you? I don’t know why I started to like to write letters. It seems to have started after you left. I found that I wrote a lot, but none of them were written to you, so I decided to write a letter to you, telling you that after you left What did I do in the last days.
I still remember that as soon as I opened my eyes, they told me that you were gone. I don't know how to face this sudden incident. You were still nagging me the last second. Many people were very sad at your farewell ceremony. I don't know why I just can't cry. I tried it but still can't cry. At that time, I remembered that the hospital vending machine dropped coins but no food fell out. I was so angry that I wrote a complaint letter to the company to complain. I was really hungry and you just left me and don’t know where you are. The urge to come, remember that I wrote a lot of complaints and mentioned you. From the letter, I recalled how we met. I still remember that your father hated me. After all, we are not in the right place and our family is not rich. Maybe he thinks that his kind and lovely daughter was deceived by a poor boy.
After you leave, I still get up at 5:30 every day, run, watch financial news, take a shower, and go to work on time at the company. I found that everyone was surprised that I returned to work so quickly. Your father took the initiative to find me to have a drink. He forgot what he said at that time. You know I was always an easy person to give up. I only remembered him at the time. Said to be a charity fund to help others in your name. When I got home, I received the coffee machine you ordered earlier. Then when I took the subway out, I met the man I met almost every day. Suddenly I had the urge to talk to him, so I chatted with him. I don't know why I want to tell him I don't love you, because I don't seem to feel any sadness after you left. He seems to look at me in surprise and ask how I feel? At that time, I suddenly pulled the emergency handle so I was finally taken to the police station. Actually, I don't know why there was such a sudden move. Maybe I finally confessed my heart.
My parents came here for a few days, maybe they want to take care of me. After sending them back, I stayed at the airport for two hours, just watching people coming and going, I suddenly wanted to know the luggage compartments of those people What's been installed, I really want to take the gun of the guard and shoot the bad guys to defend the country. I find it interesting to observe strangers quietly like this, as if I hadn't noticed these things before. I don't know why, I found that from that day on, every time I passed through a place, I saw something, it seemed to become a metaphor. I started to slow down and notice some things that I didn't normally find. Do you understand what I'm talking about?
One day I suddenly remembered that you told me that I had a toolbox. I found it and started repairing the refrigerator that you kept yelling about. I remembered that your father said that if you want to deal with any problem, you must find out the problem step by step. Where, so you can make yourself stronger. He said that repairing people's minds is like repairing a car. You only need to check all the parts to find the broken ones and reassemble them. I disassembled the entire refrigerator that night but still couldn't find the problem. You know I am an idiot in this regard. When I was in the messy refrigerator, the phone rang. She was the customer service staff of the complaining company. We chatted for a while and she said she called because of curiosity about the content of my complaint letter, but at that time It was early morning, so I was also curious to check her information, but I couldn't find her when I went to her company the next day. We continued to talk on the phone several times, and she told me that she had a son who looked like twelve years old, behaved like 21 years old, but was only fifteen years old. I was still dismantling your coffee machine at the time. The next day I found a woman staring at me on the train. I went over and talked to her. I don’t know why I feel she’s very familiar, as if I’ve known each other for a long time. I told her a lot, including yours, and she suddenly asked Why should I marry you? I only thought at the time. It might be easy. I don't know what kind of answer it was, but it was the answer that came to my mind the fastest at the time. After that, she got off the station, but I found out from the magazine she left that she was the customer service staff Karen. You know it was a coincidence. After that, we often contacted and made good friends.
Your father asked me to temporarily suspend my job because I removed the door of the toilet and the computer in the room. Didn’t he say that if you find the problem, you should open it the same way? The computer and the door have been problematic for a long time, forget it. Sudden suspension, then I have more time to repair more things with my toolbox. One day I gave the money back to the decorator to ask me to demolish the house. Isn’t it crazy? I don't know why I got a kind of release in the process of dismantling things, and my body seemed to be relaxed. I’ve often been with Karen recently. We talked very easily and naturally. She also took me to buy marijuana. The marijuana shop was in a circus shed. The magical thing was that I also found that you were very The carousel of love, after that we went to your favorite beach, I finally understand why you like the sea so much.
Recently, my heart hurts a bit. I don’t know what the problem is. Maybe my heart is missing a certain piece, which makes me feel numb to so many things. By the way, I forgot to tell you Karen’s son. I get along well with him. He is really much older than kids of the same age. Did you know that he showed me the war in a very vivid way? I even taught him to shoot. We played rock and listened to rock together. After we became familiar, he began to express his feelings to me. He asked me if he was gay. I also taught him to pretend to like girls in high school, and then he moved to the city to do it when he grew up. By yourself. I seem to see my own shadow in him. We are not very good at expressing, we are not understood by the people around us, and it is difficult to express our true thoughts. So many people have always misunderstood us. This may be why I talked to him so much. It's the reason.
Don’t be angry to tell you something. I demolished our house and broke it with a hammer, but because of that, I found the letter you hid, the letter you don’t want me to know, So no one can be angry if we are even. I took Karen to your fund party. Your father seemed to be very angry and said something heavy. After that, your mother told me the truth in the letter. Suddenly I suddenly knew a lot, but it seemed that I lost a lot. I didn't know what I should do or what I could do. I took apart a lot of seemingly perfect things, and discovered my childhood, work, marriage, everything that seemed perfect but imperfect. I took the memories apart like parts, and I found that the memories are made of small parts. Composition, good or bad, can make up the unique memories that belong to oneself. I want to repair and rebuild myself. I don’t have a clue about the future and the face. I don’t know how to assemble myself. I can’t find myself anymore. After disassembling myself, I can only learn and face my own shortcomings and regrets. . Do you know, I keep telling myself that I am numb and unsentimental, but this is not me. .
I miss you so much.
I miss you so much, every day, every night, every moment.
I have always wanted to convince myself that I don't love you so much, but I find that I deceive myself every day, and everyone around me seems to misunderstand me that I am a cold-blooded animal with no emotions. Do you know what missing is? Missing means that the person is not by your side and you can only miss each other through photos and images.
But you, you never left my memory. I go through every place and do everything every day, every day, I watch and greet you, even if you just get up to brush your teeth and get dressed, you are by my side, and I see it all the time What you did with Karen seems to be an act of self-compensation. I really want to listen to every word you say, chat with you, have fun at the beach with you, and watch the sea quietly holding hands. I really want to have your participation in everything I do every day. Without you, I am about to fall apart. Some people can't cry when they are truly sad. The inability to vent does not mean that they don't love, but that my heart simply cannot accept the fact that I lost you. I hate those people who taught me how to live. If I can still cry and speak, it is not the deepest pain. Looking at your little notes, I can no longer resist the invasion of memories, and I collapsed. .
I have always preferred to die. I miss you so much, I really want to hug you and feel your body temperature, do you know?
During that time, I often listened to a song-"Warmest Regards", which was a song that sang a thousand words in my heart. I really spent a long, long time to let go of all this and find myself in bits and pieces. Now I am the one who takes everything about you. I know you miss me well, and I will promise you that you won’t worry about it. Do you know that, together with your dad, I bought the carousel and placed it on your favorite beach, so that some children can have fun for free. Your dream of helping children with special needs, I always remember, I will help you complete every What you want to do. I looked at the children on the merry-go-round, and what I thought of was the scene when we rode the merry-go-round together for the first time. I will never forget your innocent smile, the smell on your body, and your soft voice.
Let me tell you, I don’t get up at half past five anymore. I have fallen asleep late recently and I started to run outdoors. The fragmented life is slowly pieced together with your memories. I promise you, I know you like to see What kind of me, I will live well, as well as you have been by my side, I believe that our fate will not end here. Thank you, you have taught me a lot, and taught me what life is and what love is. You have to know that no matter where you are, you will always stay in my heart, and I will always love you so much, love you like I did.
If everything can be done again, I still won't fix the refrigerator, because I like to see your little note when I come home, because I like your nagging look.
Yours always,
Davis.
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