On an early winter night, the air was blue-black and clear and cool. I walked back to the bedroom alone. There was a band playing and singing in Wenguang. The plucking sound of the guitar had an almost instinctive allure to me, but they sang badly. The aunts on the other side played music and danced square dancing. I walked to the street lamp, looked up and saw a faint halo of color beside the white light. There was a lot of loud music, she said "maybe everyone out there is a liar. and maybe the whole world is stupid and ignorant. but i'd rather be in it. than down here with you". The world is a garden of noise. When I thought about it like this, I suddenly felt relieved, so I gently turned a circle under the white street lights with beautiful colored halos. . The messy voice in my ears has nothing to do with me, but I don't need to frown. We're all acting out, making ourselves look normal, and then, pretending, or actually being real, and falling in love with the world.
Borderline Personality Disorder, or whatever, to paraphrase the movie line "i'll never know what it was like to be her. but i know what it's like to want to die." I don't know how she feels, but I know That feeling of being out of touch with the world, that feeling of walking on the road and feeling like those cars are driving up and down but it doesn't matter in my heart, hearing all the sounds but not hearing anything.
My favorite episode in the movie is when they play and sing for her all night, I always feel that kindness is a power that can make people see the light. There are often times when I feel the darkness overwhelms me, I close my eyes and count the time for them to disappear in my heart. It’s like swimming underwater for a while, but the one who sticks out his head and takes a big breath is the sunshine of this world. Later, I began to feel that giving is like a gain, and being good to others is like making up for myself. This feeling is indescribable, and others should not understand, but what does it matter, I just want to make myself feel better.
If I let others see the light through my own power, then, when this bright light appears, I hope that I will be the first person to be touched.
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