"In the past eight months, waking up has been a painful thing."
Don't have to describe it deliberately, just treat the reality as before, just suffocation, loneliness, suffocation, loneliness...
The clock that is always present reminds every passing time , painful time, difficult time, slow down everything around you. Every time I kiss my lover's corpse in a dream, waking up can only be painful. Well, learn to wake up alone, eat breakfast alone, alone... Enough! Lonely! Indescribable, right? The sweetness of 16 years vanished in an instant, instead of facing the blue-gray day, it was better to face the blue-gray loneliness, like blue-black ink, the bright red blood flowed and solidified - and we didn't see it At that moment, I was just in a dream, and I kept thinking about it, and then excluded all the bright memories.
The endless discussions in the neighborhood were completely unnecessary to ignore, but they were all the more jarring this morning. The world in the 1960s was full of nuclear shadows. Is the world also lonely? Everyone's face is full of strange eyes, what are they thinking? In the space where debauchery and conservatism are intertwined, we clearly see the desire in everyone's eyes, but we still find a clear loneliness - loneliness everywhere, like a constant clock, hatred and pain, filled with the previous time of time. The second and the next second, and this second, is still lonely. Of course, that wasn't the case 16 years ago, when life could only turn grey, and even the least caring things kept disrupting life.
The clock is still going... dammit! Is this an urge to die, or to stop grief? In a trance, what you need at this time is not comfort, because no one can comfort you, because the world is full of minorities, every minority has its own life, they have not broken through the barriers of human nature, that is the most stupid beauty of well-meaning people Fantasy... fantasy, yes, fantasy, fantasy every beautiful person ripples in their hearts, and then tells them: "I'm fine." The next second, it's still gray. Thoughts of evil and non-desire keep diluting the struggle of reason, stop, and the worst solution is still bitter pill after pill, and a revolver that never reloads.
Occasionally, bright colors can be brought into reality, but unfortunately, it is just a memory. Those people and things that evoke a burst of desire are just passing through life. Eyes, eyebrows, lips are all the smallest parts. It is precisely because of the details of memories that are embedded in every pore of the body, filled with the bits and pieces of life, but unfortunately they are all mistakes. Clocks, ubiquitous time, always bring people into time and space that should not be misplaced: under the bright sunset, a Spanish male prostitute is recalling his American dream, he fantasizes that he can have a life under the spotlight, In reality, he can only look at the wrinkled $10 after a night of passion. The funny thing is that when he recalled all this, he did not forget to be annoyed that he could not make a deal; under the bright light, the single woman was just I hope that the man she has been waiting for for many years can change her mind. The funny thing is that when she cried to the romantic candlelight, the man was still talking about her lover. She imagined that she could replace the man who had been in his heart for 16 years. , just to appease his blue-gray heart, of course, all of this only exists in this wonderful night, when the door is closed, the night is still blue-gray; in the bright words, the young college students are constantly testing the teacher's blue-gray state of mind , he inquired about the teacher's residence, he just didn't want to share this melancholy time with him in class, or paid for the yellow pencil sharpener, he chose the red one representing lust, the funny thing is, all this is just a student For a moment, he saw the eyes of his lover in the eyes of this student, and every second he spent with him was bright. He imagined that the student would be able to soothe his heart knot, until the critical moment. He was completely dismissed by himself.
Death, death all the time, from reality, to dream, and from dream to reality, endless, and reminding all of this, it is still dry time, left in the cold clock to beat the fragile heart . How can I find the one I love? Death is a wonderful way, without the hallucinations of taking drugs, but the deep collapse afterward; there is also no passion for a night, leaving only a deeper sense of guilt; and there is no sweetness of the rebirth of old love, It brought the pain of three people, what else can be relieved from this misery? What else is there to escape from this fantasy? What else can escape from this remorse? A revolver, carry it with you, every next second may be death... no, not death, but peace, like quitting cigarettes for 16 years, and re-lighting one is fatal. Waiting for the best opportunity, dying quietly, not disturbing anyone, not letting go, obviously there is no attachment, why put it back in the drawer after trying again and again? It's the reality that can't let go, it is always eager to smear blue-gray with a little bright, so as to get a moment of happy memory.
Finally, I can no longer recall the past, or the bar in 1945. The blue-gray wine table suddenly turned into a bright oak texture, and those translucent eyes told him that you are romantic! Is it long-awaited? No, all of this is just an accident, just a bright episode in the search for memories, but it was such an inadvertent encounter that I almost opened my heart and fell into icy water from the painful snowy night, and from the warm was rescued from the water, but it originated from a bright midnight. Blood, blood flowing, you can even look at your watch subconsciously without a Band-Aid to cover up its flowing desire and vitality - stop, stop, stop! What does this mean? Freshman? Ending every damn second, he is laughing and asking his own stupidity, all this is for a reason, meeting someone can only be attributed to necessity, why should you escape your feelings - stop, this is lust, this is still Desire, it's just lust - not every body can move a heart, it's just the most beautiful memory in black and white, it can't be replicated, so each other instantly understand that he is just an "old man" who needs to care, and he, just Accidentally passing by, to shatter the beautiful fantasy, that's all. In my sleep, I put away the revolver, not because I didn't want to leave, but because I lost the reason for leaving. Everything returned to calm, but underwater, it was still a frozen loneliness. Putting away all the words, he replied with a smile: "I'm fine." Without reason, and without reason, he understood that at this moment, he had it for life.
After the clock stopped for a short time, it started to walk heavily as always. Why does time stop? It is not an opportunity to give people the most regrets, so that we can escape from the shadow of loneliness, but to tell you how to keep the most beautiful and precious painful memories on the quietest eve of life. In the last few seconds, not the revolver, not the desire, not the loneliness, but the bright, the kiss of the lover in the memory, bringing eternal peace. Like the bluish-gray corpse he used to kiss in the first few nights, brightly toward the deepest end. Not struggling in the freezing water, but leaving in blue and gray.
"There are few moments in my life that are so absolutely clear, in these sudden few seconds, the silence is silent, and I feel, not think.
Things are so clear, the world is so fresh, everything is full of presence. I'll never be able to dwell on moments like this, I try to hold on, but they pass like everything, and my life is attached to these moments, they pull me back to the present, and make me realize that everything is just as it was meant to be.
And just like that, the moment came. "
View more about A Single Man reviews
