I really like Cage's films, especially his feature films, but I didn't expect this one to fall. After 20 years, I saw this film, with mixed flavors, only sighs, and God's will, because we won't have experience Opportunity. On this rainy night, I just want to write my own story and let go of my obsession.
In 2000, I met her in an ordinary high school in a provincial capital city. We had just arrived in a new environment, and she was my first chat partner after sitting in the back. After that, we had our own circle and stopped looking for her. Chatting, I matured relatively late at that time, and everything was ignorant. I don’t know when I started writing letters to her, chatting about games between buddies, reading books, and chatting about history and politics, but I didn’t have feelings. At that time, she, who was inferior and introverted, seemed willing to share her heart with me in the letter, so we wrote letters intermittently for three years until the college entrance examination. Not surprisingly, I fell off the list, and the perverted mathematics that year also prevented her from getting into the university she wanted Repeated reading, so we became classmates again, and became the front and back desks. The huge pressure of the senior year made us not have time to write letters, and even did not have any communication at school. Only every weekend, she would tacitly occupy a seat for me in the provincial library, and it was still very quiet. On December 28, 2003, when I came out of the library, I had the courage to hold her hand. At that moment, I was very flustered and at the same time very at ease. The sweat in my palms betrayed our apparent calmness, but we were unwilling to part. . From that day on, I started to be afraid, afraid that I would not be able to go to university, and that I would part ways with her because of this. At school, I became more silent, and I only wrote down my thoughts about her in my diary at three in the morning every day. That was the happiest moment of my day. In the early morning of June 9th, I didn't want to wait for the moment when I finished the evaluation. I came downstairs to her house and confessed to her. On June 10th, "The Day After Tomorrow" was released. I kissed her for the first time in the theater. That summer, the beauty was like a fairy tale. After the notice, we are not in one school, but the two schools are not far away. We entered the university with all our hopes and aspirations.
Unexpectedly, university is just the beginning. We gradually formed our own cognition and values in the school, and we began to have endless topics to talk about and endless phone calls. I remember our longest phone call was 847 minutes. Countless confrontations have deepened my feelings, but her rationality and self-discipline have overwhelmed me, and she has become more and more like a crying child in front of her. At that time, we didn't find this time bomb hidden in the honeypot, and we spent four years like glue like this. All our friends thought that we would eventually enter the palace of marriage.
After graduation, she chose to go abroad, and I chose to go to Shenzhen to work hard. We made an appointment to get married when she returned from her studies. Maybe the distance makes people rational. After we separated, we started to quarrel more and more. I couldn't stand her strength more and more, and she was unwilling to give in at all. Until one day, I told her about the housing prices in Shenzhen. It's cheap now, we bought a wedding set, and she told me that our personalities were not suitable and we would not get married. My years of anticipation were suddenly dashed at that moment, and after two months of the Cold War, I broke up with her. In the Spring Festival of 10 years, we met after we broke up for four months. All our thoughts, resentments, and anger turned into sweat on each other. With her in my arms, I asked her again, let’s get married, but wait The answer is still, we are not suitable for marriage, I am willing to be your lover for life. After the New Year, she flew to her Canberra, and I flew to my Shenzhen. The moment she left the airport, the bracelet she gave suddenly fell apart. Looking at the scattered beads on the floor, tears could not stop flowing down. I felt that we could not get married. Later, I lost a lot of contact, but I still often dream of her, and many words came to my lips but could not be said. Later, I met my wife, who was equally strong, but gentle in front of me.
During the Spring Festival of 2012, I called her to tell her that I was going to get married. I was silent for a long time, and all I heard was each other's cries. Finally, she asked me in a choked voice, "We agreed to be lovers for life, right?" Answering, "Yes. We'll be lovers for life." After that, she deleted all our communications and never got in touch again.
After marriage, my wife and I came to her hometown. We have a home in this small county town. With two lovely daughters, I have truly become a family man, taking care of children, cooking, walking the dog, and seems to struggle. Dreams, and the big city with festivities have nothing to do with me. The only habit left is that I can still dream of her often. And she learned from a friend that she had returned to China, entered one of the three major accounting firms, found a man who matched her, and had a daughter.
Our layers of life are as completely incompatible as Jack's two experiences. A lot of times I think about what choice I made, right or wrong. Every time I wake up from a dream, I can't calm down for a long time, and when I see my daughter and sleeping wife in my arms, my inner anxiety disappears instantly.
People, there are always regrets, but even if you are given the opportunity to start over, it may not be perfect. Don't try to find the lost past, because it will make you lose what you have now, and don't be silent in the annoyed knot, unable to extricate yourself. It just keeps you stagnant. It doesn't matter what you choose, even if you are wrong, you will walk out of a different landscape. What you miss may not be all regrets. God will not make you feel better or sad. Anyway, so be it, as long as I keep going.
8/1/20 Write to yourself
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