I long for a family with you, dear. I do. And I'll make a good wife and mother.
I have been dreaming of being a wife with a part time job. An entrepreneur is the best, so that I can leave the mountains of work to my managers and be available for my children most of the time. But somehow I failed to realize that I am a daugher in the first place. It was not until I thought that I was to be a mom in a few years that I aroused in myself an existing identity of a daughter. I do think about the family I have now less than that in fantacy. Think I just want it too eagerly and want to cling to it.
I have been living alone for about three years and I only go home on holiday. Not every holiday, though. But I have sensed that the relationship between my mother her husband has been improving. Well maybe it is because they have one less issue to worry about and to quarrel over now that I was admitted into university. Or perhaps they just feel more routine. But when I go home, they are not more husband and wife than partners, like in business. That I am saying they behave like businessmen is because that they are talking about money all the time, except that the businesswoman ocassionally asks how I am getting along with my boyfriend.
There is still some bickering over unimportant things, but much less than a decade ago when I was in middle school. It was a harsh time, indeed, because there were a few times that they were truly on the brink of divorce.
My mother is a confident woman. And I assume that the financial independence that she earned herself is part of the reason for her being confident and having a say in governing the family. My mother would sometimes secretly tell me that my father's montly pay outnumbered hers. I feel strange. ( I wish I could find a word called 'outpay' so that I could simplify this sentence.) But that is my mother; she always wants to win. She wants to overpower anyone who is in competition with her. Luckily, my father, however, is not that into wins, especillay when the only rival is his wife.So he would let her win.
Therefore I would perceive going to a distant university to be a good thing. It is a leave for the child, yet an asset to rebuilding the family.
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