§ When "Papa Papa" became a face-slapped sound
film "How to Be Single", the plot started from when the heroine Alice was graduating, she mentioned to her boyfriend Josh that "separate temporarily and find myself." The request unfolds.
Alice didn’t want to break up, but wanted to catch her breath. In a series of four-year, day-to-day life they had been dating for a little bit of life, it was like a bachelor party before marriage. Nostalgia, walked into a longer two-person world.
But just like the cosmic theorem that "humanity can't stand the test", Alice was in the flashy New York, lingering in bed and under the bed with various men, she found that she still needed to embrace the emotional body, so she decided to end the separation. Requests for a while. But the day is not what people want. Josh started to fall in love with other people during the internship. Alice, who originally seemed to dominate the relationship, suddenly became the product of rash decision.
When Alice continued to live with the pain after breaking up, looking for the Mr. Right in her life, but it seemed that everyone who felt right was not what she wanted in the end.
Colleague Luo Ping, the navigator who started life in New York for Alice. The relationship between them has changed from being a good girlfriend, and with Alice's emotional setbacks, it has become the object of Alice's accusation. She attributed the loss of control of her originally stable emotional life to the bad influence of Luo Ping's values of playing coffee on her.
However, at the moment of tearing her face on the spot, Luo Ping told Alice the truth, telling her that she had fallen into the quagmire of "chicken quicksand". Then, when she almost rolled on the sheets with her ex-boyfriend and became a junior, Alice remembered Luo Ping's words, and she suddenly realized that she had indeed been trapped in some sort of quicksand for a long time: "Once you associate, you lose yourself and become the partner of the other party. Pin.”
Is this someone else’s fault? Rather, Alice is too accustomed to this way of communication, giving everything she has to the other party, except for her "true self."
§ What is the "true self"
Alice has not given herself enough space and time to find what she said "self", until she really stopped her idea of "looking for the next good man", she had no time to self-aware.
Self-awareness prevents her from blaming herself too much, because when she blames herself, the focus is on the failure of the relationship, and she does not find that she has lived in the relationship.
At the same time, she stopped blaming others for no reason, just as she finally apologized to Luo Ping, because instead of saying that she was affected by Luo Ping, it was better to say that she had made some attempts with Luo Ping that she had not dared to do, but the results were not as good as expected. Ping is always sincere and never deceived her. But Alice herself "deceived" many people, including herself, because she didn't dare to be herself.
When we continue to be in various relationships, never truly "return to single", return to a "one person" life, and we do not keep a distance from the relationships and life patterns we are familiar with in the past, we cannot start a true journey of return. Return to the beginning of life and meet the innocent and fearless self.
Then with the purest self, re-recognize our world.
§ Do you see raindrops, or diamonds.
Zhang Ailing said, "The vagina leads to a woman's heart." American psychologist Rollo. Rollo May believes that the key to true love lies in everyone's true
self , and points out that love has the following characteristics: 1. It is based on human freedom.
2. The sincere joy of realizing the value of existence.
3. Empathy to put yourself in place.
4. Love requires courage.
5. The most complete love is based on the complete creativity of "becoming a person who is what it is" through interdependence.
For example, Rollo. Mei mentioned a case in the book:
Karen was originally troubled by obesity, saying: "Food is my guarantee of all comfort", "I often drive around the city, swallowing anger, guilt and hurt─ ─Until everything else becomes unimportant." Despite many attempts, she still couldn't really do anything about weight loss.
To change a person out of negative pain, the inner problems that need to be unearthed are far deeper than the regular life and the physical body seen externally. Rollomey believes that this must allow the talker to "enter a process of deep self-reflection" and "recognize who they are in essence and where they are heading", so as to make them fundamentally change.
This is from the curse of "living in anger" or using negative emotions to prove that you are alive, to the most primitive and energetic free state, just "I am alive."
This includes two meanings: living for oneself, simple and unburdened living.
In the case, Karen was finally able to see beauty, joy and satisfaction in the seemingly ordinary world, no longer seeing anger, guilt and hurt. It's like after three and a half years of meditation treatment, Karen describes that "ordinary" day: "At work last week, I saw some bare oak trees covered with raindrops. I knew they were just a few raindrops on bare trees. , But in my opinion they are like diamonds.” In
contrast movies, Carl from "Yes Man", Lin Yaoguo from "Men Forty", Luo Ping from "Singles Guide", and Alice after rebirth, Regardless of external conditions, they enjoy themselves in the life of their choice on the path of self-identification.
§ David. Bowie does not need to be the pope; the pope does not need to be David.
Some people in Bowie have lost love. It happened long before we broke up. We have already empathized with each other, but we just don't want to admit it. We barely maintain the relationship, false orgasms again and again in the space of no love, and then we eat the emptiness in our heart alone.
Some people are still indulged in one person's love even after breaking up. He was reluctant to leave, reluctant to discard the memories and physical objects in his mind. When the other person is no longer there, he has to constantly drill into the memory, because there is only evidence of that person's existence in the memory. What's more, if he can't get enough satisfaction in his memories, he seeks from his imagination and finds the shadow of his ex in others.
Whether it is separation from others, playing with the world, or practicing post-marital sex, the point is whether we recognize ourselves and are willing to pay the price of achieving "self-fulfillment" (self-fulfillment). Just as CNN and BBC reported on the high divorce rate of the "post-war baby boom" generation and the increasing divorce rate of the elderly, research shows that one of the reasons is that people in this generation are more willing to pursue emotional and sexual happiness, and Fulfill your dreams.
I am reminded of a proverb: (. It's better to walk alone, than with a crowd going in the wrong direction) ". Prefer to walk alone, than to follow blindly"
follow nothing wrong, we all need a mentor, but we must be careful Choose that life mentor. Just as "willing to give" in a relationship is true, but you have to pick the right person, otherwise it will become an abusive sentiment.
Alice’s sister Meg, who had devoted all her life to her career after her ex-boyfriend had secretly eaten and broke up, broke her promise and began to fall in love with the child in her belly.
Or like Luo Ping, she just likes passion, romance and irresponsible relationships.
Also like Lucy, she originally believed in the importance of choosing a mate, but in the end she chose to break the antagonism of the past and welcome unexpected surprises.
Breaking up or other separation topics are just the rest of life. It is necessary to complete the whole movement of life, but it is not the main element. But first you have to be really willing to endure the pain of separation, instead of forgetting to let go for pain relief and always rushing to talk about the next relationship.
For many moments in life, we live alone, so love is more like an accompaniment to life. If we lack an independent personality as the main melody, we will be kidnapped by others (foreign objects) in our entire life, and we will lose ourselves, and Use the comfort and courage to live with yourself.
[Explanation] Lost in love, start from truly regaining singleness; independence, start from learning to enjoy being single.
ps "Single Guide" has no dew point, no props, and no overbearing president, but the sex scene is more erotic and appealing than "Fifty Shades of Grey". I heard that Gray is going to make a sequel, so let's change the director.
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