If unfortunate really encounters such randomness, how will we survive? Such pain, such difficulty, what reason is there to support us to face it? I think we can find some traces in Alice's speech. At the end of the speech, she said the most moving words. She said that I told myself to live in the moment, which is all I can do. I will try to remember the scene of today's speech, I know these memories will dissipate, even tomorrow I will forget. But speaking here today is very important to me, and I still seem to be as ambitious and engrossed in communication as I used to be. Thank you for giving me this opportunity, it means the whole world to me.
I used to ask, maybe she'll forget everything, all the joy and all the tears, so what's the point of doing that? In fact, an exaggerated version of this question is: anyway, people will eventually die, so what's the point of trying to live? All kinds of people will say, Of course it makes sense, but the important thing is the process. You have experienced the ups and downs of life! In fact, the answer to this question is also the same. The important thing is the process, and the important thing is what you experience at the moment. Alice has experienced happiness and joy. This part of her life is wonderful, even if she immediately forgets it all. , but the past still formed a part of her whole life. Isn't life just accumulated bit by bit? If we want to have a high quality of life, every time point is very important. The important thing is that the accumulation is our whole life; but every time point is not so important. , What is more important is whether there is a generally stable state of mind and a correspondingly pleasant life in the whole process of life. In fact, just like calculus, what matters is that the whole process, the final end, or a point in the middle can't affect the overall result at all. This reminds me of two stories. One is about me. My memory is not very good. When I discuss issues with BB, I don't even remember what happened in the past, but I always beg her to talk about it with great interest. Once she asked me seriously: monitor, you will forget after I finish speaking anyway, what's the point of doing this? I said without hesitation: I will be happy now! Yes, if the hero is judged by results, then everyone should stop eating, drinking and entertainment. Anyway, no matter how happy they were before, the result is the same. There is also a story about Zhen Huan's biography. It is not like many comments express, to learn from Zhen Huan blabla, overthrow a batch of concubines and finally get rid of the emperor, it is not too late for a gentleman to take revenge for ten years. Before his death, he found that the children were not his own, and he wore the green hat for the rest of his life. I feel that Zhen Huan is very pitiful. Although the final result was that she won, but the years of forbearance, losing friends, relatives and lovers one step at a time, it is really too much to play a role in front of people who don't love. It was bitter; and although the emperor learned the truth at the last moment, it did not affect the fact that he had truly loved Zhen Huan for so many years before. I have no intention of commenting on them. After all, Zhen Huan is more involuntarily self-indulgent. I just think that many times forgiveness is really for herself, so that she will no longer struggle with the hurts she has suffered in the past, and to free herself from the cage that imprisoned herself.
Another thing that makes me sad is my husband's final decision to teach at a better university. In the beginning, I actually couldn't accept such a realistic arrangement. Then I thought about it, if there is no dutiful son in front of the bed for a long time, what can others ask him to do? After all, he still has his own life for twenty or thirty years. It is not easy for everyone to come to this world, and no one has the obligation to do something for you. Even if it is a relative, even if it is a husband and wife, doing it is a love, and not doing it is a duty. It’s still like the previous parable: the seeds are sown in the cracks of the stones, what can I do? In fact, the best way is to just look at it and accept it. There's nothing to blame, after all we've had so much good, loved, that's enough.
All my life, I've accumulated memories; they've become in a way my most precious possessions. The night I met my husband, the first time I held my textbook in my hands, having children, making friends, traveling the world. Everything I accumulated in life, everything I worked so hard for, now all that is being ripped away. As you can imagine, or as you know, this is hell, but it gets worse.
Who can take us seriously when we are so far from who we once were? Our strange behavior and fumbled sentences change other's perceptions of us and our perceptions of ourselves. We become ridiculous, incapable, comic, but this is not who we are, this is our disease. And like any disease, it has a cause, it has a progression, and it could have a cure.
My greatest wish is that my children, our children, the next generation do not have to face what I am facing. But for the time being, I'm still alive, I know I'm alive. I have people I love dearly, I have things I want to do with my life. I rail against myself for not being able to remember things. But I still have moments in the day of pure happiness and joy. And please do not think that I am suffering, I am not suffering. I am struggling, struggling to be a part of things, to stay connected to who I once was.
So living in the moment I tell myself.
It's really all I can do. Live in the moment, and not beat myself up too much, and, and not beat myself up too much for mastering the art of losing.
One thing I will try to hold on to though is the memory of speaking here today. It will go, I know it will, it may be gone by tomorrow. But it means so much to be talking here today like my old ambitious self who was so fascinated by communication.
Thank you for this opportunity. It means the world to me.
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