"fuck I don't wanna be Frank" / Zhi Yao
We were at the beach and keyboardist Lucas had another argument with Clara and another suicide attempt. We just found this red-haired boy on the beach.
At night, he walks onto the stage and looks like a rabbit swimming out of a fish pond, a crocodile pond. It was the first time I had actually seen him, the instrument was out of order, my band had a grumpy strike, and I was on stage with him. I stared at the red-haired boy, the common man, who was as clueless as I was. Pretty soon Clara took me off the stage, like everything was going as she expected.
Except for this normal person, or rather normal person, this red-haired boy. He doesn't seem like someone with some kind of experimental musical talent, which is what makes him particularly attractive to me, and I said to Don, I want this passionate boy to be our keyboard player, he makes me kind of cherish , a perishable feeling. Don laughed at me and said that anyone can do it. I know, I can't do it, at least I can't do it under the mask.
Don tricked the boy into bringing the band, saying it was just an important gig in Ireland. He will meet us at 5:00 in the Calket lane service area. The boy, Jhon, awkwardly squeezed into our van, struck up a conversation, and received no response.
This is the first "normal" guy in my band.
We passed the level and came to Vetno the next day, where we were recording the album the rest of the day.
Every day here, we're on the hills, by the river, in between the beats of the sticks to catch the sound I want. We rehearse and I occasionally lock myself up for inspiration until someone says "Frank, it's been a long time since you've eaten." I lead my band in rehearsal and I want to take them to find their great music.
I observe the world and find inspiration in every object. I am trying to find a way and regularity to play that is different from traditional instruments and notes. Others call me a musical genius, but I am more like a musical lunatic. Jhon I was talking in the house all the time, we talked about music, we talked about Don, we talked about my mask. Suddenly he said he would write songs too, just like he did in our band uninvited. He played his own music, which honestly sucks. When he saw me writing a song, he couldn't help but praise him, it was the first time he said I should be famous, I should be known, I don't know how attractive famous is to me at the moment, but it will make Clara not Wyatt. I don't know how long the album has been recorded, it may be a year, it may be a few months, I want to find the music I want, I want to immerse myself in this place, be with these people, lead these people together.
Don still left, this is not the first time he committed suicide, but this time I failed to stop him, he is a musical man, but he wants to be Frank too much, he fantasizes himself as another Frank, and dolls Having sex, hanging myself with my mask on, he seems to want to be Frank when he dies, haha, some people want to be Frank when they die, some people try to take off the mask.
Jhon In an emergency, we took on the daily expenses of the band. Jhon took us to the social network and was invited to the North by Northwest Music Festival. This boy can take us to face the world, and everything seems to be developing in a certain way. But why am I still uneasy.
We walked through the desert and I sprinkled Don's ashes there, he said it was his favorite place, I said I knew he was homesick, he's the best keyboard player I've ever seen, I'll see him To the thousands of fans who adore us. But we got the wrong jar and Jhon was scattered in the desert with the protein powder.
Once again in Texas I was forced to face the crowd, warm and lively, when I knew they didn't really love us.
Jhon said we want to be liked, Jhon said we're not famous enough, I've been avoiding this mainstream for too long, I want to make some changes, I want to be liked, I want fans to love me, I worked hard to make changes. I asked Jhon to modify my music to make it mundane, universal, and more loveable. I praise him.
I want to change myself in the same way, but Frank is not the one to be loved by everyone. The fear didn't change, I escaped from the hotel and hid myself in a corner like when I was fourteen when I stuffed myself into a mask. Clara found me, she told me to leave with her, she kept kissing me, the closer she got to me the more I wanted to escape our Vetno.
Clara was arrested and she stabbed Jhon. Baraque and Nana left. I accompany Jhon on stage, I don't know how to face the audience, maybe they like women's clothes, but I'm too nervous. This farce came to an end as I passed out and defected. Jhon's music is a piece of shit, I told him the truth anyway.
Mom said I was born with a genius, but I couldn't tell if he was bred with my fears. I haven't taken it off in years and came home the other day and I think what happened at the festival was a real horror. Facing the flow of people, facing the media, and facing the explosive spread of videos and news.
I can't go on as Frank. If you have to take off your mask, you can only stay at home.
The original vision and smell, I have not had such a clear sensory experience for many years. The mask has always kept me away from this world, these people are far away, in other words, he has protected me very well. I haven't spoken for many days, but I haven't given up observation, or judgement, a slow tree, a bird, silence is the only thing I can do now. I haven't eaten normal food for a long time. When I was living in a mask, I only sucked some liquid food through a straw, so I missed the taste of bacon so much.
It was all over and I was back to being that socially incapacitated communicator. I thought so. But Jhon found me anyway and he told me he was sorry, he ruined everything. Actually, I'd love to say that I screwed everything up from the start. I've tried, how ordinary it is to blend in, but I can't.
I don't want to call myself a genius or something, I'm just a weirdo, Jhon and I have always been unable to understand each other, the reason we can't get along is the reason I've never been accepted by the world. What I want from Jhon is the opportunity to not have to escape from reality. What Jhon wants from me is the musical talent he never had. We all failed.
I'm still me under the mask of frank, sensitive and thoughtful, but I'm no longer like a weird and eccentric music leader.
No one can deny Frank's charm, I'm convinced.
I found my mates again, they were singing in a dark speakeasy, standing in front of them, I didn't seem so helpless, I loved them, I kept saying. I haven't written a song for a long time, but at that moment, thousands of words came to my lips.
I'm Frank, this is my lamentation for me, our lamentation, and I love them as much as I love myself.
Some are desperate to take off their masks, others are eager to die. I can't figure out how to get the world to love me now, maybe they don't want to know about my music. They were just curious about this masked monster, the deformed child of this world. The ridicule spreads far more than love and pain, and the funny thing is that my tragedy is the butt of others.
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