EP1 1. For a lot of people, life is just on long, hard kick in the urethra, and sometimes when you get home from a long day of getting kicked in the urethra, you just want to watch a show about good ,likable people who love each other where, you know, no matter what happens, at the end of 30 minutes, everything's gonna turn out okay. 2. I'm not afraid of commitment. I commit to things all the time. It's the following through on tha commitment tha I take issue with. 3. I don't know how you can expect anyone else to love you when you so clearly hate yourself. 4. I don't want to live in a society where the premeal bread isn't free. It is free if you order a meal. 5. I'm responsible for my own happiness? I can't even be responsible for my own breakfast. EP2 1.That went slightly better than the worst it could have possible gone, so hooray? 2. In this world, you can either do things the easy way or the right way. You take a boat from here to New York, you gonna go around the horn like a gentleman or cut through the Panama Canal like some kind of democrat? ----Um, the canal? ----You go around the horn the way God intended! 3. The troops are all heroes, every single one . And I don't believe saying that cheapens the word and actually disrespects those we mean to honor by turning real people into political pawns. Also, I am not deeply ambivalent about a seemingly mandated celebration of our military by a nation that claims to value peace telling our children that violence is never the answer while refusing to hold our own government to the same standard. 4.You know what the problem is with everybody? They all just want to hear what they already believe. No one ever wants to hear the truth. EP3 1. Hey, you see those people? ---Yeah. ---Well, those boobs and jerk wads are the best friends you'll ever have. Without them, you're nothing. Remember that. Your family will never understand you, your lovers will leave you or try to change you, but you fans, you be good to them, and they'll be good to you. The most important thing is , you got to give the people what they want, even if it kills you, even if it empties you out until there's nothing left to empty. No matter what happens , no matter how much it hurts, you don't stop dancing, and you don't stop smiling, and you give people what they want. 2. Early bird gets the worm. More like the eary turd gets the sperm. 3. I mean,obviously, I'm a fan of her early work which both satirized and celebrated youth culture's obsession with sex, but I do wonder as a third-wave feminist if it's even possible for women to reclaim their sexuality in this deeply entrenched patriarchal society, or if claiming to do so is just a lie we tell ourselves so we can more comfortably cater to the male gaze. On the other hand, I worry that conversations like this one often dismiss her as a mere puppet of the industry, incapable of engaging in these discussions herself. And infantilization, which is itself a product of the deeply misogynistic society we live in. EP4 People don't change, Diane, not realy. Mr.Peanutbutter's a Zelda. He's happy and he's carefree and he's loving, but you and me, we're Zoes. We're cynical and we're sad and we're mean. There's a darkness inside you, and you can bury it deep in burritos as big as your head, but someday soon, that darkness is gonna come out, and when it does, I want you to call me. EP5 Daddy, do you want to meet my imaginary friend? ---Imaginary friends are freeloaders invented by communists to rip-off welfare. Why don't you do something productive, like bang your head against the wall until your brain isn't so stupid. EP6 EP7 1. So you took some licks, but you're gonna bounce back, because you're talented, you're smart, and damn it , you're good. You are a goddamn American treasure, you know that? You are Bojack goddamn Horseman. So get the hell off my lawn. 2. I don't love you, you don't love me. We're just two lonely people trying to hate ourselves a litte less. Maybe that's all we're ever gonna be. Maybe that's all we're ever were. EP8 1. None taken until you said 'no offense' 2. I'm not asking you. It's nothing personal. I like Herb. I think he's a good guy. But this is a business, and every day we don't fire him, we're flushing money down the crapper. well 'if he go, you go' ,I wound't do that. Bojack, I think you're a star, and sometimes being a star means making tough choices. You can storm out, make a big show out of what a 'good' friend you are, or you could be the guy who does his job. --I'll tell you when it's your turn to talk again. Look, you're a star, but this is really just the beginning of the Bojack Horseman story. You can choose whatever path you want, but I'll tell you right now, you don't win a award, and you don't get to be on the covers of magzaines and you don't get to play the lead role in the Secretariat movie by being a good friend. What's that old expression about how the show must go on? Oh, right. It's 'don' t be an idiot.' So what do you think? That's a courtesy question. I already know what you think, because I have conversations like this one five times a day. I know who you are and I know you've already made your decision. But if you want to surprise me, now's the time to do it. 3. No, I'm not gonna give you closure. You don't get that. You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life. You have to know that it's never, ever going to be okay. I'm dying, and I'm not gonna feel better, and I'm not gonna be your prop so you can feel better.EP9 EP10 EP11 Do you think it's too late for me? I mean, am I just doomed to be the person that I am? I know that I can be selfish and narcissistic and self-destructive, but underneath all that, deep down, I 'm a good person, and I need you to tell me that I'm good, Diane. EP12 1. Bojack, when I was your age, I got sad. A lot. I did't come from such a great home, but one day, I started running, and that seemed to make sense, so then I just kept running. Bojack, when you get sad, you run straight ahead and you keep running forward, no matter what. There are people in your life who are gonna try to hold you back, slow you down, but you don't let them. Don't you stop running and don't you ever look behind you. There's nothing for you behind you. All that exists is what's ahead. 2. The universe is a cruel,uncaring void. The key to being happy isn't a search for meaning. It's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead. 3. When you're out there on that there racetrack, what are you running from? ----You want to know the truth? Nothing ----Everyone's running from something, sugar. ----No, I'm running from nothing. I'm terrified of nothing. People come up to me, they want my autograph, they want my picture. They think they recognize something in me, and I want to be that person they think I am, but I'm not. They see a greatness in me, and they mistake it for goodness, but I... I know there's nothing there. As fast as I run, I can't get away from that. 4. Look, if you really want to help people, it doesn't hurt to have a little money in your pocket. Take the job now,help the orphans later. There's always later. 5. Well, that's the problem with life, right? Either you know what you want, and you don't get what you want, or get what you want, and then you don't know what you want. 6. When I first moved to LA., I thought I was gonna be doing really important work. You know, writing stuff that makes a difference. But then you kind of fall into one thing and then another. - --Well, you've got time. There's always later, right? EP12But then you kind of fall into one thing and then another. ---Well, you've got time. There's always later, right? EP12But then you kind of fall into one thing and then another. ---Well, you've got time. There's always later, right? EP12
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