if ,
if you are still attached to this life,
I will make another wish
to have a marriage with you in the next life
. I don't know why. For a long time, the dream is always the past time + the present me, there is not much color, sometimes even no color, monotonous and barren but warm and fortunate, a beautiful dream. So I thought, this is a consensus between me and the subconscious: the past days seem to be happier. But when you wake up from the dream, it's as if you stood on the plateau and listened to the song of Chu in your hometown in ecstasy, but suddenly found that the song came from Hanying. In addition, I was worried that I would fall into the mental rut of adult nostalgia, so I always leaned against the back of the bed when I woke up from a dream, with some fear, cowardice and sadness, and said aftertaste: Damn.
On the evening of the second day after the rain this summer, I went back to the playground shared by Guanzhong Academy and my primary school by myself. The playground has been deserted for several years, and vines that are as tall as people have grown.
It was like Sun Shaoping, who had been in the city for a long time, returned to the cave where he lived in high school;
I was eliminated in the trials here, and was not selected for the main lineup of the school football team, and then cried in front of the physical education teacher, but because the former transferred school, And I dared to fly and throw the ball, and I became the main goalkeeper of the school team.
I lost a relay race here to a tall girl, the first girl I liked. She later went to Canada and then moved to Shanghai.
I once showed off my Puma rubber-soled football boots to Wang Dayu here. Wang Dayu said that when I put on the shoes, I kicked the ball like a cannonball, but he still became the captain of the team, even though he played mediocrely. Now his name is Daniel Wang, and his family of three lives in Melbourne, Australia.
I was stopped here by Liu Hang, and after the argument, he pressed him to the ground and beat him. I didn’t even dare to admit that I really fought back. I just remember when I lay on the ground with my bloody nose on my back and watched Liu Hang leave the playground. 's back. Later, I heard that he became a model, and I heard that he was in prison, but I always thought, he should become a policeman, after all, his father is a policeman who is respected by everyone in the alley.
The deeper you go, the denser and taller the vines will be. From time to time, a flock of frightened birds will appear in the grass garden, telling you that no one has been here for a long time. Then shortly after, the birds flew back and landed in a place not far away, out of sight.
I'm even starting to worry about a grass snake coming up to your feet - it's really hard to imagine this being the case in the city.
I once stood on the streets of Rome in the evening and saw tens of thousands of birds flying and circling in the air, changing their outlines like a childhood Barbapapa, but magically they would not collide with each other. I looked up at them until the sky was red, until they were so dense that they covered the setting sun and the silky crescent moon. I thought they must be the souls of the city's past. Each sparrow has a spirit attached to it. They don't want to leave, and they never leave, because they don't die.
Every time I hear people say dying, I wonder: death, such an instant verb, why does it keep saying that it is dying? I remember the teacher explained that you understand it as "death", but I can't understand what a dying is. Later, I thought, living and dying are actually the same word, and the Chinese interpretation is: life. These two words do not matter, the former can be negative, the latter can also be positive - for example, when you become a Uxbal and have only one spring life, what will you do and who will you be with?
It was an early morning in the second grade of elementary school, where the sky was still dark and there was heavy snow. I was walking alone in a deserted alley at five o'clock in the morning. There are countless floating people with warm hearts, and the old people I love are among them, watching you quietly. They give you courage when you are in pain. Now I don't quite believe in myself at that moment, I feel that it shouldn't be true, but I'm still waiting for that moment to reappear. Like Uxbal meeting a smiling father in the snow. The young and handsome father imitated the sound of the waves and the strong wind for his old son, and the son smiled contentedly.
You can call it a near-death experience, or you can understand it as a psychic, and I long for the unspeakable power of Uxbal. But it's delusional, even if I sacrifice the healthiest years of my life -- I'd come for a moment to sit quietly with someone I love, share a thing, listen to a voice. This is what I should do when I live in the impetuous world full of bloodstains and lies, the kind of trusting, subtle and profound communication and understanding between people. Yes, when I love you, with you, I will have no regrets in this life. Because I don't know if you and I can be reunited, and even if I can, I may still be vulgar and mean and become a villain.
If Uxbal could start over, would he choose to start over? Would he prefer to be a child who wrote beautiful and wrong poems, or a father who lived a heavy and painful life but was still as strong as a tree? ...
I suddenly remembered that it was here, on the playground below this meadow, that my father taught me to ride a bicycle. When I was 10 years old, all kinds of creatures were flying densely above the Bell Tower and the Drum Tower.
The swallows and owls in the city disappeared when I became an adult. I hold an old guitar, and I can no longer play the rhythm that I forgot in my heart. My city was also taken away by them floating in the air when I began to sharpen my head to deceive others.
Now there is only a field of wild grassland and this fleeting year that no one cares about.
Oh shit.
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