When I watched the trailer, I thought it was about feelings, but after watching it, I realized that it was about life. Still moving, just not my intention.
I'm thinking of ending things, the os of the heroine at the beginning. "People stay in unhealthy relationships because it's easier. Basic physics. An object in motion tends to stay in motion. People tend to stay in relationships passed its expiration date. Newton's first law of emotion." Pull back a memory. Once on a trip, the surface is calm, and the voices that appear in my head from time to time. I can't help but keep wondering, isn't everything going well? Isn't that what you want? Then what are you doing with these BBs? Who are you and who am I?
However, turns out this is not the gist of the film, far from it. So when I saw the middle and back paragraphs, I felt very confused for a while. I wanted to say yes, so where is the point? I was amazed after watching it. At first, because "the goods are not on the right board", I thought it was a bit boring. But in the next few days, I thought of this film from time to time, some of the plot flashed back, and suddenly I had the desire to express again.
So I wanted to write this film. But I knew that all I could ever write was myself, what I experienced and felt. I don't know how much I missed this movie with my lack of experience.
My grandmother is getting older and her cognitive abilities have gradually deteriorated, and her perception of time and space has become increasingly confusing. In her memory, I still live in the last city. She no longer remembers urging me to get married, making the occasional phone call, and just repeating certain things over and over. She began to show an almost paranoid insistence on some things, and she could not change it despite persuasion, as if those things were her life. Reminds me of Shi Tiesheng's self-questioning, whether I live to write or write to live. We could barely get her to receive any new messages. She, or most of her, seemed stuck in a world of her own, stubbornly refusing to move on with us. In that world, it was a fragment of time and space that she remembered in her way.
I sometimes wonder, what will happen to me when I get old? Will I lose hearing or sight first? Can I age gracefully? Can I let go of the past? Or am I getting paranoid too? What am I obsessed with?
These so-called unforgettable things are nothing more than feelings that have never been digested in a lifetime, embarrassment, sadness, despair, and even those extremely happy moments. They seem to gain weight because of our obsessions, condense somewhere, and appear from time to time, making people caught off guard. It seems that it is because of them that I am who I am today—they define me. But also because of them, because of their weight, they dragged me, and I couldn't let go and could not be free.
The journey in the movie is a microcosm of the grandfather's life, many of which point directly to my deepest fears in life.
First, of course, is the loneliness that runs through. I especially like the poem that the heroine recited in the opening chapter, Bonedog. I'm very homely. If I have a choice, I can stay at home for the rest of my life. Every time I go out to meet people, I have to do psychological construction. Most of the time, it is self-consistent, but occasionally, the utter loneliness when I get home, accompanied by the chat and laughter of the roommate next door, her friends and the male ticket, is simply torture. And there is no solution to this problem. Going out and walking into the crowd can only gain a larger sense of loneliness. In the semester, it's actually fine. After all, in front of the deadline, loneliness can only stand aside, but when it's not so busy, loneliness always comes quietly as promised, and it's all-pervasive. Watching this movie this time, I saw a large number of verses and words quoted in it, which suddenly awakened the sentimental liberal arts student in my heart. I want to say that literature really warms people's hearts. Reading another person's loneliness is not a solution. But think again, math and statistics are also good. Those formulas and proofs promise you with a pat on the chest, whether you are alone or not, whether it is sunny or raining, whether others like you or not, as long as you use your heart, we will always be true to you. (Here I express the mathematics that I am very bad at but love very much
Then there is the inferiority complex. Those who are stuffed into basements, washing machines, one piece of inferiority with the logo of the school cleaner's uniform. You don't want people to see it, but the more you hide it, the more obvious they will find out. Whether others care or not is not the point, the point is that you are paranoid about your inferiority complex, firmly believe that you are inferior to others, and even you have tried hard to collect evidence, and successfully made your own flaws real.
In my memory, it was my girlfriend who always wanted to leave. Whether wearing a yellow or pink sweater, wearing a pearl necklace or not, wearing black or red glasses, yellow or blue scarf, painting or filming, wearing a red or blue coat, called Lucy Or Louisa's girls, none of them stayed. But is their departure the reason or the result of their inferiority complex? I feel more and more now, the power of the mind. For example, when doing yoga balancing poses, I often start to think, when will it fall? The moment this distracting thought came in, it really fell out of the pose. So is it because I really didn't have the ability to balance for so long, so I fell, or because I doubted myself?
With the idea of being inferior to others, you will unconsciously show shyness and unnaturalness in contact with people, and the other party may also feel uncomfortable, communicate unhappy, and will not take the initiative to approach, so you further feel that you are performing poorly, and so on and so forth, Stuck in an infinite loop. At the same time, the so-called inferiority complex is essentially derived from your unconscious value judgment. If you feel that you are inferior to others, it is almost certain that when facing another group of people, the same value judgment will make you feel arrogant and feel that they are all No and I can too. So when you are inferior, you feel that you are not worthy of being compared with others to waste their time, and when you are arrogant, you feel that they are not worth it. Over time, he became lonely. When you realize how ridiculously inferior and arrogant you are, it's horrible how can I do this. So you start to pay attention to every word you say. Is that the right way to say it? Is it too self-effacing or self-pity, or too Versailles? What will others think? Occasionally remembering what I said and did in the past, I am infinitely ashamed. At the same time, in various situations, I still cannot stop the value judgment of the automatic mode in the subconscious. So simply don't speak, just be silent, silence is golden, talk less and make mistakes. So low self-esteem and loneliness hand in hand become good friends, low self-esteem makes you more lonely, and often low self-esteem under loneliness. In fact, there are so many BBs, most of which may not have anything to do with the movie, but only about myself.
Then there are the embarrassingly loving parents. The embarrassing part I can't feel the same way, but the community of destiny between the two generations formed by the ties of blood, unconditional support and love for each other, and the gradual aging of parents are also what I often think of. I make a phone call with my mother every day. The semester is usually short. Recently, I have a vacation, and I can chat for an hour a day. While I was cooking, she usually did the housework. In fact, the topics that can be discussed are often very different. It's nothing more than that, I told her a lot of things about the school that was actually very unfamiliar to her, whether it was classes, applications, academia, exams, etc., all kinds of things, it was another world for her. She would patiently listen to my long-winded talk, and give me some comments from time to time; then she would tell me a lot about things at home, what new appliances were replaced, what went wrong, how are relatives, how are they doing? The thing is, if it starts and develops step by step, what will she think, so I listen to her patiently and ask questions. Even in these completely unrelated things, often I can see a shadow of myself. The older I get, the more I see my parents in my character. Whether it’s a good quality or a quality that I don’t like that much, when you see the connection, you will feel a little relieved, and feel that this huge world is not just me, I came from there. When I hung up the phone one day, I felt very grateful to her for chatting with me for so long, but instead she half-jokingly said, thank you for giving me so much time today. It suddenly dawned on me that we were actually in company with each other, like two lonely people, grabbing each other's unconditional love and leaning on a little.
Jake wants the attention of others, and who doesn't? Who doesn't want the approval and respect of others. The dialogue in the memory fragment, whether it happened or not, can be seen that the grandfather draws, reads, is a sensitive person, and hopes to be treated gently by others. And no matter how rich his inner world is, his daily life is just a fat man cleaning the house alone. This combination is extremely uncomfortable. How is he, slowly put away his inner expectations, take over the indifferent or even disdainful eyes of others, and live mechanically day after day. But the world is cruel and ruthless, just like the pig whose lower body was eaten raw by maggots, sober, in pain, after the last days. Before the old grandpa left, he was recognized by everyone and sang his favorite Oklahoma in the limelight. So in the end, do you still have to be recognized by the outside world to get your own peace? Should be happy or sad.
In the fragments of memory, Jake proposed to buy a sweet ice cream, but after taking a few bites, he felt it was too sweet, and then insisted on throwing away the sticky ice cream that was melting in the car. Grandpa, is it also like this, while being indulged in the double comfort of sweet ice cream for the heart and stomach, at the same time, I hate my fat body? Everyone, will there be some things that they don't like but can't control? Smoking, drinking, being mean, overeating, being selfish... these are either what I saw or my own. I don't know what I want to say, but sometimes, I realize that I am doing something that I despise, but I still go my own way, and it is hard to do or not to do it.
In the middle of the movie, "people like to think of themselves as points, moving through time, but I think it's the opposite. We are stationary, and time passes through us, blowing like cold wind." Thinking of the podcast I listened to recently, I would say , In fact, consciousness itself is timeless, unborn and undying. From the perspective of everyone's first person view, in fact, you never go to other things, you never move, the whole world passes by you. I can't see the depth of this yet.
20201218 update
I watched the director's google talk, but I haven't finished it yet, just remember some details
1. It is because the whole story is thought up in one's own mind, so many shots are handled as if the shots precede the characters, and it seems that the shots know what to do next. I remember when the two first arrived at their parents' house, the camera moved to the living room first, then the two came in, and then the camera shot to the gramophone, the male lead asked the female lead not to listen to music,
View more about I'm Thinking of Ending Things reviews
