In our underlying consciousness or thinking tendency, we will feel that things happen logically and causally, and we may even think that things happen with definite or even unique reasons. For example, if we fall in love with someone, we will find many reasons for ourselves to prove that our choice is correct and wise. And generally speaking, we will look for some of the advantages of the other person, such as being considerate, knowing how to care for people, or being motivated, caring, good-looking, and so on. Sometimes I find some very inexplicable reasons, such as a detail of him that touched me, or because she loves me very much. There is a potential understanding in this, that is, the reason why you love someone is because the other person has some well-known qualities, and this advantage is obvious, universal, and everyone should accept it. . In other words, a person who is worthy of love is worthy of love, not worthy is not worthy, good is good, bad is bad. Of course, there are many people who have seen this through and gave up looking for reasons, but returned to the most basic level of feeling, "I can't tell why I love her, anyway, I just like to be with him." In short, this brings me back to a basic question, why does love happen, is there really such a precise reason for the occurrence of love, and what is the mechanism behind it.
We tend to make simple judgments. For example, when we see who is with whom, we say that it must be because of this or that, otherwise how could it be possible. But many times things are not that simple. You will find that different people have different opinions and make different choices. Maybe something very stupid in your opinion is really shrewd in the eyes of others. What you see The scum, in others, are princesses and princes. For example, in this movie, after Eva met Albert, he was attracted to him, and then gradually fell in love, but as their relationship gradually warmed up, she suddenly realized that the mr.right in her eyes was indeed the devil in the eyes of her girlfriends. predecessor. At this time, Eva's cognition was seriously contradictory and maladjusted. She didn't know whether her feeling was right or her friend was right. This person seemed to have two identities and two faces at the same time.
This reminds me of a buzzword, which is also a common phenomenon, "My predecessor is the best (devil)". The male protagonist Albert is a new love here in Eva, an old love in Eva's poet friend, a new boyfriend in Eva, and an ex-husband in Eva's friend. That is, he actually has two different identities in the eyes of two women. This raises a question as to whether the nature of the relationship between two people will also cause a huge difference in cognition. Or is it because the attributes of the identity and relationship between two people can determine the different images of two people in the eyes of the other to a certain extent. The answer seems to be yes, and it is obvious, just as the classic prison experiments in psychology have confirmed, different identities will lead to completely different self-expression, and a person's behavior depends largely on his position and identity. Speaking of this, it is not ruled out that there are some different special cases, such as those who still have feelings with their ex, but here we mainly discuss the situation after the breakdown of the relationship, and it is more general and universal.
In fact, the phenomenon that the predecessor is the devil also implies a contradiction. That is, the devil is not the devil from the beginning. When you first fell in love, the other party must be an angel, otherwise you would not choose to continue. Then, why did the original angel become the devil again? Is it really because the other party has undergone such a big qualitative change? It doesn't seem to be the case. Of course, you can say that this is because of the problem of understanding. When I first met, many of the shortcomings were not seen, or they were deliberately concealed by the other party. But is this really the case? There are also reminders from relatives and friends around you, haven't you heard it.
In fact, the role of Eva in this movie also represents the original role of Eva's poet friend, that is, you can regard these two romances as a history of love vicissitudes. Just as in the movie, Eva herself has this kind of question. She asked her friend why she liked such a person in the first place, and her friend's explanation was simple because she was blind. This is also an explanation that many people give to themselves, but it is actually an explanation that cannot be explained. That is, I don’t know why I saw such a person in the first place, and I can’t understand myself, so I think I must have been dizzy. Blind.
In fact, many people already have the answer to this question. Different professional disciplines and even literary works may provide some explanation. I mainly explain it from the perspective of psychology, which is a field that I understand better, and I think that the explanation given by psychology is the most credible.
Social psychology has a very systematic study of love, from the factors of attraction to the development and maintenance to the end. Many of the occurrences of love are easily understood by us, including proximity, appearance attractiveness, similarity, value matching, as well as liking those who like us, and the rewards in the relationship. In layman's terms, you need to be close, have opportunities to socialize, be good-looking, have money, have a good relationship, have common interests, hobbies or ideals, and you have to reciprocate. To put it simply, the standards that we often use every day are actually working, but these are actually just a related factor and a certain prerequisite. True love is much more subtle than these, especially in films like those shown in movies. In fact, both parties are in a more balanced state of love in many aspects. At this time, the role of related factors will be relatively small. It is worth noting that some of the more fundamental technical factors, such as the physiological level, and some operational levels, are relatively easy to overlook.
Regarding the occurrence of love, psychologists have done some experiments, such as the classic suspension bridge experiment: when a subject walks over a swaying suspension bridge (at this time, it is inevitable that the heartbeat and shortness of breath will inevitably be accelerated, which psychologists call physiological Arousal), if there is a charming partner of the opposite sex next to him, he will tend to associate this physical arousal with the existence of the opposite sex, thinking that he is in love.” (The specific details of the experiment are to take a questionnaire after passing the suspension bridge. Then it is tested based on the probability of calling the investigator of the opposite sex, which is not described in detail here.). Another experiment is like this, injecting the tester with adrenaline (causing physiological arousal), and then accepting the interview of the investigator of the opposite sex. By injecting non-arousal drugs as a comparison, those who cause physical arousal are more likely to think that they are in love afterwards. This reminds me of a movie "The Notebook of Love". One scene of the film is that the male protagonist is in the playground. Playing dangerous moves on the wheel of the heroine is like the heroine’s confession, causing the heroine’s physical awakening and making them fall in love. In fact, this knowledge point has almost become common sense now, and many people know or have been taught to Go to watch horror movies or engage in dangerous activities during a date. However, the information is symmetrical, and the girls are well aware of this, and a certain degree of desensitization has been formed. Taking girls to watch horror movies may not happen. Screw things up and deduct points for yourself. At this point, I think about the deeper reasons why physiological awakening triggers love, that is, from the perspective of evolutionary psychology, perhaps because of the physical awakening during the long evolutionary history in the past. It means danger. Only when the situation is dangerous can cause physiological arousal. When in danger, organisms tend to reproduce offspring, that is, mating. Because from the genetic point of view, the role of an organism is to continue the gene itself. It is achieved through reproduction of offspring, and once you encounter a dangerous situation, the most important thing to do is to start the reproduction process, otherwise you may lose the opportunity to reproduce. And no matter how beautified, love is only for reproduction.
Another thing worth mentioning is the exposure effect, which is to show up frequently, because we like things that we are familiar with. Generally speaking, the more familiar we are, the more we like it. For example, our own friends don’t feel ugly even if they are ugly. There may also be part of this factor in our own likes, because we are very familiar with our own image). From an evolutionary point of view, it may be because familiar things mean safety. If something happens repeatedly without threat to you, it will be marked as safe and trustworthy. If something is trustworthy, it will show the attributes of a good thing, that is, it will be attractive. In fact, the feeling that a thing gives us does not exist in isolation. People are a system, and many things are related to value, that is, value judgments determine feelings. For example, whether something is delicious or not depends on the environment in which it is eaten, and it The price, and its origin. For example, the feeling of making love also depends on the other's power, wealth, knowledge, and wisdom. It's not just determined by the genitals, isn't it just meat.
Going back to the original question, why did the predecessor become the devil. First, let's return to the occurrence of love, that is, how it affects a person's judgment when it occurs. Many people have experienced this phenomenon and have seen it in others. When you fall in love with someone, there are actually a lot of changes in your brain. For example, sex hormones determine the generation of desire, and then under the action of dopamine, adrenaline and serotonin hormones, people will enter a state of obsession. Dopamine is the reward center of the brain, responsible for the transmission of information such as lust, feeling, excitement and happiness. People who fall in love will have a higher dopamine level, which makes people feel happy, and at the same time you will become its slave. According to research, the intensity of the release of dopamine when you first fell in love is close to the intensity of the pleasure of smoking cocaine. In this situation, your value judgment will change, because the other party has become the thing that can give you the most pleasure, so of course you will tend to combine with the other party, that is to say, the other party's value will come to you during the passionate love period. Said to be the highest, you and the other party are in line with the principle of your best interests. From the brain level, MRI scans show that love affects the brain's judgmental areas, inhibiting the brain's value judgment and moral judgment capabilities, allowing us to tolerate the similarities and differences between our lover and us, even including certain physical or moral defects. This phenomenon can also be called the idealization of lovers, and when we idealize the other party, we will fall into the blind spot of observation. This is called confirmation bias in social psychology, that is, we tend to look for things that are beneficial to our beliefs. Information, while ignoring the unfavorable information. In other words, your presupposition of the other person's image, as well as your narrative of your relationship, will determine what you see. Things other than attention are invisible to us, which is also a principle that many magic draws on.
If you can maintain this obsession, love will not be a problem, and it can always fight the world. But the problem is that this state will not last long, generally only a few months to a year or two. After this stage, the other party can no longer stimulate the production of dopamine and cannot trigger pleasure. From this perspective, the other party has become worthless. But after the passion phase, it will also enter a new phase, this phase is called attachment, that is, vasopressin and oxytocin will be produced, resulting in a sense of intimacy. In the fields of evolutionary psychology and neuroscience, these hormones are believed to be related to raising children. And these hormones can determine the development of love, but some research results are very cruel. They asked couples who have been married for several years to touch their hands and then perform an MRI scan. They found that there was no response, but when they were in contact with strangers, they would There are new active reactions. This phenomenon is also consistent with the Coolidge effect biologically, that is, new individuals of the opposite sex will trigger new sexual responses and arousal, and this response will gradually disappear due to contact time.
The previous analysis of the biochemical aspects of love, they fully show that in love, we actually have limited conscious control over our own feelings, and it is our body that plays the main role. This is inconsistent with our long-standing habit of looking for external attributions, that is, we actually overestimate the role of personal will in it. Love doesn't have to happen for certain reasons, it won't be maintained forever because of hard work, and it won't be easily lost because of a little mistake. The person who could die for you and the person who ruthlessly abandoned you are no longer the same person. Judging from the changes in the brain, that is the case. If you use the theoretical model of neuroscience, you can actually explain the process of love very well, just as you often use madness or drunkenness to explain this abnormality in daily life, it is actually very appropriate. From here, you can see that, in fact, from the perspective of wisdom, humans have already seen the absurdity of love, but the current neurological and brain sciences have given a definite confirmation.
Going back to the beginning of the article, the reason for the phenomenon of "Honey of A, Arsenic of B" can be explained from the perspective of the stage of love development. That is, the relationship between Eva and the male protagonist is the initial stage of love, and Eva is Activated, so in her eyes, the male protagonist's image is distorted, that is, compared to the general judgment, it should be biased towards positive. And Eva's friend and the male lead are in an Ex relationship, and her brain state has been restored, so the male lead does not have a magical halo in the eyes of Eva's friend.
What has not been discussed about this phenomenon is complementarity. In psychoanalytic theory, complementarity can basically be regarded as the relationship between sadism and masochism, and the existence of this relationship seems to be partially verified by daily experience, but in There is no clear answer in the research of social psychology. In addition, according to the attachment theory, a person’s love pattern is determined by the relationship between a child and his mother. In other words, our love objects are often people who are very similar to their parents. This hypothesis can be verified from my personal experience. , But again, this model is not completely decisive. If the attachment theory can give some proof of complementarity, then it can also give an explanation in the movie. And Steinberg’s story theory can also give some support for complementarity, that is, our narrative requirements for love will also affect our choice of partners. For example, some people will like to engage in certain occupations of the opposite sex, or have Certain physical attributes, such as who you look like, and certain people have certain "complexes." I can't see detailed research on complementarity, so I won't go into details here. Finally, there is a universal character problem, that is, maybe the reason Eva’s friends and the male lead are separated is because Eva’s friends have personality defects and are difficult to get along with, and the reason why Eva can get along well with them is because Eva is a Very good person, in this way, she is extremely tolerant. If there is an angel, maybe anyone's relationship with an angel will not end easily, because the angel is perfect enough.
Finally, back to the question of the article title, why the ex is the devil. The first obvious problem is that it is not a fact that the predecessor is a devil, but an evaluation given by the person concerned after the relationship ends. In other words, the predecessor is only the devil in relation to the emotions. For others, ta is still the same ta. If after the end of the relationship, the two parties just return to the relationship of strangers or ordinary friends, then there is no reason to become the devil, just ordinary people are enough, why add the attributes of a devil? What I think of here is the cognitive dissonance theory in social psychology, which can give an ideal explanation. Cognitive dissonance means that individuals recognize that there is a contradiction between their own attitudes, or between attitudes and behaviors. It can also be explained as an uncomfortable feeling caused by doing a behavior that is inconsistent with the attitude. Simply put, people tend to pursue consistency in their words and deeds. If their words and deeds are inconsistent, disorders will occur. It can also be explained as that a person's situation or choice has a certain consistency requirement with his attitude. Applied to emotions, that is, when you like and choose a person, your cognition and thinking will defend your choice, that is, your brain or reason is for yourself. Emotional and emotional service. That is, because you are in love with a person, you must convince yourself that the other person is worthy of love, or you cannot explain your own behavior. When you want something very much, your brain will beautify it, let you ignore the bad side, and make you believe in supporting information instead of negative information. When you have a strong need or sense of insecurity, you will find reasons for yourself, and the reasons you find are often not the real reasons, but because they can give you your current state or situation. A supportive explanation of behavior. It creates a consistency between your behavior and your perception.
When you don't like a person, because you don't have a feeling of love in your heart, you don't have and don't need to take any actions, so there will be no cognitive dissonance. But the situation of the predecessor is different, because the predecessor means an end relationship, which means voluntarily giving up or being abandoned, which changes a choice or a passive situation. As mentioned earlier, people actually need to find reasons for their choices or behaviors. This is our nature. A failed relationship also needs to find reasons for failure. So the question arises, who is responsible for the end of the relationship? The answer is obviously not because of ourselves. This involves the problem of basic attribution errors, that is, we tend to defend our faults and look for external reasons. , And to make internal attributions for other people's behavior, that is, to blame on personal qualities. Therefore, once the aura of love is lost, all you pay attention to are the bad things of the other party, and you seldom pay attention to your own problems, or shirk the responsibility. And the attribution here will also involve personal self-esteem. The more important issue is that once you choose the end, it means that you must regard the end as a correct choice. It also means that the person you gave up must be bad, because if you are still like the beginning Think of the other person as perfect, and it is difficult to explain your giving up. Why do you want to give up such a perfect person. Then there will be cognitive dissonance, that is, the illogical relationship between your giving up behavior and the perfect object you give up. At this time, because you have to give up or have already given up, your behavior cannot be changed, so you can only change your perception, that is, reimagine the other person as a devil. Only in this way can you explain your giving up. According to the confirmation bias and the research on memory, in fact, our cognition and memory are very unreliable. They are very susceptible to presuppositions, positions, and feelings, and memories can be reshaped later. According to the needs of the moment, it can even be made out of nothing. For the abandoned party, there will actually be cognitive dissonance. Specifically, if the other party is perfect, then being broken in love also means losing an ideal prey, which means that oneself has completely failed, and if the other party is perfect Perfect, then all the responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship falls on yourself. Acknowledging failure is extremely difficult, even disagreeable with human nature. Therefore, in order to reduce cognitive dissonance, the best way is to demonize the other party, because since the other party is a devil, then losing the other party is not a failure, but a kind of luck. If you can really persuade yourself thoroughly, you will sing for it.
I have always used the concept of social psychology in the past. It uses some daily language, even psychoanalysis or philosophy can give an explanation, such as psychological defense or existentialism, but I am more familiar with the concept of social psychology, and it is also I think this is a more rigorous model. In fact, I am not just a critical attitude towards this, and sometimes there is sympathy for myself. There are so many complexities in real life, and it is sometimes a prejudice to think that you can see them all through simple theories. After all, we all just want to get a satisfactory explanation because we fear the unknown.
Finally, I thought of the name of the movie. The translation probably meant too much. I was also wondering why the author used this name and whether the thought expressed by it overlapped with my analysis. I once said on Weibo that love is either feeling or belief. In fact, everything I said before is also to prove that love is a feeling, and it does not need such sufficient reason and reasonable logic. Sometimes appealing to reason can make people even more confusing, just like the experience of Eva in the movie. I also think of a detail, that is, Eva’s daughter’s friend. Because of her closeness to Eva, her mother suspected that Eva is gay. This is also an interesting point to think about. In fact, we often encounter similar things in our daily lives, just because many things cannot be understood by ourselves, we will use a kind of malicious guess. This can be analyzed with the prejudices in social psychology, but I found that I have written enough. Indeed, I think this film is a good teaching material from the perspective of social psychology.
In fact, I didn't feel much about watching this movie at the time. Instead, through my own review and reflection, I saw a lot of things I didn't realize. Literature and art can provide a realistic image, and its advantage is that it can take care of various angles, allowing us to see the world beyond our own prejudices. This is also its value.
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