Text: Psychological Public Number: Love Comparison
We all know that the "spare tire" is a very sad existence in the world, but what is even sadder than this is that for all those who break up with you, the next lover must be true love. The actor "Chuck" in the comedy "Lucky Cook" is such a hapless hero.
Chuck's misfortune is said to have started with a classmate he once offended. The girl from a wizarding family cursed him: "All girls who date you will break up with you and their next boyfriend will be their true love". More than ten years later, Chuck has become a suave doctor, but what makes him more and more panic is that the little witch's curse seems to be fulfilled: no matter how hard he tries, his girlfriends will leave him, The girls soon met their rightful sons. What's more embarrassing is that all kinds of girls looking for true love are rushing to Chuck. When Chuck really met a girl he really liked, but because he was too afraid of losing the other person's love too hard, he almost scare her away...
The magic of self-fulfilling prophecy is
in psychology, we usually will Use "self-fulfilling prophecy" to explain such tragic experiences. In life, we act according to the prophecies of others or ourselves about our own words and actions, and in the end, words really come true. And postmodern psychotherapy theories point out that objective reality is unimportant, and our subjective beliefs shape the so-called reality. For example, Chuck's belief is that he will not be his girlfriend's true love, and that there will always be someone who is better than himself and who loves her more. Because of this belief, Chuck is inevitably more restrained and "unconcerned" in love. More importantly, he was afraid to express his love, and he was afraid of the frustration caused by broken love. So in the movie, you can find Chuck having a hard time saying "I love you". However, the fact is that love is like a compulsory course in life. We need to learn and make mistakes to grow up, but mistakes and setbacks do not mean that you are bad as a whole.
Find the reason rather than find the method
In a relationship, many people have been like Chuck, constantly emphasizing their own problems, such as "I'm just too controlling" "I've been in a relationship for more than three months, and it will definitely be annoying" "Every time we start a fight, I knew it was going to break up"...what are you doing when you look for the so-called "reason" like this? In fact, it is very likely to strengthen the rationality of these reasons. No matter how many psychology books you read, even if you trace the root of the problem back to your own diaper days, the problem is still unsolved. This kind of tracing back to the source only gives most people a sense of "insight" and a sense of relief. It seems that these mistakes are not our business, and parents or grandparents should be responsible for them. Like our tragic protagonist Chuck, some people have always attributed their failure to love to that "curse", and even feel powerless to escape their fate. Perhaps, what we should really reflect on is who cast what kind of spell on us? Is it a witch? Or...ourselves? When you look at the problem from your own perspective, it may be time to dismantle the spell.
There are many magic weapons for dismantling the spell, one of which is to only treat the problem as a problem, not to deny a person completely because of a problem. When we say, "I'm just too controlling" or "I have a lot of problems," we think of ourselves as the problem itself. In fact, there is nothing wrong with you, it's just that you are encountering a problem in your relationship now. If we can look at it this way, we can hope to find a solution to this problem. This is also known as the "problem externalizing" technique in psychotherapy.
On the other hand, it is also important to be self-aware in a relationship, but the purpose of analyzing why is for change, not for explanation or excuse. In fact, the more important thing is to find a solution. Therefore, it is much better to ask yourself, "I have encountered this problem now, what can I do to solve it" rather than obsessively seeking the root cause of the problem.
At the end of the film, Chuck realizes that his own ideas are the real source of his love curse, and it is his own actions that make these girls slip away from him. Ideas influence behavior, and it’s only possible to go further when we become aware of our misconceptions. May this comedy bring you joy while also seeing our own curse.
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