I didn't even have puberty.
What is adolescence, rebellion, doubt, confusion?
I have never experienced, or rather, never walked out.
Death, I am afraid, I don't know what the world behind death is like; running away, I am also afraid, I have always understood how hungry and cold it will be without the three meals a day and scattered banknotes from my parents; depression, I am more afraid is boundless fear.
For a while, I always felt like a mouse, curled up between the legs and feet of a wheel, in a panic, and if I wasn't careful, I would be crushed into a specimen. I've seen too many rats, chickens and even cats and dogs crushed to paper on the road.
Countless times in the gaps in class, I took out a pencil sharpener and gestured to my wrist. I knew I couldn't do it, and I was afraid of pain, both physically and mentally. But I actually saw a girl who took a compass and pointed out a sentence she liked on the back of her hand. I am afraid of pain.
My youth has never been rebellious or publicized.
I remember the domineering boys and girls at the age of thirteen or fourteen, the slender tree outside the window, and the gray sky. In those years, I have been a bystander, and everything about youth has nothing to do with me.
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