Because of Zhenai's second pregnancy, the school had to persuade her to drop out, recommending her to go to a "one-to-one" special education school (apparently the American education system has not completely abandoned these "problem teenagers" from troubled families). There, Zhen Ai's life began to take a turn. She met a caring female teacher, Miss Yu, and a group of "problem girls" classmates. The care and support from the society made Zhen Ai break away from her hellish family.
In this film , we see that most of the hurt that Cherish suffers comes from the family, her family is her hell. This subverts the usual concept of family, whether in the East or the West, "family" and "parents" are almost The pronoun of "love". So when Zhenai was found to be infected with AIDS and couldn't write a word in class, she was the one who accused "love": "Love has never done anything for me, love has broken down. I, love raped me and made me feel worthless. Obviously, Zhen Ai's understanding of the connotation of the concept of "love" is wrong. What she describes is essentially her family impression, her impression of her parents. Her father was saying "Dad loves you" when he raped her. .
It can be seen how easily people are bound by conventional concepts and cannot get out. Just like a dog, how the owner abuses it is a manifestation of "love" in its view. It’s okay for a dog to think like this, after all, it’s a beast, and its spirituality is dizzy, but there are also some people who think the same way. When I was a child, my sister once commented on cats and dogs with me, and she said with an admiring tone: "The dog is very loyal, and no matter how poor the owner is, it will stay with the owner", and said with a disgusted expression "The cat is a traitor and dislikes it. The poor love the rich, whoever has something delicious to go to.” I was very young at that time, and was in the stage of blind obedience to my sister (she was three years older than me), although I was moved by the dog’s loyalty, but I also vaguely felt that the cat Smarter and their choices are understandable.
One kind of thought leads to one kind of behavior. Based on this kind of thought, my sister is always willful towards the "family" and often loses her temper. It can be said that she does whatever she wants, scolds whatever she wants, she thinks the family should be hers "Punching bag", you should love and accept her unconditionally. So later, after hitting a nail with me, she said sadly, "No matter what Dad (referring to my dad) does to me, I still love him." Although my father is a decent person, he has a rough personality and often beats and scolds his children. The implication is that she expects me to also believe in her "Holy Family Philosophy" - which, in my opinion, is actually "The Philosophy of Dogs": that a person should be loyal to his family, no matter how bad the family is, no matter how bad the family is. Unbearable, even if the relationship between members of this family is full of tension and anger, resentment is far more than love - the "love" established by psychologically immature people is usually just "hungry ghost love".
This is the deceptiveness of the notion that "family = love, family = love". The Chinese are especially strong in this type of notion.
Two days ago, I inquired about "battered women's syndrome", and an article mentioned a case. It was said that a woman suffered from domestic violence for a long time, and she was even blinded in one eye by her husband, and the court was not ready to sentence her. I guess the judge's elm wood is also in the mind of "clean officials can't break housework" and the concept of "family sanctity".
The reason why I wanted to inquire about "battered women's syndrome" is because I suddenly remembered some childhood memories. When I was a child, there lived a Mongolian family near my house. Pretty, fair-skinned, big-eyed, and good at school, but in tatters. There seemed to be two younger brothers and sisters under Haas, who were as smart and beautiful as their sister but in rags because they were neglected. Their mothers were "crazy," people thought at the time. Haas's mother was a thin, always unkempt, ragged, and expressionless mother roaming the streets. . She has a beautiful face and is said to have been a primary school teacher. The reason for her madness was her long-term abuse by her husband. I heard that Haas's dad beat her a lot, and he beat her very hard. My dad even saw it once. In a public place, this husband kicked his wife down violently, and then he punched and kicked her, even my dad. Unable to watch it, he stepped forward to dissuade him. I have also seen this man. He is tall, wearing a leather jacket, neatly dressed and decently dressed. He also looks normal, and there is nothing particularly evil. But such a normal-looking man has created a tragic family. His wife and children always look so pitiful. How do they usually live? What keeps such a family together? I don't know, but it's certainly not held together by "love". Only after learning Buddhism did I realize that a family is maintained by karmic karma, and such a family is obviously bound together by bad karma.
In China, some people rescue stray cats and dogs, but they are unable to rescue abused children who are used as begging props. The Women's Federation says they are "powerless." The stereotyped notion of what she owns”, which is similar to the notion of the cherished illiterate mother Mary, when the female social worker accused her of allowing her husband to violate her daughter, she retorted with confidence: “They ( Cherish and her children) belong to me, don't they?" She always considered her descendants to be her private property and at her disposal. In fact, she hopes that Zhen Ai and the child will move back to live with her for the purpose of cheating on the dole, and to have someone who can be abused at will, to vent all her anger at her failed life.
The only lucky thing for Cherish is that she was born in the United States, and there is a relatively complete social assistance system to help her. In a civilized society, when a citizen is born, he or she already has an independent personality, she does not belong to anyone, her parents can be her guardians but not her owners. When the so-called guardian becomes the abuser, it should be strongly intervened by social institutions and people outside the family, because such a family is not a normal family, and such "flesh and blood" is worse than separation.
In response to Zhen Ai's reflection on "love", Miss Yu said: "This is not true love". Indeed, I have always believed that family is not necessarily the source of "true love," or the only source. It can sometimes be walled hell. Such as "cherish", to Haas' mother.
In fact, the real love that Zhen Ai received—warmth and care—all came from society, from people outside the family: the female teacher who recommended her to the special education school, the charismatic and caring Miss Yu, the second childbirth of Zhen Ai and the hospitalization The male nurse at the time, and her classmates who looked bohemian and misbehaving—they gave her camaraderie and sympathy. . .
This is the "love is the answer to everything" that Woody Allen has been mocking. I don’t think he should laugh like that, but the premise is to be good at identifying true love. True love is not based on family. If there is true love, we will not be indifferent, we will not sit idly by the suffering of others, or use various excuses to Those in distress stand by and watch.
In her diary, Zhen Ai wrote: "Some people once lived in a tunnel where their only light was the light within themselves, and long after they escaped from that tunnel, they still illuminated others around them. "
Written in 2011
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