and power in his life can be recognized at first sight. And if you are lucky enough to not continue to deteriorate, but suddenly find the meaning of life like Abe, and find that ray of light, you will probably stubbornly hold it tightly in your hand and will never let go easily. After Abe has a goal in life, he is sober and natural, and his intuition is extremely accurate. It seems that the luck of the world is on his side. However, depression is such a thing, you think it is gone, but it will visit suddenly from time to time, just like the scorching sun the day before yesterday, like the midsummer approaching, makes people feel both troubled and happy, relax their vigilance in the flowers and green shadows, and today is fleeting The cold wind whistled like entering a desolate autumn. There is no summer in Britain, precise. When you are in pain, your thoughts are constantly stimulated, and your body remains awake; however, when you are depressed, everything is covered in gray, meaningless and lifeless. When we just soberly realize that life can be traumatized at any time, trust will be betrayed, rights will be deprived, and beauty will eventually disappear; better, life will devolve into triviality and impermanence, suffering in other people’s hell. If it is worse, the world will collapse, and the body and family will be fragmented. How to face the huge loss, then this gray interval will probably take a long time.
Yesterday was the eighth anniversary of the earthquake. Li Songwei’s official account posted a good article, which described his memories of that time and the helplessness and confusion he felt. There was an expert he respected. In time, he only concentrated on doing what he should do in his field. At the time when soldiers and doctors were most needed, he didn't go to the front line or do anything personally, just to maintain the orderly and normal operation of his world. He had to tell the story so carefully, even withholding the names of the people he respected, for which he felt inexplicably emotional. At this time eight years ago, when I was still in high school, I was always at a loss for this kind of pain that was overwhelming the whole country, and I deliberately kept my distance. But eight years later, the impact of this incident on my heart should be deeper than I imagined. When watching the news, I can't help but think about what I can do and what I can do if I am the party involved, facing such a cruel reality; as a helper, what is the real help. But my experience has always told myself that only I can save myself, and the best thing others can give is companionship, followed by material things. In Irrational man, Abe judged that the judge deserved death based on his own subjective judgment, believing that this would surely free the woman and the meaning of his life would exist. Woody Allen was so smart, so thief, never told us if the judge really drank the drink that Abe had poisoned, or the pain of the woman after the judge died, this kind of by others Whether the pain caused by deprivation of custody is properly resolved. In our world, only we have meaning, and I think that's what Allen has to say. As far as we are concerned, the world is my thinking, therefore I am, and people are a part of the world. Therefore, if a person changes, the world will change accordingly. This judgment is not unreasonable. I have always respected that psychologist's choice. When the world collapsed, I still maintained the normal operation of my world. The mainstay is probably the best adjective. And I also think, if I encounter such huge pain, can I still maintain confidence and trust in this world, heal the trauma, forget the past, pursue the future firmly, and live the rest of my life. Don't speculate, don't blame others, don't interfere, just do what you need to do with your heart. To some extent, can you resist the impermanence of fate and the suffering of others.
There is a question on Zhihu asking why a person who likes philosophy and psychology cannot live a daily life. One of the answers said that it is because they have such a special and urgent need for such problems that they have to solve their own problems first, and life or survival problems come second. Philosophy and psychology, even literature, aesthetics, I think are all addressing the needs of this type of people. However, immersed in thinking about these needs for a long time, it is easy to feel empty and without support. So it is no wonder that many philosophers love manual labor, and in the pain of physical labor, when they realize that the body functions as a tool and consciousness can even be irrelevant, they will probably feel the existence and meaning of self more truly.
Woody Allen jokingly mocked the 'intellectuals' camp he belongs to, telling such a good story with a bit of sober and painful pride and a venomous heart.

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Extended Reading

Irrational Man quotes

  • Abe: It's very scary when you run out of distractions.

  • Abe: Fifty-fifty odds is better than most people get in life.